4th Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 30, 2005

5) 4th Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 30, 2005

Monday, January 24, 2004. “We must make no compromise with a love that is contrary to the love of God” (Francis de Sales).

We heard of mourning news that the oldest brother of Father Willy Mukucha, SX named Leopold passed away because of his sickness in Canada. We all pray for him and his family in R.D. Congo.

On Friday January 28th I attended the last class of Human Sexual Development for Ministry at CTU in which I submitted my 10-page final paper and I would like to share to you as well. In the closing prayer at the last class we uttered our ‘erotic prayer’ and here I expressed my own prayer in the beginning of this paper.

HEALTHY HUMAN SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT FOR MINISTRY (I-4010)
J-Term 2005
O God, your are untouchable by my human senses
But you can be touched by our mind and words.

In inception you created me with loving touch of both of my parents
In inception you created me with genital touch of my father and mother
In inception you created me out of human passion and intercourse
In inception you created me through penetration and ejaculation
In inception you created me with union of her ovum and his sperm.

I commend to your compassionate touch:
My sexual awakening,
My sexual identity as a male,
My sexual commitment as a celibate person.

At the same time I commend to you:
My spiritual awakening
My spiritual identity
My spiritual commitment,
In union with you and others toward Healthy Human Sexual Development
Through Christ, our Master of Love and Compassion.
Amen.


1. How has my culture shaped my experiences and understanding of sexuality?
I was born and raised in East Java, Indonesia by a Chinese descent family who have already lived and adapted in local Javanese culture from a number of generations. In my family, my parents never talked about sex and sexuality to me because probably they considered that this issue is only for adult people and we will come to know about it when we are becoming adult. It is influenced so much of our local culture that talking about sex especially to the children is a taboo and shameful thing. It is only appropriately talked by adult persons and between a married-couple. Even my parents as I remember, never gave me advice about relationship to other gender as I grew up in high school. I came to know about sex and sexuality from my own searching, my self-discovery from newspaper, books and magazines. In the age of puberty, I was sometimes still confused and questioning about my own mysterious libido that I found out the answer from the wide-opened information in mass media. I felt ashamed also when somebody talking about this issue and I never raised the questions to competent persons.

In my own family, the greeting between our family members never expressed by touching each other, even I never embracing or shaking hand to my father, grandmother and siblings after so long time we did not meet each other. I never reflected deeply about this case but I ever read one article that some general culture among the Chinese descendants in Indonesia having such a custom. This influenced my way to relate others in school and society. Normally, I keep very strict boundaries to other gender in the relationship. The normal way to greet others in my own culture is shaking hand but never embracing each other.

Since in the kindergarten and primary school, gathering with other gender friends is a shameful way. It created a custom that I had to make friendship to my own gender, boys. Most of my close friends were boys and apparently I never had female friends in my house despite my own shyness attitude. At primary school normally we sit with the same gender friend and very seldom we sit with other gender friend. Once I sit with a female friend, I felt very uncomfortable and too cautious keeping boundaries especially in secondary high school.

Even though it seems that sexuality is taboo but in the society especially in mass media such as movie, film and advertisement, we can see daily performance that tends to sex and vulgar relationship between man and woman. It makes many children more curious to know about sex and sexuality without taken care by the parents and adult persons. The information that I got was ranging from positive to negative teachings and sometimes ambiguous and I did not know which one the right according to the norm of my Catholic religion. One major thing that probably makes me think and reflect is self-pleasure such as masturbation. It is struck me when I found that there are some different approaches and arguments regard to this issue in the traditional Catholic teaching and other modern thinkers. Some consider it as mortal sin and others as venial sin and one author says it is not sin. “Masturbation is not a sign of the perfection we as celibates strive to live; neither is it sin. It is simply imperfection-that which we all are and yet strive to overcome” (Donald Goergen, The Sexual Celibate, p. 203). Some myths about this disorder sexual custom in Indonesia influenced also my understanding about sexuality.

Since I have lived in the USA I have to adjust the custom and culture of embracing and hugging each other in friendship. When I saw this Western culture when I was in Indonesia, I wondered how I could adjust this custom. In my ministry at a retreat house as my Ministry Practicum I from CTU dealing with teenagers, I was struck by the relationship of girls and boys the retreatans who mostly the Caucasians. Among boys and girls, they have very close physical relationship as if there is no boundary. It never happened in my experience as a teenager in Indonesia. It somehow makes me appalled and jealous. As a minister among them, I should adjust theirs custom. Recently, after finishing the weekend retreat, at the closing prayer, some of the girls, the retreatans expressed their gratitude and peace to me with hugging and embracing. It made me being accepted by them and the gesture that I practiced was simply responding their first initiative to hug me then I opened to their gesture. Even though I have been living in the USA for two years but this gesture to hug and to be hugged especially with other gender still sometimes makes me feel little bit strange since it is not my custom in Indonesia. At the same time I feel good to touch and to be touched by others. One principle that I do agree and I have practice it in my ministry is “Touch is to be used in ministry only to address the needs of the person the religious is assisting, not to meet the needs of the religious” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).

In regard of human healthy boundary in a life of ministry, I see there is different value of one culture to another one. For example, in my country Indonesia, getting along with children at primary school (the picture below) such as my experience as I visited them before I departed to the USA is an acceptable manner. But, I do not think in the USA it can be practiced easily like in Indonesia, instead I should be cautious dealing with the children because the issue of sexual scandal of clergies. Therefore, I should be prudent on what I am doing in my ministry dealing with people, to respect local values and to be flexible in pastoral issues not to be rigid.




2. “Exploring Commitments and My Capacity for Making and Keeping Them”
I chose ‘FRIENDSHIP’ because this word recalls my experience dealing with so many people in my life as of now. Starting with my friends of close neighbors in some areas that I had been living in, namely schools, working places, my formation time in the Xaverian Missionaries, and all people whom I met during my ministry as a religious, teacher and a friend of them.

There is one special female friend who gave me a lot of meaning enduring what I have been choosing as a religious. Her care of me drew me to a certain feeling that I never had before, namely, feeling of falling in love to a girl. It put me on a threshold of my journey toward a missionary-religious-priesthood and at the same time transformed and awakened me who I am as a normal human being. In the insight of this experience, I want to try recalling my sweet memory dealing with myself in my great memorable experience to love and to be loved as a human being.

It is a really unforgettable story that I ever have in my life journey as a male being. One evening in August 2000, I attended a priesthood ordination of four priests in a Catholic Church in Jakarta-Indonesia. I have been attending a couple of times this kind of celebration since I was in High School. It is always a solemn Mass with a big celebration that I also want to experience to be one of the ordained priests someday. After the Mass lasted I met some nuns who are friends of my Xaverians confrere. They introduced me to a nice-looking girl who is their friend. Back on that day, I was very happy meeting with her while she was joking and telling me that she is a candidate of nun. I knew that she was just kidding. It was a nice day that I could ever have in my life and imagined as if she would be one of my friends. Since I did not have any idea who really she is; so my impression lasted on that day. A couple of days later, she called me up in my Xaverians philosophy house and since then she often did so. In the beginning I was so happy receiving her phone call because I never had this kind of experience that a girl friend has attention to me. In the human level, I was consoled but I was wondering with myself: how do I deal with such a feeling and my religious life. In one side, I was happy to have a girl friend that gave me attention but the other side my heart was not in peace because I have chosen a celibate-religious life. It seemed that she did call me up often times till she asked me favor to come visiting me in my Xaverians house. I welcomed her delightfully and she came with her girl friend as well. In the beginning, she told me that she wanted to know some religious orders of nuns but after she came, she never wanted to know them. I guessed she only wanted to know my life closely. After this visit, she continued calling me up almost everyday. Finally one evening she asked me help to accompany her to go to a hospital since she did not have a friend. I did not answer directly what she asked, instead I needed some time to decide it. In my prayer in the chapel, I had a fixed and clear answer to say NO to her, but after she called, I could not say NO, but saying YES. I did not know why I could not deny her hope. Probably, I already had a certain feeling and wanted to meet her again. To say that I experienced what people say, falling in love. It was a really a joyful feeling that I ever have in my life. Even though I know that I have embraced my religious life but I still had this kind of feeling, to love other that is the opposite sex. Eventually, I met her and I had mixed motivation to meet her: to help her and to meet her because she was interesting to me. First time I met her, after taking her to a hospital, she invited me to go to have lunch at a Mall. I told her that it would be a scandal if someone knows that I go with her. But, anyway, I did that while I hoped nobody would see me. In our conversation during the lunch, she tried to know my identity and I did so. Afterward, we entered a store and she bought two cassette tapes of pianists, Richard Clayderman and Sharon, a little Chinese girl pianist. I was wondering why she bought two same cassettes at a time. At the counter of cashier, she wrote on the tape her name and the date we had that time, 31 August 2000 and gave one to me. I could not deny her kindness while she said, “When you come to your house, listen to it and when you listen to it, please remember me.” In my daily lives, my mind, my heart and my dream were devoted to her. If I heard a phone ring, my heart was trembling and my affection suddenly remembering her. The second time, I accompanied her to go to a hospital to have treatment for her sickness. This time she treated me to eat noodle at a restaurant. The third and the last time, I accompanied her to have a small operation of her sickness. This time I had an initiative to exchange our pictures. The more I knew her closely, the more I wanted to remember her face in my dream and imagination. Finally, I got her picture that I could see it everyday when I had missed her.

One Sunday noon, she invited me in her friend’s birthday. We were four, namely three girls and including me. We had lunch at a Mall and I parked my bicycle in a motorcycle parking lot at the basement. After we had a good time, I went to the basement to take my bicycle. One thing happened that I never expected before, namely, my favorite bicycle, which took me to many places in Jakarta was lost. I tried to find it out but I could not get it. Somebody had stolen it. I was so depressed and sad with this experience. After a happiness I got, I had to take up a very sad moment; how contrast it was. My Xaverians confreres, who knew what I had done, most of them laughed at me. It was a big mistake that I did and really an embarrassing one.

What I could learn of this experience was: I have to be grateful that I did not lose my vocation to be a missionary-religious-priesthood, but God was still kind to me and God had a sense of humor that the lost of my bicycle reprimanded me to be careful with my relationship and my feeling toward others. Knowing my bicycle was lost, she and her friends felt sorry and I said no problem; “it’s not your fault, it’s a really tragedy, it shouldn’t bother you.” After this event, she was very seldom to call me up. In the beginning, I was feeling sad and lost of her but with time running, I could endure and accept it. My feeling of love and to be loved, little by little, was disappearing. I recalled my study that I received from my professors in my philosophy study: “To love and to be loved as a human person are the highest meaning we can draw in our life” (Franz Magnis Suseno, SJ). Another lesson of my professor is when I fall in love, as soon as possible I should stand up, awake and be aware of then to build this love in positive way. From my spiritual director I learn that to love is a commitment, not a feeling merely. This unforgettable memory strengthens my commitment to embrace my religious life even though in the beginning it cost me a lot of tension and confusion in my own personality and freedom. To be honest to myself and to others especially my formator, I told this love story both to my formators and my confreres in order to let them know who I was at that time and to ask help to endure this long-life vocation. My strength is that I could accept this moving experience as a positive lesson and to share plainly to others. In addition, to treat her and other friends as God’s people in their dignity and still keep them in my prayer that God allowed them to come into my life story.

It suggests me to be more aware that I am a man who needs care, love, attention and acceptance of others especially other gender. It makes me realized that I am a normal man who devotes myself to God’s service in a celibate way with all consequences such as loneliness, lack of love and attention of others, depression and isolated life. In my fragility as a human being, I just surrender to God’s compassion to keep me being faithful in my daily journey. When I fall down into temptation, I believe it signs me that I am a fragile human, not myself who can endure this kind of life but merely God’s love and compassion and also God’s great grace. Without God, I am nothing. My commitments to my religious life in order to ministering God’s people are full of struggle in my whole life that require a lot of patience, wisdom and daily denying of myself. In my weaknesses I commit myself to God. “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).

I am grateful to have this kind of experience of feeling, falling in love and to be loved by the other. I never had this experience before, so I am grateful to my friend who finally married with her chosen man. Even, with my big heart, I attended their wedding both the reception and the ceremony at a church.

Even though she never told me about her feeling and I never did so, but from her attitude, gesture and symbols that she expressed externally to me, I considered them as a symbol of love. Maybe I made a mistake to draw a meaning quickly. It is a really good experience and lesson to me to pass my crisis and threshold toward my previous way of life in the Xaverians Missionaries that I have chose freely. This experience I believe, is a message of God that challenges me whether I am still faithful to my vocation to become a religious-missionary-priest or not. With this experience, it does not mean that I will not fall again in the same case. At least, I had known what is the meaning to be loved by others and it entails me to be humble and not to take advantage for my own self. Moreover I have to surrender to God’s will, not me O God, not me, but only your love enables me to love others respectfully.

Some clues that I can enhance my ability to be with others in a committed relationship in ministry are to be honest to myself and to respect others in their dignity as human beings and do my best to love them in mutual and unconditional way. Full of compassion and forgiveness to others will cure some conflicts that may occur in the relationship. To be aware of the ministry boundaries is a wise way to relate to others in the ministry and at the same time not to be afraid in dealing with them in cooperative way as teamwork. To be authentic as I am in front of the others will help others and myself as well to know each other better.

3. Sexuality and Spirituality
In a celibate life I am enduring now the spiritual life is the core of this way of life. To be spiritual does not mean that I neglect my sexuality and my body instead I have long life duty to integrate both sexuality and spirituality. The goal of both the sexual life and spiritual life is union of the individual with God and with others. Being sexual involves many aspects of personality: affectivity, sociality, genitality, femininity, masculinity, heterosexuality, homosexuality, sexual identity and love. In the spiritual development according to Goergen there are three phases, namely, spiritual awakening, religious identity and spiritual commitment. In the parallel of this spiritual development, there is also sexual development, namely, sexual awakening, sexual identity and sexual commitment.

A sexual awakening happens in one’s life when sexuality comes to life with full force that gives rise also to a spiritual awakening. It begins in childhood, an adolescent phase, matures to old age where it bears fruit. Once a person has become spiritually aware, the task of sexual identity and spiritual identity are discovered. I come to accept myself as a sexual person of a certain sex and a certain sexual orientation. I begin to see myself as a spiritual person within a particular religion or belief. Commitment or decision is an important task in becoming a spiritual person. Goergen points out that the spiritual awakening brings spirituality to the level of awareness, the spiritual identity brings it to the level of self-acceptance and the commitment brings it to the level of responsibility. The commitment is not merely mine but it involves other people. In the celibate life, the commitment deals with community not only God and myself. I do agree with this statement, “The most effective way to prevent misconduct in ministry is to nurture healthy relationships with colleagues (i.e., members within congregations), with others, and with God, as well as to pay heed to mind-body-spirit connections” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).

The celibate life can be understood in the relationship of oneself to God, to fellow men and women. Celibate chastity is not something I can achieve once and for all but a life-long process that implies a growth toward maturity and union with God and others. Kierkegaard says that purity of heart was to will one thing. Even though I believe that the celibate life is my life I chose freely but as a normal human being, I believe that sometimes I fall short in temptations. It reminds me that I am not perfect, I still need to be humble asking God’s compassion and strength to stand up again toward the ideal. A spiritual person as Saint Augustine exemplified, is restless until one rests in God. “Spirituality is less about getting it right all the time and more about realizing that pain, struggle, and mistakes are an essential part of living. The full appreciation of inner serenity is achieved only after having to come to terms with one’s own weakness, limitations, and shortcomings” (Kevin P. McClone).

Goergen suggests to live and keep the celibate life, one should live it out in the spirit of discipline, solitude and joy. The discipline life is not for discipline itself but always for the integration and wholeness of the person. “Fulfillment paradoxically comes through healthy asceticism, sacrifice, and surrender” (Kevin P. McClone). The goal of solitude life is love and compassion. It must be based on prayer and meditation. In the Song of Songs the lovers after uttering extravagance of language realizes the insufficiency of words. “The search for love also reveals the need for a balance between solitude and intimacy. The call to intimacy is also a call to learn that, however much two people love each other, they never own each other nor finally know each other” (Philip Sheldrake). There are three spiritual joys in the heart of celibate person, namely friendship, ministry and prayer. These joys are never complete in our lives because our joys are mixed by negative feelings and experiences. Our joy will be completed perfectly by God in the eschatological kingdom.

CONCLUSION
To live the healthy human sexual development for ministry in my celibate life is not based on the celibate life of Jesus of Nazareth but upon Jesus of Nazareth as fully human, as a sexual and spiritual being, as man of faith, as God’s presence in history, as revelatory event, as corporate person, and as the Christ who calls us and invites us to live as He did and does. It is my duty as a celibate person to integrate my life of both a sexual and spiritual being at the service of God’s Kingdom. In order to endure this virtue I remember the Testament–Letter number 5 of the founder of the Xaverian Missionaries, Blessed Guido Conforti, “Remember, humility is the best safeguard of chastity. There is no better application for the wisdom of Sirach than here: ‘He who wastes the little he has will be stripped bare’ (Sir. 19:1).”

“Humility is recognizing our fundamental need for others and God. Humility is not thinking too much or too little of oneself but a more realistic acceptance of who we are with all our strengths and limitations” (Kevin P. McClone).


Tuesday, January 25, 2004. “I live no longer I, but Christ lives in me” (Paul, Gal 2:20)

Wednesday, January 26, 2004. “Love is so powerful that it makes one heart and one will of lover and beloved” (Catherine of Siena).

Thursday, January 27, 2004. “Obey divine inspirations that you may recognize as coming from the Holy Spirit” (Angela Merici).

In the afternoon we had a community meeting evaluating our community project of life in the dimension of community life.

Friday, January 28, 2004. “We need to be led to God by the world we sense and by thinking of Christ the man, so that seeing God with our own eyes we can be lifted up to love what we cannot see” (Thomas Aquinas)

I attended the last class of sexuality at CTU in which we did evaluation of the class and closing prayer and I submitted my final paper. After finishing the class we exchanged peace manner with embracing and hugging each other as I adjust and embrace this culture prudently while some of the professors touted me because of my ‘erotic’ prayer I uttered at the closing prayer.

To express my gratitude having finished my J-Term three weeks class at CTU, I headed to Saint Peter Loop Church run by Franciscan Friars (OFM) at downtown Chicago by CTA bus to receive the compassion and love of God through confession or sacrament of reconciliation that I believe a special grace of God offered to me.

In the evening after supper, I had plenty of time to write this journal.

Saturday, January 29, 2005. “It is difficult to become a saint. Difficult, but not impossible. The road to perfection is long, as long as one’s lifetime. Along the way, consolation becomes rest; but as soon as your strength is restored, you must diligently get up and resume the trip” (Padre Pio).

With Ignas and Father Rudi Subagyo, osc, I went to Taste of Indonesian 2005 for the Great Tsunami Relief at the Salvation Army, Des Plaines from 12.15 p.m. to 3.30 p.m. It was held by several Indonesian groups and corporations in Chicago and visited by Indonesian and American people who care of the suffering victims of this greatest natural disaster in the history of humanity in the world. There were also the Indonesian Consulate General in Chicago, Mr. Daulat Pasaribu and Jesse White the Secretary State. It was reported by some several mass media in Chicago such as Chicago Tribune, ABC News, CLTV, etc. The event consists of video clip presentation of the Tsunami tragedy, remarks by Indonesian Consul General in Chicago and Jesse White, Indonesian traditional songs, music and dances beside lunch. Congratulation to the committee who worked hand in hand so that this event of charity could be held successfully. They are Chicago City Blessing (CCBC), Glory of the Lord Fellowship Pentecostal Church (GOLF) Chicago, Indonesian Christian Fellowship (ICF) Chicago, Indonesian Students Association (PERMIAS) Chicago and Kalamazoo, International Full Gospel Fellowship (IFGF) Chicago, Masyarakat Budha Indonesia, Masyarakat Hindu Indonesia, Masyarakat Muslim Indonesia in Chicago, Persekutuan Masyarakat Kristen Indonesia di Chicago (PMKI) and Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago (PWKI). Special thank I implore to Ibu Imelda Palmas who invited us to come to this event. Thank you very much.

Sunday, January 30, 2005. “Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5).

In the morning at 8 I attended Mass at Saint Thomas Church then did some work at the basement and laundry. In the afternoon I cooked simple food: Pizza and Tom Yum soup.

Tomorrow morning, Monday till Friday evening, we as community will be at Portiuncula retreat house, about 40 minutes away South of Chicago to have retreat guided by an SCJ father, John Czyzinski (the present novice director of the Sacred Heart Fathers in Hyde Park, Chicago).

5) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-4, 30 Januari 2005

Senin, 24 Januari 2004. “Kita seharusnya tidak membuat suatu kompromi dengan kasih yang bertentangan dengan kasih Allah sendiri” (Fransiskus dari Sales).

Kami mendengar kabar duka cita bahwa kakak tertua dari Pastor Willy Mukucha, SX yaitu Leopold meninggal dunia karena sakit stroke di Kanada. Kami semua berdoa bagi arwahnya dan keluarganya di R.D. Congo.

Pada hari Jumat 28 Januari saya menghadiri kuliah hari terakhir untuk Perkembangan Seksualitas Manusia yang Sehat untuk karya kerasulan/pelayanan di CTU di mana saya juga pada kesempatan ini membagikannya kepada Anda sekalian. Dalam doa penutup pada kelas terakhir hari Jumat ini, kami masing-masing mendoakan doa ‘erotis’ karya kami dan di sini saya juga mensharingkannya pada Anda di awal paper akhir saya (namun paper lengkapnya silahkan dibaca di edisi bahasa Inggrisnya di atas).

HEALTHY HUMAN SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT FOR MINISTRY (I-4010)
J-Term 2005
Ya Allah, Dikau tak tersentuh oleh indera manusiawiku
Namun Dikau dapat disentuh oleh pikiran dan kata-kataku.

Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan sentuhan kasih kedua orang tuaku
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan sentuhan kelamin papi dan mamiku
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan nafsu dan persetubuhan manusiawi
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku melalui penetrasi dan ejakulasi
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan persatuan sel telur mamiku dan sel sperma papiku.

Kuserahkan pada belaian belas kasihMU:
Kesadaran daya seksualitasku,
Identitas daya seksualitasku sebagai seorang lelaki,
Komitmen daya seksualitasku sebagai seorang selibat.

Pada saat yang bersamaan pula aku menyerahkan padamu:
Kesadaran daya rohaniku,
Identitas daya rohaniku,
Komitmen daya rohaniku,
Dalam persatuan dengan Dikau dan sesamaku menuju Perkembangan Seksualitas Manusiawi yang sehat.
Demi Kristus, Guru cinta dan belas kasih kami,
Amin.

Selasa, 25 Januari 2004. “Aku hidup bukan lagi aku, namun Kristus hidup dalam diriku” (Paulus, Gal 2:20)

Rabu, 26 Januari 2004. “Cinta itu sedemikian dahsyatnya sehingga dapat membuat satu hati dan satu kehendak dari pencinta dan yang dicintai” (Katharina dari Siena).

Kamis, 27 Januari 2004. “Taatilah inspirasi ilahi yang mungkin engkau ketahui datang dari Roh Kudus” (Angela Merici).

Di sore hari kami mengadakan pertemuan komunitas mengevaluasi program hidup bersama kami yang kali ini adalah bagian dimensi hidup bersama.

Jumat, 28 Januari 2004. “Kita perlu dipandu menuju Allah oleh dunia yang mampu kita indera dan oleh pemikiran tentang Kristus manusiawi, sehingga melihat Allah dengan mata telanjang kita ini kita akan dapat terangkat pada cinta apa yang tidak mampu kita lihat” (Thomas Aquinas)

Saya menghadiri kelas terakhir tentang seksualitas di CTU di mana kami menuliskan evaluasi atas kuliah ini terutama atas materi kuliah ini dan cara penyampaian materi oleh para dosen rekanan lalu ditutup dengan doa pentutupan serta saya mengumpulkan paper akhirku. Setelah mengakhiri kelas ini kami saling membagikan salam damai dengan tradisi budaya Amerika Serikat ini saling berpelukan dan merangkul satu sama lain sebagaimana saya telah beradaptasi dan memeluk budaya ini dengan bijak sementara beberapa dosen memujiku karena doa ‘erotis’ ku yang kudoakan di acara doa penutupan ini.

Untuk mewujudnyatakan syukurku telah mengakhiri kuliah tiga minggu J-Term ini di CTU, saya pergi menuju Gereja Santo Petrus Loop di downtown Chicago yang dilayani oleh Ordo Fransiskan (OFM) dengan naik bis CTA untuk menerima belas kasih dan cinta Allah melalui pengakuan dosa atau sakramen rekonsiliasi yang kupercaya sebagai suatu rahmat khusus yang ditawarkan oleh Allah bagi diriku secara pribadi.

Malam hari setelah makan malam, saya punya banyak waktu untuk menulis jurnal mingguan saya ini.

Sabtu, 29 Januari 2004. “Adalah sulit untuk menjadi orang kudus. Sulit, namun bukannya tidak mungkin. Jalan menuju kesempurnaan itu panjang, sepanjang kurun waktu hidup seseorang. Sepanjang perjalanan, penghiburan menjadi peristirahatan; namun segera sesudah kekuatanmu pulih kembali, engkau haruslah dengan tekun bangun dan melanjutkan perjalanan ini” (Padre Pio).

Bersama dengan Ignas dan Romo Rudi Subagyo, osc, saya pergi ke sebuah acara penggalangan dana untuk korban Tsunami di Indonesia bernama TOFI (Taste of Indonesian 2005 for the Great Tsunami Relief) di the Salvation Army, Des Plaines dari jam 12.15 hingga 3.30 sore. Acara ini diadakan oleh beberapa kelompok dan organisasi Indonesia di Chicago dan sekitarnya dan dikunjungi oleh masyarakat Indonesia dan Amerika di Chicago yang peduli akan para korban bencana paling besar dalam sejarah kehidupan umat manusia di dunia, Tsunami 26 Desember 2004. Nampak pula dalam acara ini Bapak Konsul Jenderal Indonesia di Chicago Daulat Pasaribu dan Mr. Jesse White, the Secretary State. Acara ini diliput oleh berbagai macam media massa di Chicago seperti Chicago Tribune, ABC News, CLTV, dsb. Acara ini terdiri dari penayangan video klip tsunami ini, kata sambutan dari Pak Konjen dan Mr. Jesse White, lagu, musik dan tarian tradisional Indonesia serta makan siang. Selamat kepada seluruh anggota komite yang telah bekerja keras dalam kerjasamanya sehingga acara amal dana ini terselenggara dengan sukses. Mereka adalah Chicago City Blessing (CCBC), Glory of the Lord Fellowship Pentecostal Church (GOLF) Chicago, Indonesian Christian Fellowship (ICF) Chicago, Indonesian Students Association (PERMIAS) Chicago and Kalamazoo, International Full Gospel Fellowship (IFGF) Chicago, Masyarakat Budha Indonesia, Masyarakat Hindu Indonesia, Masyarakat Muslim Indonesia in Chicago, Persekutuan Masyarakat Kristen Indonesia di Chicago (PMKI) and Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago (PWKI). Ucapan terima kasih secara khusus saya haturkan untuk Ibu Imelda Palmas yang telah sudi mengundang kami untuk acara ini. Limpah terima kasih.

Minggu, 30 Januari 2004. “Terberkatilah mereka yang murni hatinya, karena mereka akan melihat Allah” (Mateus 5).

Pagi hari pukul 8 saya ikut misa di Santo Thomas lalu mengerjakan sedikit kerja di basement dan cuci baju. Sore harinya saya memasak makanan yang siap saji tinggal dimasukkan oven, Pizza dan sup ala Thailand, Sup Tom Yum.

Besok hari Senin pagi hingga Jumat malam, kami akan berada ke rumah retret Fransiscan di Portiuncula, 40 menit sebelah Selatan Chicago untuk mengikuti retret bersama komunitas kami yang akan dipimpin oleh pastor SCJ bernama John Czyzinski (magister novis SCJ saat ini di Hyde Park, Chicago).