6th SUNDAY OF EASTER, MAY 16, 2004

3) 6th Sunday of Easter, May 16, 2004
Monday, May 10, 2004. In the morning I was typing my last (5th) Modern Mission History issue paper and in the afternoon two Native American spirituality papers about my experience at the Pow-wow Native American Indian and my reflection on abook entitled Wolf That I Am. In the evening I had a class of Modern Mission History, about Mission History in Asia especially India and veneration of ancestors in China.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004. In the morning I finished my paper of Native American spirituality and then prepared some foodstuff for cooking today. At my room, I was typing my Native American spirituality paper and printed them out, then I was reading som earticles for Issues in Spiritual Formation class. Starting at 2 p.m. till 5 p.m., I was cooking: Lasagna, spicy sour beef soup (soup pindang), chicken in white gravy (opor ayam), and crackers. Together with us also in the supper, Cito and Mary, a Mexican couple who live in Chicago. In the evening I prepared my presentation of leather puppet (wayang kulit) for Native American spirituality class. Father Lino Sgarbossa, sx (rector of Xaverian philoshpy house in Guadalajara-Mexico) came to visit us here. Today, the weather is very warm, about 83 F degrees (28 C degrees).

This is my reflection on the book entitled Wolf That I Am:
WOLF THAT I AM
Reading on Wolf That I Am written by Fred McTaggart, draw me to some reflections about myself and the values of Native American Spirituality. Fred is a scholar who made his doctoral study about Mesquakies Indian tribe, which is known with Fox, or Sac and Fox. They were living in the Great Lake region in the 17th and 18th centuries. Now they live on approximately 3,000 acres of communal property near Tama, Iowa, surrounded by white, middle-class farm culture. In order to fulfill his dissertation, Fred was looking for and collecting the folklore of the Mesquakies especially dying oral culture. What Fred wished to get as much as the story were not realized because he should draw himself the meaning of the story and he could not tape the story told by the Mesquakies people. There was a tension between a traditional belief that story is sacred and the modern tool such as a cassette tape to record the data. Most of the Fred’s encounter with the Mesquakies people, he could not tape the story, so he should remember with his heart and mind the details of the story.
“Learning that silence is important means of communication” (p.67). This sentence of the book has a deep meaning for me especially in my experience to communicate with other people. Most of conflicts between persons are caused by the lack of the silence and listening skill by heart and empathy. The word ‘silence’ has a very meaning of myself as a human being who live most of the time alone in my room, my sleeping, my study and my reflection in daily life. If I do not have a silent space, most likely I could not concentrate and draw some reflection of my life especially a dialogue with my heart and mind and inspiration of God by the Holy Spirit. I was coming from a safe silence womb of my mother and born in the chaotic and hectic world that sometimes make me lonely. Even though I live in the busy world, but most of my time I spend in the silence such as doing this paper, without music and just typing based on my experience and the stream of my mind and inspiration. In the silence also I can see my real self in front of God. To see my weaknesses, my hope in the future, my relation with my family, my confreres here in the Xaverians and with God alone. In the silence I could hear the voice of God implemented in my body, mind, feeling and wish. So, I do agree that silence is important part of the communication both with myself, with God, and with other people to whom I communicate. If I do not have this skill, most likely I will have conflict with myself, with God and with others because I emphasize only on my own will, my own mind and talking.
On page 112 and 137 of the book, the Meaquakies claimed that they were created from the Red Earth as the very first people created. In many stories of the tribes there are many versions depicted that the tribes are the ultimate tribe in the world that God ever created. Facing this claim, I do not need to complain and protest gaining the truth. Just let it go with their version and respect to their beliefs, because every tribe has its own special characteristic that I should take the very meaning of it. Above all, I believe that all people in the world are created in the sameness in the God’s love without discrimination. There is superior and inferior because of people make differentiation not based on the dignity but on the injustice and take advantage each other. No wonder if the world is always full of conflict stories such as war, crime, murdering each other without health sense.
“Religion of Mesquakies has many spirits” (p.112 and 137). Like in animism and dynamism in Indonesia, people believe in God in their own way. As a religion people we could not blame them that they worship to the wrong God but we should see the seed of God’s word in their belief practice. My own father in Indonesia, for instance, he does not profess any religions but he believes in God and practicing such a traditional belief such as going to a South Sea when he has a certain wish. As a missionary I did not push him to be Catholic or to be converted in baptism but I always respect his own belief. I just show my witness of my daily life and my vocation to be a missionary. He was upset and feeling lost of me when I decided to join the seminary of Xaverians. But, afterward, he is very proud to have me as his son who endures this special vocation. Every time I call him up in Indonesia, he always says when I will come back to Indonesia and he always tells about me to his friends proudly. The spirits in the Mesquakies religion as well, I can draw a common ground in the Catholic teaching about Holy Spirit such as the fruits of the Holy Spirit and the gifts of the Holy Spirit which are various in our daily life. In other words, I would not be annoyed of the difference teaching and belief of the religions but I would take the common ground and common sense of them, that is searching the unity with God in this world and the next everlasting life.
If the Mesquakies people have a problem, they will go to the forest and to do fasting in order to solve their problems. I am very interested to know about fasting recently and I have done this since the Good Friday of this year. My own rule of this fasting is only eating one a day, that is supper together with my community in the Xaverians house of theology and during the day I drink a lot of water in order to make me fit and healthy. In the book on page 151 it is written “Knowledge and food are to be gained by fasting. Only after one has fasted can the secrets be imparted. There is a very real damage in fasting when he is not ready from the experience it offers.” In the past I never had a strong will to do fasting. I could not live without eating three times a day and I had a custom to eat much till satisfied. But, now I have an opposite custom that is fasting with my own rule. I could not imagine that I could endure it in this last one month. I got an inspiration to do so from my spirituality professor in Indonesia who pointed out that someone who could not control eating their food, most likely they could not control their lust or sexual desire. So far, I do agree of this teaching. Because I am convinced of it, so I am happy to enjoy my way of fasting. With the emptiness of my stomach in 24 hours, I could fill it with the God’s love. I have more concentration to my study and to do my paper or reading. I feel better than ever after doing this spiritual ascesis. My weight, of course, is decreasing a lot, so that I can wear my old pants. I believe that it is a secret that I found from my spiritual searching of my life. I could endure this exercise not because of my own will and strength but mostly because of the encouragement of the Holy Spirit who is GOD who always accompanies me on the journey of my life and vocation. I am not worthy to be proud of it but humbly I have to be grateful only in the spirit of God, not me O Lord not me, but You Yourself has an ultimate power to transform and transcend my stony heart, weakness and limit.
On the page 186 of the book, I found an interesting statement, “When a parent wants to caution a child not to be proud or pushing, a story is more effective than reprimand or an order”. In my experience living in my family, I noticed that I should do my life freely with my own responsibility. My father and my grandmother as my parents when I was growing up in my family never did a harmful way to accompany and educate me. While I notice my other extended families, they did abuse and harmful way to educate their children. The result is they became more and more naughty and stubborn in their attitude. Normally, my parents made a dialogue with me in order to decide a certain way that I had to choose. Even though they sometimes urged me their own way, but in fact I should do and choose freely as fit as my own choice. For instance, when I had an idea to enter a seminary to become a priest, they resisted me honestly. At that time, I tried to obey them to postpone my strong will to enter a seminary and I could understand their limited knowledge about religious and priesthood life because they are not Catholic, and my grandmother was just baptized in Catholic Church. Until I had experiences of working, then I decided myself to choose my own vocation. My grandmother had an ineffable merit for my growth in my teenage. She was such a woman who changed a position of my dead mother. She often told many stories about our extended family so that I know the details of our family origin. Her attitude to visit and pay attention to her grandchildren and children, apparently, inherits to me. Even though I am very rarely visited or contacted by my nuclear and extended family, but I always do a family communication to them with my own initiative to visit them, call them up even from the USA to Indonesia, and write a letter or Christmas card. I am so grateful to have this family, my father and my grandmother with their positive and negative side I could grow as of now because of their merits.
To finish this reflection, I do believe that I am in the process to be a missionary priest in the Xaverians family needs to be persevere in my virtues with cooperation with the Holy Spirit who always encourages me to do God’s will and to reduce my weaknesses. Finishing this paper is not finishing my reflection. Even when I finish it, I will start again to implement it into my own real and concrete life. Because, “When we have found an end, then we must seek for a beginning” (p.189). When I have finished this paper and this course of Native American Spirituality or my study at CTU, I have to begin my new life implementing what I have gotten in practicable ways.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004. After Mass, I was reading some articles of Issues in Spiritual Formation class about the Iluminative Way. For one hour, 10 to 11 a.m., I met Father Ivan, sx, the Xaverian provincial of the USA, for personal colloquium. I was preparing an Indonesian and Mandarin song for morning Mass tomorrow, from a cassette that I brought from Indonesia, entitled Bapa Surgawi/WO THIEN SANG TI FU/Heavenly Father. After supper, I went to CTU to meet Sister Betty for a while and she gave me some stuffs that she doesn’t use any longer and she will leave for Waukegan this coming Friday. I attended a class of Native American Spirituality in the Combonian House. I submitted my fourth or last paper of reflection upon a book entitled The Wolf That I Am and a paper about Pow Wow. It was raining when I strolled on the street after class and luckily Adrian and I met Victor drove a car so we could go home together.
Thursday, May 13, 2004. In the morning Mass, I was in charge of the prayer and we listened to a Mandarin and Indonesian song, Heavenly Father. From 8.30 till 11.15 I attended Issues in Spiritual Formation class at CTU in which the first part the professor explained about the iluminative way and the second part there was a presentation of Colin J. Crossey, an Irish classmate who is doing his D.Min program majoring in Spirituality. He gave a presentation about Spirituality and Social Justice. In the afternoon, Petrus came to our house. At 5 p.m. we had a holy hour guided by Alexis. There was Father Alfredo coming to our house and picking Father Ivan up, returning to Franklin-Milwaukee after having supper together. At 7.30 p.m. till 8.50 p.m. we as community had a meeting about evaluation of our community project of life while the air was so humid and warm, just like in Jakarta even in my room I am sweating now. In t his meeting, at least, I have envoyed my experience both positive and negative I am perceiving for almost one year (since September 2003) living together with this community.
Friday, May 14, 2004. In the morning at 6.45, I attended a Mass presdided by Father Victor and Lino, then we had a lectio divina together presided by Father Rocco. The whole day was raining. Father Lino left for Mexico at noon. In the early afternoon I went to CTU to say goodbye to Sister Betty, FMM who just finishing her 3-month sabatical program at CTU then she went to Waukegan, her FMM convent; she plans to return to Indonesia in September. Thank you Sister Betty for your kindness and friendship. At night I was trying to use my chatting room with Yahoo Internet and I tried to use sms to my Indonesian friends and it’s incredible that they could reply my message by their cellular phone immediately.
Saturday, May 15, 2004. In the morning we had a Mass presided by Father Pascal and Father Victor. The temperature is little bit colder, about 48 Fahrenheit degrees (8 Celsius degrees). At 11.30 a.m. till 12.40 p.m. I was attending a first part of my class, that is family dynamic, then I went to a bus halte accompanied by Father Adolph, sx whom I coincided meet with him on the street to have a conversation while I was waiting for bus no.28 coming. I went to the Union Station and took a Metra train toward Lake Cook Road station. I arrived there at 3.23 p.m. and Steve, an Indonesian friend already to pick me up to his house. In his house I met an Indonesian couple, my ‘Choice’ weekend couple ten years ago when I was 20. It’s a great opportunity, finally I could meet them who gave me their children’s address here in Buffalo Grove before I left for Chicago in November 2002. It’s a great family reunion. At 5.30 p.m., all of us headed to Saint Mary Church in Buffalo Grove to attend a Mass of first communion of Thalia (second grade in the primary school), a second daughter of Steve-Monci. There were 34 kids in this event, comprised of 19 girls and 15 boys. It recalled my experience when I was escorting my catechuments in December 1999, there were also 34 Bina Nusantara University students who were baptized in MBK Church in Jakarta. We had a small party to celebrate Thalia’s first communion. Some Indonesians families and friends who live around this place came to this party. I stayed one night in their house that I have planned since a couple of months ago.
Sunday, May 16, 2004. I woke up at 7.35 a.m. then took breakfast together with this family. I have a nice conversation with Fery and Lely who just arrived to visit their children and grandchildren since a week ago. At noon, we altogether went to ‘Stir Crazy’ restaurant. I am very grateful to have such a good friends and family in here. It’s a wonderful weekend that I have dreamed before since in the beginning I lived in the USA. Thank God for this experience and the kindness of this family. At 3.30 p.m. I returned to Chicago by Metra train toward Union Station then took a bus no.28 toward home. After arrived home, I went to Syafa’s house to attend Syafa’s celebration for her graduation from LSTC till 9.10 p.m. Some Indonesian friends sucah as two SVD students, Sony and Francis, Mr. Stanley and family, Father Edi, osc and some Xaverians: Adrian, Jacques, Alexis, Father Rocco and I were coming to this grateful event. Syafa is an Indonesian Moslem (Yogyakarta) who studies both at LSTC and CTU for doctoral. She needs two years to finish her doctoral study. Mr. Stanley took us home by his car.

3) Minggu Paskah VI, 16 Mei 2004
Senin, 10 Mei, 2004. Pagi ini saya mengetik paper kelima atau terakhir untuk matakuliah Sejarah Misi Modern dan sore harinya dua paper untuk matakuliah Spiritualitas Native American tentang pengalaman saya dalam acara Pow-wow Native American Indian dan refleksi atas buku berjudul Wolf That I Am. Sore harinya saya menghadiri kuliah Sejarah Misi Modern, tentang sejarah misi di Asia khususnya India dan penghormatan arwah leluhur di China.
Selasa, 11 Mei 2004. Pagi hari saya menyelesaikan paper untuk matakuliah Spiritualitas Native American dan mempersiapkan bahan makanan untuk dimasak sore ini. Saya membaca beberapa artikel untuk matakuliah isu dalam pembinaan rohani. Mulai jam 2 hingga 5 sore, saya memasak: lasagna, soup pindang, opor ayam dan kerupuk. Bersama dengan kita dalam makan malam ini, Cito dan Mary, sebuah pasutri Mexico yang tinggal di Chicago, menemui Pastor Ivan. Malam hari saya mempersiapkan bahan untuk presentasi wayang kulit dalam kuliah Spiritualitas Native American. Pastor Lino Sgarbossa, sx (rektor filsafat Xaverian di Guadalajara-Mexico) datang mengunjungi kami di rumah teologi SX di Chicago. Hari ini, cuaca sangat hangat, sekitar 28 derajat C.
Rabu, 12 Mei 2004. Setelah misa, saya membaca beberapa artikel untuk kuliah isu dalam spiritual formation mengenai Jalan Iluminativa. Selama satu jam, dari jam 10 hingga 11 pagi, saya bertemu dengan Pastor Ivan, sx, provinsial SX di USA ini, untuk colloquium/wawancara pribadi. Siang hari saya mempersiapkan sebuah lagu untuk misa besok pagi, yaitu lagu dari sebuah kaset yang saya bawa dari Indonesia berjudul Bapa Surgawi dan berbahasa Mandarin juga berjudul WO THIEN SANG TI FU. Setelah makan malam, saya pergi ke CTU menemui Suster Betty sejenak dan ia memberikan beberapa barang yang tidak dia pakai lagi dan ia akan meninggalkan Chicago menuju Waukegan hari Jumat ini. Saya menghadiri kuliah di rumah Comboni, Spiritualitas Native American. Saya menyerahkan paper terakhir/keempat saya berupa refleksi atas sebuah buku berjudul The Wolf That I Am dan sebuah paper tentang Pow Wow. Turun hujan saat saya berjalan di jalan setelah kuliah usai pukul 9.45 malam dan beruntunglah Adrian dan saya bertemu Victor yang mengendarai mobil juga habis pulang kuliah sehingga kami pulang bersama tanpa kehujanan.
Kamis, 13 Mei 2004 Dalam Misa pagi hari, saya bertugas memimpin doa dan saya mengajak untuk mendengarkan sebuah lagu berbahasa Indonesia dan Mandarin berjudul Bapa Surgawi. Pukul 8.30 hingga 11.15 saya ikut kuliah Isu dalam Formasi Spiritual di CTU dimana bagian pertama dosennya yaitu Gilberto, OFM menerangkan tentang jalan iluminativa dan bagian kedua teman sekelas kami asal Irlandia yaitu Colin J. Crossey, yang sedang menempuh program D.Min (Doktor Ministry) jurusan Spiritualitas di CTU memberikan presentasinya tentang Spiritualitas dan Keadilan Sosial. Sore hari Petrus datang ke rumah kami. Pukul 5 sore kami mengadakan adorasi sembah sujud bersama yang dipimpin oleh Alexis. Ada juga Pastor Alfredo Turco, sx , wakil provinsial SX di USA ini menjemput Pastor Ivan kembali ke Franklin-Milwaukee setelah makan bersama kami. Pukul 7.30 hingga 8.50 malam kami sebagai komunitas teologi SX di Chicago mengadakan evaluasi program hidup bersama kami untuk pertama kalinya. Setidaknya saya bisa menyampaikan unek-unek apa adanya selama ini. Sementara udara sungguh lembab dan hangat, seperti di Jakarta bahkan di kamar saya sendiri saya berkeringat saat ini.
Jumat, 14 Mei 2004. Pagi hari pukul 6.45, saya menghadiri misa yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Victor dan Pastor Lino, lalu kami mengadakan lectio divina bersama komunitas yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Rocco. Sepanjang hari ini hujan. Pastor Lino kembali ke Mexico siang hari. Awal tengah hari saya pergi ke CTU untuk menemui Suster Betty, FMM yang baru saja menyelesaikan program sabatikal 3-bulan di CTU kemudian dia pergi ke komunitas FMM di Waukegan, Utara Chicago; ia akan kembali ke Indonesia bulan September. Terima kasih Suster Betty atas kebaikan dan persahabatannya. Malam hari saya mencoba untuk menggunakan chatting room dengan Internet di Yahoo dan saya mencoba pakai sms ke handphone teman-teman saya di Indonesia dan luar biasa mereka bisa menerima sms saya dari yahoo messenger dan membalas langsung.
Sabtu, 15 Mei, 2004. Pagi hari kami mengadakan misa dipimpin oleh Pastor Pascal dan Pastor Victor, sementara udara kembali agak dingin-sejuk sekitar 8 derajat Celsius. Pukul 11.30 s/d 12.40, saya mengikut kuliah bagian pertama yaitu dinamika keluarga lalu saya pergi ke halte bis ditemani oleh Pastor Adolph, sx untuk berbincang-bincang sambil menunggu bis no.28 datang. Saya pergi ke Union Station dan naik kereta Metra menuju ke stasiun Lake Cook Road. Saya tiba di sana pukul 3.23 sore dan Steve, seorang teman asal Indonesia sudah ada di stasiun untuk menjemputku menuju ke rumahnya di Buffalo Grove. Di rumahnya saya bertemu Tante Lely dan Om Fery yang adalah pasutri weekend Choice saya sekitar 10 tahun lalu di bulan November 1994, waktu saya masih muda sekitar 20 tahun. Ini adalah suatu kesempatan baik, bahwa akhirnya saya dapat bertemu mereka kembali yang memberikan saya alamat anak mereka di Chicago ini di Buffalo Grove sebelum saya datang ke Chicago ini di tahun November 2002. Ini adalah suatu acara reuni keluarga yang berkesan bagi saya. Pukul 5.30 sore, kami semua pergi menuju ke Gereja Santa Maria di Buffalo Grove untk menghadiri sebuah misa untuk komuni pertama Thalia (kelas dua SD), yaitu puteri kedua dari Steve dan Monci. Ada sekitar 34 anak penerima komuni pertama dalam acara sore ini, terdiri dari 19 anak perempuan dan 15 anak laki-laki. Ini mengingatkan pengalaman saya ketika saya mendampingi para katukemen di bulan Desember 1999, dimana ada sekitar 34 mahasiswa-I Universitas Bina Nusantara Jakarta yang dibaptis di gereja MBK Jakarta. Sepulang dari gereja, kami mengadakan pesta kecil untuk Thalia. Beberapa teman dan keluarga Indonesia yang tinggal dekat daerah ini turut hadir memeriahkan acara ini. Saya menginap semalam di rumah Steve-Monci yang sudah saya rencanakan sejak beberapa bulan lalu.
Minggu, 16 Mei 2004. Saya bangun pagi pukul 7.35 lalu mandi dan makan pagi bersama keluarga ini. Saya berbincang-bincan dengan Om Fery, Tante Lely yang baru saja sampai di sini dari Jakarta seminggu lalu untuk mengunjungi anak dan cucu-cucunya di Buffalo Grove. Siang hari, kami semua pergi menuju sebuah restauran bernama ‘Stir Crazy’ (masakan Asia). Saya sungguh bersyukur memiliki para sahabat dan keluarga yang baik di negeri yang saya memang tidak memiliki keluarga di sini. Ini adalah sebuah akhir pekan yang indah yang saya telah impikan sebelumnya sejak pertama kali tinggal di Amerika Serikat ini. Saya bersyukur kepada Allah atas pengalaman ini dan kebaikan keluarga ini. Pukul 3.30 sore saya pulang kembali ke Chicago dengan naik kereta Metra menuju Union Station dan naik bis no.28 menuju ke rumah. Setelah sampai di rumah, saya pergi ke rumah Mbak Syafa untuk menghadiri perayaan kelulusan Mbak Syafa dari LSTC hingga pukul 9.10 malam. Datang ke acara ini pula adalah: beberapa teman Indonesia seperti Romo Edi, osc, Pak Stanley, dua frater SVD Indonesia: Francis dan Sony, serta para Xaverian: Adrian, Jacques, Alexis, Pastor Rocco (rektor kami), dan saya. Syafa adalah seorang Muslim Indonesia asal Yogyakarta yang studi di LSTC (Lutheran School of Theology) dan CTU tempat saya studi teologi untuk studi doktoralnya yang akan diselesaikannya dalam waktu dua tahun mendatang. Pak Stanley sekeluarga mengantar kami ke rumah dengan mobilnya.