13th Sunday in Ordinary Time, June 27, 2004

4) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-13, 27 Juni 2004
Senin, 21 Juni 2004. Hari ini adalah hari peringatan Santo Aloysius Gonzaga dan ulang tahun ke-6 kaul pertama saya. Kami mengadakan misa pagi dan dalam misa saya berdoa untuk semua teman seangkatan saya yang masih tinggal di Xaverian yaitu: Utomo di Parma, saya sendiri di Chicago, Made di Jakarta sedang dalam proses menuju ke Mexico City, Marsel di Manila dan Dharmawan di Milwaukee. Saya mengikuti kuliah pagi jam 8.45 di CTU, yaitu kuliah terakhir di musim panas di CTU ini, berjudul Wanita di tepi sumur/sumber air dengan dosennya Donna Orsuto lahir dan dibesarkan di Ohio-USA dan pindah ke Italia pada usia 23 tahun dan mengajara di Universitas Gregoriana, Roma bidang spiritualitas. Ia berkata padaku bahwa ia mengenal satu orang pastor projo asal Indonesia yang baru saja lulus dari ujian doktoral spiritualitas di Universitas Gregoriana dengan hasil yang memuaskan yaitu Pastor Alex Suwandi, dan saya mengenal nama ini yang adalah seorang pastor projo keuskupan Padang dimana Xaverian berkarya. Ia juga mengenal dan pernah bertemu dengan satu pastor Xaverian Italia di Jepang bernama Franco Sottocornola. Hari ini saya belajar tentang Santa Katarina dari Siena (1347-1380) yang adalah pujangga gereja yang meninggal di usia yang muda, 33 tahun.
Selasa, 22 Juni 2004. Dengan bersepeda, selama 5 menit, saya pergi ke CTU untuk ikuti kuliah Wanita di dekat sumur dan kami masih belajar tentang Santa Katarina dari Siena kemudian Santa Julian Norwich asal Inggris. Dalam kuliah ini ada 12 mahasiswa-i, di mana kami menggunakan ruang kuliah di lantai dua nomor 214, terdiri dari dua pria termasuk saya dan satu Christian brother asal Canada dan 10 wanita termasuk Maria Lemus petugas kantor registrasi CTU. Sekali lagi kebanyakan yang ikut kuliah di kelas ini adalah orang tua (wanita) dan saya kira sayalah yang paling muda diantara mereka.
Rabu, 23 Juni 2004. Saya ikut kuliah pagi hari mengenai Julian Norwich. Sore hari saya memasak makanan beku, nasi Mexico dan Pizza. Ini sungguh mudah karena saya hanya memanaskan makanan ini ke dalam oven dan siap dihidangkan. Malam hari saya membaca sebuah buku tentang Theresia dari Avila.
Kamis, 24 Juni 2004. Pagi hari saya mashi ikut kuliah kali ini tentang Theresia dari Avila kemudian di rumah saya memikirkan dan merenungkan sebuah buku tentang Catharina dari Siena dan membuat tugas paper berdasarkan buku ini yang akan dikumpulkan besok pagi. Sore hari kami mengadakan acara adorasi dengan silentium di mana Petrus juga datang. Malam hari akhirnya saya bisa menyelesaikan paper terakhir saya untuk kuliah minggu ini yang juga te rakhir untuk musim panas di CTU yaitu 12 halaman tentang Cinta dalam buku Santa Catharina dari Siena.
Jumat, 25 Juni 2004. Pukul 6.45 pagi saya menghadiri misa dipimpin oleh Pastor Victor lalu Pastor Pascal memimpin lectio divina jam 7.30 pagi. Saya mengikuti kuliah terakhir dalam musim panas ini di CTU dengan dosen Donna Orsuto dari Roma dan menyerahkan paper terakhir saya yang juga saya sharingkan pada anda sekalian di surat ini mengenai Kasih dalam bukunya Catherine of Siena. Kuliah musim panas saya di CTU selama tiga minggu, 7-25 Juni 2004 diakhiri dengan misa di kapel lantai 6 gedung CTU dipimpin oleh Pastor Joe Mannath, SDB asal India. Setelah itu, pukul 12.20 siang kami makan siang di sebuah restaurant Italia bersama dengan dosen kami Donna dan teman-teman sekelas, semuanya sebanyak 10 orang, makan spaghetti sebagai ucapan syukur dan perpisahan bagi kami semua teman-teman sekelas ini. Sore hari Petrus menjemput saya dan pergi ke Chinatown, makan malam di sana yang dimasak oleh Pastor Michael dan juga makanan Indonesia oleh Lisa, Edi dan Darwin. Jam 8 kurang seperempat Petrus dan saya pergi ke Franklin-Milwaukee dengan mobilnya Pastor Annielo. Kami tiba di rumah SX di Franklin pukul 9.20 malam lalu kami biasa sharing bersama dengan Petrus, Dharmawan, Ignas dan saya sendiri sebagai gang Indonesia di SX Indonesia ini di ruang makan hingga tengah malam, tentu pakai bhs Inggris…
Sabtu, 26 Juni 2004. Saya bangun pagi dan membaca sebuah buku tentang Theresia dari Lisieux, doa pagi jam 7.45 dipimpin oleh Ignas dan jam 8 misa oleh Pastor Adolph dan Dominic. Festival Festival Xaverian dimulai hari ini sore hari di Franklin, dengan penjualan barang barang bekas tepat tengah hari. Pagi hari saya sudah mensurvey duluan barang-barang bekas ini (rummage sale) dan saya menemukan sebuah televisi kecil berwarna, Sony Trinitron, dan langsung deh aku beli seharga $ 5,- Tujuanku untuk TV yang kecil dan murah ini yah untuk terus memajukan bahasa Inggris saya dengan mendengar dan menonton TV, khan memang jarang sekali saya nonton tv kalau pas sibuk kuliah dan juga untuk melepas rasa suntuk dan bosan kalau lagi banyak tugas paper dan bacaan dari kuliah. Renus dan keluarga mengunjungi kami di festival ini, hadir pula Stanley dan Dodo. Saya kebagian tugas membantu jualan jagung rebus/bakar, dijual sungguh laris kayak kacang goreng, satu harganya 2 dollar, karena memang jagung di sini manis sekali sih. Udara hari ini agak sedikit sejuk dan dingin, berangin dan matahari bersinar cerah meski kadang sedikit mendung. Nampaknya festival kali ini lebih banyak pengunjungnya daripada tahun lalu.
Minggu, 27 Juni 2004. Untuk Festival Xaverian di Franklin ini, kami merayakan misa pagi jam 10.30 di depan patung tempat ziarah Santo Fransiskus Xaverius yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Alfredo dan keempat pastor SX lainnya (Larry, Adolph, Dominic, dan Victor Bogiovanni) dan dihadiri oleh banyak umat. Selesai misa tengah hari, festival dimulai lagi dan selesai pukul 7 malam saat hujan gerimis turun. Siang hari datang mengunjungi kami di sini tiga pastor Indonesia yang tinggal di Milwaukee untuk studi yaitu Romo Kun, SJ, Sunardi, SCJ dan Romo Maryo, SCJ. Yang terakhir ini baru saja studi di Paris dan mengenal Romo Yakob, SX dan di sini untuk kursus bahasa Inggris di musim panas ini di SHST Milwaukee.


4) 13th Sunday in Ordinary Time, June 27, 2004
Monday, June 21, 2004. Today is memorial of Saint Aloysius Gonzaga and the 6th year anniversary of my first vows. We had a Mass in the morning and I prayed for my classmates in the Xaverian who are scattered around the world, namely, Utomo in Parma, (I) Denny in Chicago, Made in Indonesia in the process to go to Mexico City, Marsel in Manila and Dharmawan in Milwaukee. I had a class for this last week of summer institue at CTU, Women at the well with the professor Donna Orsuto, born and raised in Ohio and moved to Italy when she was 23 year-old and teaches spirituality in Gregoriana University-Rome. She told me that she knows one diocesan priest who just graduated from Gregoriana spirituality, named, Alex Suwandi and I know this name is a diocesan priest from Padang-Indonesia where Xaverians have mission. He graduated his doctoral on spirituality very well as Donna Orsuto told me. She also knew and ever met a Xaverian priest in Japan named Franco Sottocornola. Today I learned about Saint Catharina of Siena (1347-1380) who is doctor of the church who died in the age of 33 year-old.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004. By bicycle I went to CTU to attend the class of Women at the well and we still learned about Saint Catharina of Siena then Julian Norwich from Britain. There are 12 students of this class in which we used the room no.214 consist of 2 men including me and some 10 women including Maria Lemus (the registrar official of CTU). Once again most of the students are senior citizen women and I guess that I am the youngest among them.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004. I attended a class in the morning about Julian Norwich. In the afternoon I cooked frozen food, Mexican rice and Pizza. It is very simple because I just put them in the oven. At night I read a book about Therese of Avila.
Thursday, June 24, 2004. In the morning I had a class about Therese of Avila then at home I was pondering and reflecting a book about Catherine of Siena and made a paper for tomorrow. In the evening we had a silence holy hour in which Petrus also came in. At night finally I could finish my 12-page paper about Love in Saint Catherine of Siena.
Friday, June 25, 2004. At 6.45 a.m. I attended a Mass presided by Father Victor, then Father Pascal led us to lectio divina. I had the last class at CTU and due my last paper for this class to Donna Orsuto as the professor that I share to you at the bottom of this letter, about Love in Catherine of Siena. My summer courses at CTU for three weeks, 7-25 June 2004 was concluded by a Mass at the 6th floor chapel of CTU presided by Father Joe Mannath, SDB. After that, at 12.20 p.m. we had a lunch at an Italian restaurant together with the professor of my class and the students as farewell party and gratitude to this week. IN the afternoon Petrus picked me up and went to Chinatown, having supper cooked by Father Michael and some Indonesian food by Lisa, Edi and Darwin (tempe and sambal/spicy chili). A quarter to eight Petrus and I headed to Franklin – Milwaukee by Aniello’s car. We arrived at the Xaverian house in Franklin at 9.20 p.m. then we had a chatting till midnight with Petrus, Dharmawan, Ignas and I (Indonesian gang) in dinning room…in English for sure.
Saturday, June 26, 2004. I woke up in the morning and reading a book of Theresia of Lisieux, morning prayer by Ignas 7.45 a.m. and the Mass at 8 a.m. by Father Adolph and Dominic. The Xaverian Festival is started today in Franklin, with rummage sale at noon. IN the morning I found an interesting thing, a small Sony-television then I bought it, only $ 5,- My intention is just to improve my English with listening and watching TV when I am bored study and read many books from CTU. Renus and family also came to visit us in the festival. I helped at the corn booth with Pascal and Ignas, selling corn $ 2,- each. The weather was little bit cool, shiny and brisk. It seemed that this festival has more visitors than last year.
Sunday, June 27, 2004. For the Xaverian Festival, we celebrated a Mass outdoor in the shrine of Saint Francis Xavier presided by Father Alfredo and 4 other priests (Larry, Adolph, Dominic and Victor B) and attended by many people. At noon the festival was started again and over at 7 p.m. as the little shower happened. At noon there were three Indonesian priests, namely Father Kun, SJ, Father Sunardi, SCJ and Father Maryo, SCJ came to visit us in this festival.
LOVE IN CATHERINE OF SIENA
INTRODUCTION
Reading on Catherine of Siena, Passion for the Truth, Compassion for Humanity written by Mary O’Driscoll, O.P. invites me to see and ponder a special theme, which is always recurred, namely, love. The word ‘love’ that Catherine wrote recurred often times on her writings especially on her letters. Reading on the content of this book, I can see that the word ‘love’ is included in subtitle of three different categories of her writings. On Letters, there are four subtitles that use the word ‘love’, namely, Love Others Tenderly (p.27), Behave Like a Person in Love (p.31), Renew the Church with Love (p.44), and The Special Faith and Love of Friendship (p.48). On Prayers, there are two subtitles, namely, Moved By Love You Sent Us Your Son (p.56) and You Have Shown Us Love in Your Blood (p.82). Finally on The Dialogue, there are three, namely, Overwhelming Love (p.88), Love of Neighbor (p.116) and Drink Your Neighbor’s Love in God (p.117).
Based on these nine subtitles I analyze, ponder and write a reflection of love according to Catherine of Siena. At the end of this paper I write a conclusion, which is an implementation of this love in my life especially in the religious life in which I live in.
Love on the Letters
In the beginning of her letters, Catherine always wrote “In the name of Jesus Christ crucified and of gentle Mary” which symbolizes her intimacy and deep relationship with God in Jesus and Mary in her prayer. Then, she addresses her letter with word “Dearest” to whom she wrote the letter. It points out her respect to others and warm-mutual personal relationship. From these two lines of her letters, I can see the three dimension of love, that is, the love of God that she experiences, the love for others to whom she wrote and the love of others to whom she considered as the lover of God in “Christ gentle Jesus.” In every letter, she began with calling herself as “a slave of the servants of Jesus Christ, write to you in his precious blood”.
Catherine expresses the love of God in some words, such as “his precious blood”, “burning love”, “deep, peaceful sea”, “the blazing love”, and “clothed with fire”. The love that we receive from God is not only for our goodness but in order to be spread to others. It is evident in “We ought then to be of profit to our neighbors because they are the means by which we test and gain virtue” (p.27).
Like a mother who conceives a baby, Catherine gives us an image of virtues that we conceive and bring them to birth to others with child charity (p.27). This child charity can be manifested in patience, faithfulness to others who are not faithful to us and to love others gratuitously and unconditionally.
As servants of God, we should not judge other God’s servants but we should love all people in general and love those who are out of grace (p.28). In addition, we should be happy with those are happy and weeps with those who weep (Roma 12:15). She invites the servant of God to solidarity with others especially those who need our service. Often times it happens that among the God’s servants there is a competition to be the best in their service, to be proud of their merits and they tend to judge others without spirit of love. On her letter, she reprimands us not to easily judge others but we should practice the real charitable love to others.
Because God is love (1 John 4:8), so whatever comes out from God’s works is love itself. It invites us to behave like a person in love who does not see the gifts that others give to us but the goodness of them. The one who has a pure and unconditional love does not see the shortages of others to whom he/she loves but always doing everything to make others be happy and good. When we experience a tremendous burning love of God, we will be enabled to go and share to others without feel pain because the spirit of God is already within us, like the disciples who had to leave Mary and the others (p.32).
On the letter to the new pope, Urban VI, Catherine reminds him to be a good shepherd who lay down his life for the sheep and avoid an attitude of self-centered. She boldly suggests to him to reform and renew the leaderships in the Church toward a better care of the flocks in a mutual cooperation in the ministry. Catherine also has a real and compassionate suggestion to the pope regarding the sick and poor fellow, “Be content to take from the sick only as much as they can give. O dear, o dear, have pity on so many souls that are perishing…” (p.45).
Even though the situation of the Church was very delicate but Catherine still had a hope for whole Church as mystical body of Christ with virtue of charity. “As long as we are pilgrims and strangers in this life, we can grow in the perfection of charity” (p.46). She was not only suggesting many good things to the pope but she also did wonderful and perseverance work in her ministry to God’s people both in contemplative/prayer life and social ministry among the needy ones. “For my part, I shall continue until I die to work by prayer and by every other means for the honor of God and for your peace and that of your children” (p.46). With courteousness in a polite way, she ended her letter with begging forgiveness of her presumption before the pope whom she respected, which is love and sorrow to be her excuse (p.46).
Among so many people to whom Catherine wrote letters, there is one special dear friend, Raymond of Capua, to whom she loved in a special way. She called him as “father”, which is I suppose a priest. “For, beyond a general love, there is between us a very close and special love which expresses itself in faith. And it expresses itself in such a way that it can neither believe nor imagine that the other could want anything except our good” (p.48). It seems that she transcended her affective love in to faith of God as source of love itself. She points out that her love decreased even though his love diminished (p.49). Her love epitomized the God’s love, which is unconditional. Once again she asked pardon to her beloved friend at the end of her letter entitled The Special Faith and Love Friendship with her love as an excuse.
Love on the Prayer
Catherine in her prayer entitled Moved By Love You Sent Us Your Son, mentioned that everyone should have travel toward God as the way, truth and life (Jn 14:6). She knows by heart that God has a power and most gentle charity love in which incarnated in Jesus the only-begotten Son who suffered deeply but had a merciful compassion to others. Her prayer toward God is not only for her sake but also for others who are servants of God with whom she prayed. “I bless you, O eternal Father, that you may bless these servants of yours, so that they may learn to reckon themselves as nothing for our sake and may follow our will” (p.56-57).
On the prayer entitled You Have Shown Us Love in Your Blood (p.82-83), Catherine wrote the contradiction between God’s love and human’s sin. The love of God is symbolized with blood, mercy, generosity which washed the human’s soul, clothed the naked human and restored human’s life by Jesus’ death. The Passion of Christ frees human’s weaknesses and we as human beings should see, love and follow this infinite love. The humility of Catherine appears in the end of her prayer, “I have sinned, Lord. Have mercy on me! Amen.”
Love on the Dialogue
On Overwhelming Love (p.88-91), Catherine retells the creation story of the Genesis that God loves human deeply so that God gives free will to answer God’s love, namely to love the others as God has loved human. Because of this free will is used in the wrong way by human so we have sinned against God. In order to reconnect the relation between God and human, God sent his only begotten Son, Jesus Christ to be mediator. God has done all of this because of LOVE to human beings. “God’s longing for humankind was infinite, more than finite suffering could show” (p.89). “God is ‘mad’ with love for us and ‘drunk’ with desire for our salvation” (p.89) till Catherine could not answer a word to reply this overwhelming love of God.
In Love of Neighbor (p.116) we have duty to love others with prayer, counsel and material help and at least good will. Once again Catherine give us two dimension of love which should be fulfilled and connected each other, to love God and to love others. We should have an active love to others and if we have lack of charity to others, we do evil. We will do the God’s will if we do love others who are nearest to us fervently.
In order to have an infinite love, we should drink water from a vessel in the fountain as Catherine wrote in Drink Your Neighbor’s Love in God (p.117-118). This love should be given to others without any self-interest. She explains the God’s love is much bigger than we have so that we should reply the same love to God. We could not reply this love to God directly but to our neighbors so that what we do for them we do for God (Matthew 25:40). We tend to practice the imperfect love of others. There is a sign when we have this imperfect love, that is, we are distressful when others do not reply our love. It is obviously a conditional love that we always have in this world. We should be honest regarding this matter that our love to God and others never perfect in the reality. All of these happen because of our spiritual selfishness and we could overcome it with know ourselves that we are such imperfect human in love.
CONCLUSION
The love that Catherine of Siena had practiced both in her prayer and ministry is documented in her writing so that we as human in our age could understand her strong love in such a way she struggled with difficult situation of her time. To know her writing especially her letters to many various and diverse people invites me to see my own experience in my religious life in the Xaverian Missionary. The founder of the Xaverian, Blessed Guido Maria Conforti, a bishop in Parma in the early 1900’s, also wrote many letters in which I could understand his spirituality and dreams. From his own writings to the missionaries whom he sent to China as the main mission of Xaverian at that time, I try to understand his situation in specific time. I try to put my mind and heart to the founder what his ideal and spirituality are really influencing in the growth of this missionaries congregation. In the same way, with the writings of Saint Catherine of Siena, I try to put myself in it and take what things can be implemented in my life as a person and a religious-missionary student toward priesthood life.
It is an amazing effort that in the Catherine’s time (14th Century), she already wrote many letters for others as her concern and love to others. It is part of her ministry to the Church at her time. With limited tools she tried her best to write her letters with beautiful genre and lovely spirit. I can imagine if she lives in the twenty-first Century with sophisticated information and communication technology, most likely I guess she will have a wonderful letters to many people in order to voice a prophetical love in truth as Jesus inspired her in her intimacy prayer life. The spirit that urged her to write letters to many friends was the spirit of Godself who inspired her to envoy the message of God. Her intimate relationship with God was reflected and implemented on her relationship to others. For me in the context of religious life, there are a couple of questions: have I implemented my relationship with God to others in all of my letters and writings? What do I look for in my correspondence to many friends both by e-mail and letter? Do I have attachment to the relationship in the correspondences I have? Do I write good news for all of my friends? What is my motivation to write my life experience and share to others? Do I search self-centeredness in my letters? Do I try to make pleasure to others by reply their e-mail or letter with concern of mutual love? Am I honest to identify myself to others? All of these reflections lead me to see my relationship with God and others, whether I have been in the God’s way or in my own way. I have a good habit to write my own daily experience and to share it to all of my friends by e-mail but I have to be wise to do it not in the spirit of self-centeredness instead in the spirit of love, trying to be perfect love to others with perseverance and humility. O God, teach me to see your love in others and share your love I have experienced in what I write to others with a good and pure motivation as yours.
God as the source of all virtues gives us goodness as child charity such as love, patience, perseverance, joy, peace, meekness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5: 22-23). As Catherine had these qualities of love in her relationships to God and others, do I try them in such a way that I do my best toward others gratuitously and unconditionally? If I have them in my life, do I satisfy and proud of myself without trying to share them to others? The virtues are gifts from God that I should practice in daily life fervently. With these virtues, I should be careful not to judge others especially my confreres in my religious life who are also the servants of God. As a human being I have weaknesses to talk about others in negative way. In order to be a good confrere, supporting each other in the spirit of love, I should be attentive when I talk about others at least I should speak in truth and a balance way, not merely negative sides. Do I let others speak ill about others? Am I happy to hear the badness of others? If I have a true lovely heart, I will feel bad if my confreres are condemned. In the spirit of fraternity among my confreres, my pure love will be tested in my relationship with others. Indeed it is difficult not to talk about others especially in their shortages because I have tendency and ego to be good and OK among the others. To avoid this weakness I should remember a golden rule, namely, I should do to others what the others should do for me. If I do the bad things to others, it means I should not complain if the others would do so to me.
Catherine was a woman with a high hope in the midst of desperation and difficulty in her era. She could bring hope to others who felt terrible discouragement even she could try to make peace between people or groups in the enmity and vengeance. In the world recently that is full of violence and harmfulness, it seems that we have no hope to bring peace and solution. The situation seems more horrible day-bay-day as we see and listen to the mass media. What can I do for this duty to be ambassador of love and peace? Are these virtues still relevant in our world? Not to neglect the macro situation, I should pay attention to my own relationship among my confreres in my religious community. Do I bring peace among my confreres and try to be peacemaker if there is hatred? My experience living in an international community draws me to be authentic in such a way that I can be vulnerable as same as the others. When there is misunderstanding to others, I bring it to my prayer before God and ask pardon for others who have hurt me. When there is a dissent among my confreres, I can feel unhappiness and sorry deeply; then I try to see a possibility to make reconciliation among them. It is not easy thing because I tend to think that it is not my business so I do not have to be busy with other’s problem and let them keep going in their own way. But, I still have a compassionate heart that urges me to see a chance to talk to them to make peace and reconciliation. I convince with the prayer of Saint Francis of Asisi: if there is hatred let me bring peace.
Like Catherine who had a special friend in her correspondence, so do I in my experience living as a religious man. After living in the USA for one year and a half, I have many friends to whom I still keep in touch both by e-mail and letters. In my relationship with them, I can see there are some special relationships more than the others in frequency and openness. By and large, I do same treatment to others but there is a certain condition that I feel more pleasure to contact to female friends especially a young one. Is not it proper to feel it? Is not it good for my vocation in the religious life? To avoid an extreme, exclusive and unhealthy relationship, I try my best to relate to them in an honest and responsible way and always keep in mind that I am a religious man who freely choosing to be celibate in the missionary-religious life. I always introduce myself firstly as a religious man in the process toward priesthood and I think it is a good way to relate to honestly without giving empty promise or false impression about myself. A relationship based upon honesty, healthy and mutual relationship will enrich my own perspective to minister God’s people now and in the future. I should not be extreme avoiding a friendship with other gender but also not toward another extreme searching relationship as though I am thirsty of affection with female friendship. Like Catherine in her relationship with Raymond Capua, I should put my special relationship in the faith of God not for my self-centeredness but for the goodness of others. I should put my affectionate love in a transcendence way toward God who fulfills my thirsty and hunger of love. The pure and perfect love of God is a reason for me to love others in a proper way.
It is clear that my formal prayer in the Mass and the holy office/ breviary are not for my sake but for others who especially need support and prayer. In my personal prayer as well, I should pray for other’s needs not only my own intentions. I believe that power of prayer strengthens my vocation in the religious life. I owe to so many people who always pray for me in order to be faithful in my religious vocation. In order to be grateful to them, I try my best to keep in touch with them either by letter, e-mail and phone call. I wonder that many people also beg me prayer for them in a special way because they believe that with my prayer they will receive grace of God. Even though I do not feel having a privilege to be closer to God in my religious vocation, but I do appreciate their intention and I do pray for their intentions in my personal and formal prayer. I still remember also in my incertitude to get student visa for the USA, I asked prayer from many people especially to primary school students whom I visited and animated them in their classes. Finally, I got it and I was very happy and grateful of this grace and I did not deny it that by intercession of so many people in their prayers and wishes, I could attain what I prayed for. I will never forget of this wonderful experience of prayer with others.
The humility of Catherine before God in her prayers invites me to see my weaknesses in the eye of God and not to be proud and OK of myself and I have done so far. Even though she had an intimate relationship with God, but she still felt sin against God and begged pardon and mercy on God. What I feel before God in my prayer and my monthly confession? Do I still have a conversion in my life or I have been satisfied and OK without need to be closer and honest with God and myself?
To see and ponder the overwhelming of God’s love, do I still have a haughty heart in front of the others? If God is loving-kindness to me personally, what should I do to be aware of it and use this grace to love others in the same way as Godself? Facing the fascinated love of God, I should not complain and beg other things that are not important in my life. Just to know your love it is just enough. Your grace, O God is enough for me.
It is difficult to be perfect lover who always fulfill other’s needs. In my experience to be a servant of God among the others, I always have a weaknesses and shortages. It is healthy if I am not perfect man. Because God has created many good things in God’s creation, so I will fulfill my goodness with share each other in God’s love. I realize that my love to others is not perfect; that is why I should be real and humble to serve others and receive other’s love. O God, help me to know myself in better way and overcome my spiritual selfishness with your perfect love that I never achieve it but add day-by-day your love in my fragile body and soul to serve and love your beloved human beings in a certain way. With my imperfect love, O God, you always be closer to me to purify my love in your perfect love in this world and the world to come. Amen.
MY END WORDS
I am very grateful to have the class entitled the Women at the Wel: Witness To Contemplative Living with the professor Dr. Donna Orsuto from Rome, Italy, from 21-25 June 2004 at CTU, room 214. Even though there are only two male persons in this class (Brother John and I) and 11 female ones including the professor, I am glad and blessed among the women whom concern about spirituality of women doctors of the Church. It enriches my knowledge and understanding of the Church treasure in spiritual life. Studying the four women of the Church (Catherine of Siena, Julian Norwich, Therese of Avila and Terese of Lisieux) only in five days seems not enough and very little, but I believe the wisdom I get from this class and the spirituality of lay people especially the professor in her wide and rich experience and most of the old lay women in the class contribute a new perspective of my thinking.
In my Xaverian Constitution Number 42: “Our Founder defined a missioner as a man of action in constant union with Christ, in whom he continually finds inspiration. We ask the Lord for that spirit of prayer which is able to transform our work in to continual oration and provide for our sanctification through the very exercise of our apostolic ministry.” And Number 43: “Prayer is the principal activity of the missioner. It strengthens his faithfulness and sustains his apostolic commitment.” I end up my reflection with a question: How could I implement my relationship with God in my contemplative life in my missionary vocation among people of God to whom I meet and minister?