5) 4th Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 30, 2005
Monday, January 24, 2004. “We must make no compromise with a love that is contrary to the love of God” (Francis de Sales).
We heard of mourning news that the oldest brother of Father Willy Mukucha, SX named Leopold passed away because of his sickness in Canada. We all pray for him and his family in R.D. Congo.
On Friday January 28th I attended the last class of Human Sexual Development for Ministry at CTU in which I submitted my 10-page final paper and I would like to share to you as well. In the closing prayer at the last class we uttered our ‘erotic prayer’ and here I expressed my own prayer in the beginning of this paper.
HEALTHY HUMAN SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT FOR MINISTRY (I-4010)
J-Term 2005
O God, your are untouchable by my human senses
But you can be touched by our mind and words.
In inception you created me with loving touch of both of my parents
In inception you created me with genital touch of my father and mother
In inception you created me out of human passion and intercourse
In inception you created me through penetration and ejaculation
In inception you created me with union of her ovum and his sperm.
I commend to your compassionate touch:
My sexual awakening,
My sexual identity as a male,
My sexual commitment as a celibate person.
At the same time I commend to you:
My spiritual awakening
My spiritual identity
My spiritual commitment,
In union with you and others toward Healthy Human Sexual Development
Through Christ, our Master of Love and Compassion.
Amen.
1. How has my culture shaped my experiences and understanding of sexuality?
I was born and raised in East Java, Indonesia by a Chinese descent family who have already lived and adapted in local Javanese culture from a number of generations. In my family, my parents never talked about sex and sexuality to me because probably they considered that this issue is only for adult people and we will come to know about it when we are becoming adult. It is influenced so much of our local culture that talking about sex especially to the children is a taboo and shameful thing. It is only appropriately talked by adult persons and between a married-couple. Even my parents as I remember, never gave me advice about relationship to other gender as I grew up in high school. I came to know about sex and sexuality from my own searching, my self-discovery from newspaper, books and magazines. In the age of puberty, I was sometimes still confused and questioning about my own mysterious libido that I found out the answer from the wide-opened information in mass media. I felt ashamed also when somebody talking about this issue and I never raised the questions to competent persons.
In my own family, the greeting between our family members never expressed by touching each other, even I never embracing or shaking hand to my father, grandmother and siblings after so long time we did not meet each other. I never reflected deeply about this case but I ever read one article that some general culture among the Chinese descendants in Indonesia having such a custom. This influenced my way to relate others in school and society. Normally, I keep very strict boundaries to other gender in the relationship. The normal way to greet others in my own culture is shaking hand but never embracing each other.
Since in the kindergarten and primary school, gathering with other gender friends is a shameful way. It created a custom that I had to make friendship to my own gender, boys. Most of my close friends were boys and apparently I never had female friends in my house despite my own shyness attitude. At primary school normally we sit with the same gender friend and very seldom we sit with other gender friend. Once I sit with a female friend, I felt very uncomfortable and too cautious keeping boundaries especially in secondary high school.
Even though it seems that sexuality is taboo but in the society especially in mass media such as movie, film and advertisement, we can see daily performance that tends to sex and vulgar relationship between man and woman. It makes many children more curious to know about sex and sexuality without taken care by the parents and adult persons. The information that I got was ranging from positive to negative teachings and sometimes ambiguous and I did not know which one the right according to the norm of my Catholic religion. One major thing that probably makes me think and reflect is self-pleasure such as masturbation. It is struck me when I found that there are some different approaches and arguments regard to this issue in the traditional Catholic teaching and other modern thinkers. Some consider it as mortal sin and others as venial sin and one author says it is not sin. “Masturbation is not a sign of the perfection we as celibates strive to live; neither is it sin. It is simply imperfection-that which we all are and yet strive to overcome” (Donald Goergen, The Sexual Celibate, p. 203). Some myths about this disorder sexual custom in Indonesia influenced also my understanding about sexuality.
Since I have lived in the USA I have to adjust the custom and culture of embracing and hugging each other in friendship. When I saw this Western culture when I was in Indonesia, I wondered how I could adjust this custom. In my ministry at a retreat house as my Ministry Practicum I from CTU dealing with teenagers, I was struck by the relationship of girls and boys the retreatans who mostly the Caucasians. Among boys and girls, they have very close physical relationship as if there is no boundary. It never happened in my experience as a teenager in Indonesia. It somehow makes me appalled and jealous. As a minister among them, I should adjust theirs custom. Recently, after finishing the weekend retreat, at the closing prayer, some of the girls, the retreatans expressed their gratitude and peace to me with hugging and embracing. It made me being accepted by them and the gesture that I practiced was simply responding their first initiative to hug me then I opened to their gesture. Even though I have been living in the USA for two years but this gesture to hug and to be hugged especially with other gender still sometimes makes me feel little bit strange since it is not my custom in Indonesia. At the same time I feel good to touch and to be touched by others. One principle that I do agree and I have practice it in my ministry is “Touch is to be used in ministry only to address the needs of the person the religious is assisting, not to meet the needs of the religious” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
In regard of human healthy boundary in a life of ministry, I see there is different value of one culture to another one. For example, in my country Indonesia, getting along with children at primary school (the picture below) such as my experience as I visited them before I departed to the USA is an acceptable manner. But, I do not think in the USA it can be practiced easily like in Indonesia, instead I should be cautious dealing with the children because the issue of sexual scandal of clergies. Therefore, I should be prudent on what I am doing in my ministry dealing with people, to respect local values and to be flexible in pastoral issues not to be rigid.
2. “Exploring Commitments and My Capacity for Making and Keeping Them”
I chose ‘FRIENDSHIP’ because this word recalls my experience dealing with so many people in my life as of now. Starting with my friends of close neighbors in some areas that I had been living in, namely schools, working places, my formation time in the Xaverian Missionaries, and all people whom I met during my ministry as a religious, teacher and a friend of them.
There is one special female friend who gave me a lot of meaning enduring what I have been choosing as a religious. Her care of me drew me to a certain feeling that I never had before, namely, feeling of falling in love to a girl. It put me on a threshold of my journey toward a missionary-religious-priesthood and at the same time transformed and awakened me who I am as a normal human being. In the insight of this experience, I want to try recalling my sweet memory dealing with myself in my great memorable experience to love and to be loved as a human being.
It is a really unforgettable story that I ever have in my life journey as a male being. One evening in August 2000, I attended a priesthood ordination of four priests in a Catholic Church in Jakarta-Indonesia. I have been attending a couple of times this kind of celebration since I was in High School. It is always a solemn Mass with a big celebration that I also want to experience to be one of the ordained priests someday. After the Mass lasted I met some nuns who are friends of my Xaverians confrere. They introduced me to a nice-looking girl who is their friend. Back on that day, I was very happy meeting with her while she was joking and telling me that she is a candidate of nun. I knew that she was just kidding. It was a nice day that I could ever have in my life and imagined as if she would be one of my friends. Since I did not have any idea who really she is; so my impression lasted on that day. A couple of days later, she called me up in my Xaverians philosophy house and since then she often did so. In the beginning I was so happy receiving her phone call because I never had this kind of experience that a girl friend has attention to me. In the human level, I was consoled but I was wondering with myself: how do I deal with such a feeling and my religious life. In one side, I was happy to have a girl friend that gave me attention but the other side my heart was not in peace because I have chosen a celibate-religious life. It seemed that she did call me up often times till she asked me favor to come visiting me in my Xaverians house. I welcomed her delightfully and she came with her girl friend as well. In the beginning, she told me that she wanted to know some religious orders of nuns but after she came, she never wanted to know them. I guessed she only wanted to know my life closely. After this visit, she continued calling me up almost everyday. Finally one evening she asked me help to accompany her to go to a hospital since she did not have a friend. I did not answer directly what she asked, instead I needed some time to decide it. In my prayer in the chapel, I had a fixed and clear answer to say NO to her, but after she called, I could not say NO, but saying YES. I did not know why I could not deny her hope. Probably, I already had a certain feeling and wanted to meet her again. To say that I experienced what people say, falling in love. It was a really a joyful feeling that I ever have in my life. Even though I know that I have embraced my religious life but I still had this kind of feeling, to love other that is the opposite sex. Eventually, I met her and I had mixed motivation to meet her: to help her and to meet her because she was interesting to me. First time I met her, after taking her to a hospital, she invited me to go to have lunch at a Mall. I told her that it would be a scandal if someone knows that I go with her. But, anyway, I did that while I hoped nobody would see me. In our conversation during the lunch, she tried to know my identity and I did so. Afterward, we entered a store and she bought two cassette tapes of pianists, Richard Clayderman and Sharon, a little Chinese girl pianist. I was wondering why she bought two same cassettes at a time. At the counter of cashier, she wrote on the tape her name and the date we had that time, 31 August 2000 and gave one to me. I could not deny her kindness while she said, “When you come to your house, listen to it and when you listen to it, please remember me.” In my daily lives, my mind, my heart and my dream were devoted to her. If I heard a phone ring, my heart was trembling and my affection suddenly remembering her. The second time, I accompanied her to go to a hospital to have treatment for her sickness. This time she treated me to eat noodle at a restaurant. The third and the last time, I accompanied her to have a small operation of her sickness. This time I had an initiative to exchange our pictures. The more I knew her closely, the more I wanted to remember her face in my dream and imagination. Finally, I got her picture that I could see it everyday when I had missed her.
One Sunday noon, she invited me in her friend’s birthday. We were four, namely three girls and including me. We had lunch at a Mall and I parked my bicycle in a motorcycle parking lot at the basement. After we had a good time, I went to the basement to take my bicycle. One thing happened that I never expected before, namely, my favorite bicycle, which took me to many places in Jakarta was lost. I tried to find it out but I could not get it. Somebody had stolen it. I was so depressed and sad with this experience. After a happiness I got, I had to take up a very sad moment; how contrast it was. My Xaverians confreres, who knew what I had done, most of them laughed at me. It was a big mistake that I did and really an embarrassing one.
What I could learn of this experience was: I have to be grateful that I did not lose my vocation to be a missionary-religious-priesthood, but God was still kind to me and God had a sense of humor that the lost of my bicycle reprimanded me to be careful with my relationship and my feeling toward others. Knowing my bicycle was lost, she and her friends felt sorry and I said no problem; “it’s not your fault, it’s a really tragedy, it shouldn’t bother you.” After this event, she was very seldom to call me up. In the beginning, I was feeling sad and lost of her but with time running, I could endure and accept it. My feeling of love and to be loved, little by little, was disappearing. I recalled my study that I received from my professors in my philosophy study: “To love and to be loved as a human person are the highest meaning we can draw in our life” (Franz Magnis Suseno, SJ). Another lesson of my professor is when I fall in love, as soon as possible I should stand up, awake and be aware of then to build this love in positive way. From my spiritual director I learn that to love is a commitment, not a feeling merely. This unforgettable memory strengthens my commitment to embrace my religious life even though in the beginning it cost me a lot of tension and confusion in my own personality and freedom. To be honest to myself and to others especially my formator, I told this love story both to my formators and my confreres in order to let them know who I was at that time and to ask help to endure this long-life vocation. My strength is that I could accept this moving experience as a positive lesson and to share plainly to others. In addition, to treat her and other friends as God’s people in their dignity and still keep them in my prayer that God allowed them to come into my life story.
It suggests me to be more aware that I am a man who needs care, love, attention and acceptance of others especially other gender. It makes me realized that I am a normal man who devotes myself to God’s service in a celibate way with all consequences such as loneliness, lack of love and attention of others, depression and isolated life. In my fragility as a human being, I just surrender to God’s compassion to keep me being faithful in my daily journey. When I fall down into temptation, I believe it signs me that I am a fragile human, not myself who can endure this kind of life but merely God’s love and compassion and also God’s great grace. Without God, I am nothing. My commitments to my religious life in order to ministering God’s people are full of struggle in my whole life that require a lot of patience, wisdom and daily denying of myself. In my weaknesses I commit myself to God. “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).
I am grateful to have this kind of experience of feeling, falling in love and to be loved by the other. I never had this experience before, so I am grateful to my friend who finally married with her chosen man. Even, with my big heart, I attended their wedding both the reception and the ceremony at a church.
Even though she never told me about her feeling and I never did so, but from her attitude, gesture and symbols that she expressed externally to me, I considered them as a symbol of love. Maybe I made a mistake to draw a meaning quickly. It is a really good experience and lesson to me to pass my crisis and threshold toward my previous way of life in the Xaverians Missionaries that I have chose freely. This experience I believe, is a message of God that challenges me whether I am still faithful to my vocation to become a religious-missionary-priest or not. With this experience, it does not mean that I will not fall again in the same case. At least, I had known what is the meaning to be loved by others and it entails me to be humble and not to take advantage for my own self. Moreover I have to surrender to God’s will, not me O God, not me, but only your love enables me to love others respectfully.
Some clues that I can enhance my ability to be with others in a committed relationship in ministry are to be honest to myself and to respect others in their dignity as human beings and do my best to love them in mutual and unconditional way. Full of compassion and forgiveness to others will cure some conflicts that may occur in the relationship. To be aware of the ministry boundaries is a wise way to relate to others in the ministry and at the same time not to be afraid in dealing with them in cooperative way as teamwork. To be authentic as I am in front of the others will help others and myself as well to know each other better.
3. Sexuality and Spirituality
In a celibate life I am enduring now the spiritual life is the core of this way of life. To be spiritual does not mean that I neglect my sexuality and my body instead I have long life duty to integrate both sexuality and spirituality. The goal of both the sexual life and spiritual life is union of the individual with God and with others. Being sexual involves many aspects of personality: affectivity, sociality, genitality, femininity, masculinity, heterosexuality, homosexuality, sexual identity and love. In the spiritual development according to Goergen there are three phases, namely, spiritual awakening, religious identity and spiritual commitment. In the parallel of this spiritual development, there is also sexual development, namely, sexual awakening, sexual identity and sexual commitment.
A sexual awakening happens in one’s life when sexuality comes to life with full force that gives rise also to a spiritual awakening. It begins in childhood, an adolescent phase, matures to old age where it bears fruit. Once a person has become spiritually aware, the task of sexual identity and spiritual identity are discovered. I come to accept myself as a sexual person of a certain sex and a certain sexual orientation. I begin to see myself as a spiritual person within a particular religion or belief. Commitment or decision is an important task in becoming a spiritual person. Goergen points out that the spiritual awakening brings spirituality to the level of awareness, the spiritual identity brings it to the level of self-acceptance and the commitment brings it to the level of responsibility. The commitment is not merely mine but it involves other people. In the celibate life, the commitment deals with community not only God and myself. I do agree with this statement, “The most effective way to prevent misconduct in ministry is to nurture healthy relationships with colleagues (i.e., members within congregations), with others, and with God, as well as to pay heed to mind-body-spirit connections” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
The celibate life can be understood in the relationship of oneself to God, to fellow men and women. Celibate chastity is not something I can achieve once and for all but a life-long process that implies a growth toward maturity and union with God and others. Kierkegaard says that purity of heart was to will one thing. Even though I believe that the celibate life is my life I chose freely but as a normal human being, I believe that sometimes I fall short in temptations. It reminds me that I am not perfect, I still need to be humble asking God’s compassion and strength to stand up again toward the ideal. A spiritual person as Saint Augustine exemplified, is restless until one rests in God. “Spirituality is less about getting it right all the time and more about realizing that pain, struggle, and mistakes are an essential part of living. The full appreciation of inner serenity is achieved only after having to come to terms with one’s own weakness, limitations, and shortcomings” (Kevin P. McClone).
Goergen suggests to live and keep the celibate life, one should live it out in the spirit of discipline, solitude and joy. The discipline life is not for discipline itself but always for the integration and wholeness of the person. “Fulfillment paradoxically comes through healthy asceticism, sacrifice, and surrender” (Kevin P. McClone). The goal of solitude life is love and compassion. It must be based on prayer and meditation. In the Song of Songs the lovers after uttering extravagance of language realizes the insufficiency of words. “The search for love also reveals the need for a balance between solitude and intimacy. The call to intimacy is also a call to learn that, however much two people love each other, they never own each other nor finally know each other” (Philip Sheldrake). There are three spiritual joys in the heart of celibate person, namely friendship, ministry and prayer. These joys are never complete in our lives because our joys are mixed by negative feelings and experiences. Our joy will be completed perfectly by God in the eschatological kingdom.
CONCLUSION
To live the healthy human sexual development for ministry in my celibate life is not based on the celibate life of Jesus of Nazareth but upon Jesus of Nazareth as fully human, as a sexual and spiritual being, as man of faith, as God’s presence in history, as revelatory event, as corporate person, and as the Christ who calls us and invites us to live as He did and does. It is my duty as a celibate person to integrate my life of both a sexual and spiritual being at the service of God’s Kingdom. In order to endure this virtue I remember the Testament–Letter number 5 of the founder of the Xaverian Missionaries, Blessed Guido Conforti, “Remember, humility is the best safeguard of chastity. There is no better application for the wisdom of Sirach than here: ‘He who wastes the little he has will be stripped bare’ (Sir. 19:1).”
“Humility is recognizing our fundamental need for others and God. Humility is not thinking too much or too little of oneself but a more realistic acceptance of who we are with all our strengths and limitations” (Kevin P. McClone).
Tuesday, January 25, 2004. “I live no longer I, but Christ lives in me” (Paul, Gal 2:20)
Wednesday, January 26, 2004. “Love is so powerful that it makes one heart and one will of lover and beloved” (Catherine of Siena).
Thursday, January 27, 2004. “Obey divine inspirations that you may recognize as coming from the Holy Spirit” (Angela Merici).
In the afternoon we had a community meeting evaluating our community project of life in the dimension of community life.
Friday, January 28, 2004. “We need to be led to God by the world we sense and by thinking of Christ the man, so that seeing God with our own eyes we can be lifted up to love what we cannot see” (Thomas Aquinas)
I attended the last class of sexuality at CTU in which we did evaluation of the class and closing prayer and I submitted my final paper. After finishing the class we exchanged peace manner with embracing and hugging each other as I adjust and embrace this culture prudently while some of the professors touted me because of my ‘erotic’ prayer I uttered at the closing prayer.
To express my gratitude having finished my J-Term three weeks class at CTU, I headed to Saint Peter Loop Church run by Franciscan Friars (OFM) at downtown Chicago by CTA bus to receive the compassion and love of God through confession or sacrament of reconciliation that I believe a special grace of God offered to me.
In the evening after supper, I had plenty of time to write this journal.
Saturday, January 29, 2005. “It is difficult to become a saint. Difficult, but not impossible. The road to perfection is long, as long as one’s lifetime. Along the way, consolation becomes rest; but as soon as your strength is restored, you must diligently get up and resume the trip” (Padre Pio).
With Ignas and Father Rudi Subagyo, osc, I went to Taste of Indonesian 2005 for the Great Tsunami Relief at the Salvation Army, Des Plaines from 12.15 p.m. to 3.30 p.m. It was held by several Indonesian groups and corporations in Chicago and visited by Indonesian and American people who care of the suffering victims of this greatest natural disaster in the history of humanity in the world. There were also the Indonesian Consulate General in Chicago, Mr. Daulat Pasaribu and Jesse White the Secretary State. It was reported by some several mass media in Chicago such as Chicago Tribune, ABC News, CLTV, etc. The event consists of video clip presentation of the Tsunami tragedy, remarks by Indonesian Consul General in Chicago and Jesse White, Indonesian traditional songs, music and dances beside lunch. Congratulation to the committee who worked hand in hand so that this event of charity could be held successfully. They are Chicago City Blessing (CCBC), Glory of the Lord Fellowship Pentecostal Church (GOLF) Chicago, Indonesian Christian Fellowship (ICF) Chicago, Indonesian Students Association (PERMIAS) Chicago and Kalamazoo, International Full Gospel Fellowship (IFGF) Chicago, Masyarakat Budha Indonesia, Masyarakat Hindu Indonesia, Masyarakat Muslim Indonesia in Chicago, Persekutuan Masyarakat Kristen Indonesia di Chicago (PMKI) and Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago (PWKI). Special thank I implore to Ibu Imelda Palmas who invited us to come to this event. Thank you very much.
Sunday, January 30, 2005. “Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5).
In the morning at 8 I attended Mass at Saint Thomas Church then did some work at the basement and laundry. In the afternoon I cooked simple food: Pizza and Tom Yum soup.
Tomorrow morning, Monday till Friday evening, we as community will be at Portiuncula retreat house, about 40 minutes away South of Chicago to have retreat guided by an SCJ father, John Czyzinski (the present novice director of the Sacred Heart Fathers in Hyde Park, Chicago).
5) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-4, 30 Januari 2005
Senin, 24 Januari 2004. “Kita seharusnya tidak membuat suatu kompromi dengan kasih yang bertentangan dengan kasih Allah sendiri” (Fransiskus dari Sales).
Kami mendengar kabar duka cita bahwa kakak tertua dari Pastor Willy Mukucha, SX yaitu Leopold meninggal dunia karena sakit stroke di Kanada. Kami semua berdoa bagi arwahnya dan keluarganya di R.D. Congo.
Pada hari Jumat 28 Januari saya menghadiri kuliah hari terakhir untuk Perkembangan Seksualitas Manusia yang Sehat untuk karya kerasulan/pelayanan di CTU di mana saya juga pada kesempatan ini membagikannya kepada Anda sekalian. Dalam doa penutup pada kelas terakhir hari Jumat ini, kami masing-masing mendoakan doa ‘erotis’ karya kami dan di sini saya juga mensharingkannya pada Anda di awal paper akhir saya (namun paper lengkapnya silahkan dibaca di edisi bahasa Inggrisnya di atas).
HEALTHY HUMAN SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT FOR MINISTRY (I-4010)
J-Term 2005
Ya Allah, Dikau tak tersentuh oleh indera manusiawiku
Namun Dikau dapat disentuh oleh pikiran dan kata-kataku.
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan sentuhan kasih kedua orang tuaku
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan sentuhan kelamin papi dan mamiku
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan nafsu dan persetubuhan manusiawi
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku melalui penetrasi dan ejakulasi
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan persatuan sel telur mamiku dan sel sperma papiku.
Kuserahkan pada belaian belas kasihMU:
Kesadaran daya seksualitasku,
Identitas daya seksualitasku sebagai seorang lelaki,
Komitmen daya seksualitasku sebagai seorang selibat.
Pada saat yang bersamaan pula aku menyerahkan padamu:
Kesadaran daya rohaniku,
Identitas daya rohaniku,
Komitmen daya rohaniku,
Dalam persatuan dengan Dikau dan sesamaku menuju Perkembangan Seksualitas Manusiawi yang sehat.
Demi Kristus, Guru cinta dan belas kasih kami,
Amin.
Selasa, 25 Januari 2004. “Aku hidup bukan lagi aku, namun Kristus hidup dalam diriku” (Paulus, Gal 2:20)
Rabu, 26 Januari 2004. “Cinta itu sedemikian dahsyatnya sehingga dapat membuat satu hati dan satu kehendak dari pencinta dan yang dicintai” (Katharina dari Siena).
Kamis, 27 Januari 2004. “Taatilah inspirasi ilahi yang mungkin engkau ketahui datang dari Roh Kudus” (Angela Merici).
Di sore hari kami mengadakan pertemuan komunitas mengevaluasi program hidup bersama kami yang kali ini adalah bagian dimensi hidup bersama.
Jumat, 28 Januari 2004. “Kita perlu dipandu menuju Allah oleh dunia yang mampu kita indera dan oleh pemikiran tentang Kristus manusiawi, sehingga melihat Allah dengan mata telanjang kita ini kita akan dapat terangkat pada cinta apa yang tidak mampu kita lihat” (Thomas Aquinas)
Saya menghadiri kelas terakhir tentang seksualitas di CTU di mana kami menuliskan evaluasi atas kuliah ini terutama atas materi kuliah ini dan cara penyampaian materi oleh para dosen rekanan lalu ditutup dengan doa pentutupan serta saya mengumpulkan paper akhirku. Setelah mengakhiri kelas ini kami saling membagikan salam damai dengan tradisi budaya Amerika Serikat ini saling berpelukan dan merangkul satu sama lain sebagaimana saya telah beradaptasi dan memeluk budaya ini dengan bijak sementara beberapa dosen memujiku karena doa ‘erotis’ ku yang kudoakan di acara doa penutupan ini.
Untuk mewujudnyatakan syukurku telah mengakhiri kuliah tiga minggu J-Term ini di CTU, saya pergi menuju Gereja Santo Petrus Loop di downtown Chicago yang dilayani oleh Ordo Fransiskan (OFM) dengan naik bis CTA untuk menerima belas kasih dan cinta Allah melalui pengakuan dosa atau sakramen rekonsiliasi yang kupercaya sebagai suatu rahmat khusus yang ditawarkan oleh Allah bagi diriku secara pribadi.
Malam hari setelah makan malam, saya punya banyak waktu untuk menulis jurnal mingguan saya ini.
Sabtu, 29 Januari 2004. “Adalah sulit untuk menjadi orang kudus. Sulit, namun bukannya tidak mungkin. Jalan menuju kesempurnaan itu panjang, sepanjang kurun waktu hidup seseorang. Sepanjang perjalanan, penghiburan menjadi peristirahatan; namun segera sesudah kekuatanmu pulih kembali, engkau haruslah dengan tekun bangun dan melanjutkan perjalanan ini” (Padre Pio).
Bersama dengan Ignas dan Romo Rudi Subagyo, osc, saya pergi ke sebuah acara penggalangan dana untuk korban Tsunami di Indonesia bernama TOFI (Taste of Indonesian 2005 for the Great Tsunami Relief) di the Salvation Army, Des Plaines dari jam 12.15 hingga 3.30 sore. Acara ini diadakan oleh beberapa kelompok dan organisasi Indonesia di Chicago dan sekitarnya dan dikunjungi oleh masyarakat Indonesia dan Amerika di Chicago yang peduli akan para korban bencana paling besar dalam sejarah kehidupan umat manusia di dunia, Tsunami 26 Desember 2004. Nampak pula dalam acara ini Bapak Konsul Jenderal Indonesia di Chicago Daulat Pasaribu dan Mr. Jesse White, the Secretary State. Acara ini diliput oleh berbagai macam media massa di Chicago seperti Chicago Tribune, ABC News, CLTV, dsb. Acara ini terdiri dari penayangan video klip tsunami ini, kata sambutan dari Pak Konjen dan Mr. Jesse White, lagu, musik dan tarian tradisional Indonesia serta makan siang. Selamat kepada seluruh anggota komite yang telah bekerja keras dalam kerjasamanya sehingga acara amal dana ini terselenggara dengan sukses. Mereka adalah Chicago City Blessing (CCBC), Glory of the Lord Fellowship Pentecostal Church (GOLF) Chicago, Indonesian Christian Fellowship (ICF) Chicago, Indonesian Students Association (PERMIAS) Chicago and Kalamazoo, International Full Gospel Fellowship (IFGF) Chicago, Masyarakat Budha Indonesia, Masyarakat Hindu Indonesia, Masyarakat Muslim Indonesia in Chicago, Persekutuan Masyarakat Kristen Indonesia di Chicago (PMKI) and Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago (PWKI). Ucapan terima kasih secara khusus saya haturkan untuk Ibu Imelda Palmas yang telah sudi mengundang kami untuk acara ini. Limpah terima kasih.
Minggu, 30 Januari 2004. “Terberkatilah mereka yang murni hatinya, karena mereka akan melihat Allah” (Mateus 5).
Pagi hari pukul 8 saya ikut misa di Santo Thomas lalu mengerjakan sedikit kerja di basement dan cuci baju. Sore harinya saya memasak makanan yang siap saji tinggal dimasukkan oven, Pizza dan sup ala Thailand, Sup Tom Yum.
Besok hari Senin pagi hingga Jumat malam, kami akan berada ke rumah retret Fransiscan di Portiuncula, 40 menit sebelah Selatan Chicago untuk mengikuti retret bersama komunitas kami yang akan dipimpin oleh pastor SCJ bernama John Czyzinski (magister novis SCJ saat ini di Hyde Park, Chicago).
Friday, June 03, 2005
3rd Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 23, 2005
4) 3rd Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 23, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2004. “Three qualities of marriage are unconditional love, coming to consensus and active forgiving” (Kathy Haskin).
Today is the USA national day off, celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. In the morning from 10 to 12 I met a Canon Law professor, a Norbertin Abbot from Milwaukee, Father Gary Naville at CTU in order to do suggestion of my academic advisor, Gil Ostdiek, OFM to have private tutoring about Sacrament of Penance. I thank to him that he gave me enough explanation of the sacrament of penance and probably I will review again his handout given to me. One thing that is interesting to me: he has a principle that before we learn how to give sacrament of penance to the faithful, it is much better if I am as a seminarian having a custom to receive the sacrament and believe on the meaning of it and to live it out in my spiritual journey actively and consciously in which someday as a priest I will minister of it to others. This is exactly, the principle that I have until now. How we become faithfully and believe to give this sacrament to the faithful if we as priests are not confident and faithful to practice it. He added that most of the seminarians he taught in 1990’s at CTU, they did not go to the sacrament of penance frequently after many years. What an irony?
Tuesday, January 18, 2004. “All of the spirituality life can be summed up in two words, ‘Stay Awake.’” (Bishop Morneau of Green Bay).
Today in the Mass we celebrated the intention of Christian Unity (Oikumene). From 18 to 25 January there is a week of prayer by the Churches in the world. At CTU I attended a class of sexuality in which we watched a videocassette of Diane Bergant explaining the Book Song of Songs. Even though it was just a videocassette, I could not fall asleep because she has a sort of inner power to transfer her knowledge beside her talent of teaching.
Wednesday, January 19, 2004. “Marriage is a unique sign of the incarnation, of the mystery that the transcendent reality of God became flesh in the person and life of Christ, just as men and women incarnate their transforming reality of divine grace in their total love for one another” (Karl Rahner).
After arriving home at noon, I watched some videocassettes about sexuality that we have in the TV room at the basement in order to give me more understanding of the class that I have this month.
Thursday, January 20, 2004. “Love is not simply a matter of immediate feelings. There may be times, even in deep love commitments, when tangible feelings are absent” (Philip Sheldrake).
Almost the whole day it’s snowing. I had a discussion group in the sexuality class at the 8th floor of CTU building. In the afternoon, at 3 to 5 p.m. we had a community meeting continuing to evaluate our community project of life in the spiritual dimension. At night I did write this weekly journal that I draw the quotations from my reading on the sexuality class that I read during this week. As I read the reading assignments, I was impressed by some sentences, therefore I wrote down on this journal.
Friday, January 21, 2004. ”The search for love also reveals the need for a balance between solitude and intimacy. The call to intimacy is also a call to learn that, however much two people love each other, they never own each other nor finally know each other” (Philip Sheldrake).
In morning I attended a sexuality class at CTU and in the afternoon Dharmawan took me to my ministry site, David Darst Center. There was a youth group from Lansing Catholic High School in Michigan having this weekend retreat. They are 11 senior students (7 girls and 4 boys) and two teachers. This time Gayle, was not there since she went to visit her father who is sick in Missouri. So, this retreat was run only by Sister Paula and myself. In the first session I gave a game that has a meaning of cross, a rope game. It seemed they enjoy it. Dharmawan helped me prepare and lead the Taize prayer for night prayer. I stayed at this retreat house and Dharmawan left soon after the night prayer finished while snow was falling heavily.
Saturday, January 22, 2005. “Loneliness, vulnerability, and loss can stir sexual longing and create countertransferential reactions that, if left unprocessed, can add confusion to ministerial relationship. Sexual feelings need to be owned and processed in therapy, spiritual direction, supervision, support groups, and/or ministry groups” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Woke up in the morning, I shoveled bunch of snow at the front side of the retreat house. There was a volunteer lady named Peg O’Brien cooking for our breakfast and lunch. In the morning till noon, we were guided by an African American Christian Brother, named Raymond to a tour seeing South side area of Chicago by their white van car. After having lunch, we went to Blessed Sacrament Youth Center in which we intermingled with the youth mostly African American, playing games such as basketball, video games, pool, etc. We continued our visit to Lakeview Shelter and together with some homeless men, we had supper that was prepared by Sister Paula and their two teachers. The students had conversation with them and played games and jokes. At night, Sister Paula led them a reflection. It’s a tiring day with a lot of snow adorned the street about 6-12 inches.
Sunday, January 23, 2005. “The most effective way to prevent misconduct in ministry is to nurture healthy relationships with colleagues (i.e., members within congregations), with others, and with God, as well as to pay heed to mind-body-spirit connections” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
In the morning once again I did clean snow in front of the door of the retreat house, had breakfast and together we had Mass at Saint Basil Catholic Church at 9. After the Mass, we went down to the basement having snack and hospitality with the parishioners who mostly are African American. We proceeded to visit ‘SU CASA’, a house of Catholic Workers in which there are about 30 people live there momentarily and mostly coming from Latin American countries. A German young man named Phil guided us to know this shelter mainly for women and children. They have also a soup kitchen serving lunch for the homeless people every Sunday. We joined them in serving food and eating lunch together. I met a Maryknoll student who just started his theology study at CTU this J-Term. He’s Tim originally from Philadelphia and knows Father Herondi, SX as well. At 1.30 p.m. we went back to David Darst retreat house and the students did some work to clean the retreat house and jotted down the evaluation for this weekend retreat. In the closing prayer led by Sister Paula, we anointed the students with oil as a sign of sending them “to spread the word for the poor, to heal the sick, to free the captives and to renew the face of the earth.” It’s a good retreat for me, at least I feel comfortable with the students who were friendly to me even though I have a silent character. I feel they accepted me and it’s good experience to listen their youth conversation along the way to go some sites. I tried to remember their names: Nick, Adam, David, Phil, Angi, Kellyn, Emily, Danielle, Erin, Kristina and Ashley. Their two teachers: Mr. Doug and Mrs. Marty. At 4 p.m. they departed to their hometown in Lansing, Michigan, about 4 hours away to North. Sister Paula took me home in Hyde Park at 5 p.m.
“Touch is to be used in ministry only to address the needs of the person the religious is assisting, not to meet the needs of the religious” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
“Humility is recognizing our fundamental need for others and God. Humility is not thinking too much or too little of oneself but a more realistic acceptance of who we are with all our strengths and limitations” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Fulfillment paradoxically comes through healthy asceticism, sacrifice, and surrender” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Spirituality is less about getting it right all the time and more about realizing that pain, struggle, and mistakes are an essential part of living. The full appreciation of inner serenity is achieved only after having to come to terms with one’s own weakness, limitations, and shortcomings” (Kevin P. McClone).
4) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-3, 23 Januari 2005
Senin, 17 Januari 2004. “Tiga kualitas perkawinan adalah cinta tanpa syarat, pencapaian konsensus/kesepakatan dan pengampunan yang aktif” (Kathy Haskin).
Hari ini adalah hari libur nasional USA, merayakan hari Martin Luther King Jr. Pagi hari dari jam 10 hingga 12 siang, saya bertemu dosen Hukum Kanonik, seorang abas tarekat Norbertin dari Milwaukee, Pastor Gary Naville di CTU untuk memenuhi usulan penasehat akademis saya, Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk mendapatkan kursus privat tentang Sakramen Rekonsiliasi menurut Hukum Gereja Katolik. Saya bersyukur kepada dosen ini yang sudah memberikan penjelasan yang cukup panjang lebar selama dua jam tentang sakramen tobat ini dan kemungkinan saya harus melihat kembali materi yang diberikannya padaku. Satu hal yang menarik adalah: dia berprinsip bahwa sebelum kita belajar memberikan sakramen tobat pada orang lain, sungguh lebih baik kalau saya sebagai seminaris memiliki keyakinan mendalam akan arti pentingnya sakramen ini dan menghidupinya/menjalankannya dalam perjalanan hidup rohani sebagai calon imam yang nantinya akan memberikan sakramen ini pada umat. Ini adalah prinsip yang saya yakini sejak dulu. Bagaimana kita dengan setia dan percaya memberikan sakramen tobat pada umat kalau kita sebagai imam tidak yakin dan menjalankannya dengan tekun. Ia menambahkan bahwa kebanyakan para seminaris/frater yang ia ajar di tahun 1990-an di CTU, mereka tidak pernah lagi pergi ke sakramen pengakuan dosa setelah sekian tahun lamanya. Betapa suatu ironi-kah?
Selasa, 18 Januari 2004. “Seluruh hidup kerohanian dapat diringkas dalam dua kata, ‘Tetap Berjaga/sadar.’” (Bishop Morneau of Green Bay).
Hari ini dalam misa kami merayakan intensi misa persatuan Umat Kristiani (Oikumene). Dari tanggal18 hingga 25 Januari ada pekan doa oleh gereja-gereja di seluruh dunia. Di CTU saya mengikuti kuliah seksualitas di mana kami menonton sebuah video yaitu seorang dosen Kitab Suci CTU bernama Diane Bergant menjelaskan Kitab Kidung Agung dari Perjanjian Lama. Kendati hanya menonton kaset video, namun saya tidak dapat tertidur karena memang dosen yang satu ini nampaknya memiliki semacam tenaga ‘dalam’ untuk menyampaikan pengetahuannya disamping bakatnya mengajar.
Rabu, 19 Januari 2004. “Perkawinan adalah suatu tanda unik dari inkarnasi, suatu misteri di mana realitas transenden Allah menjadi daging dalam diri dan kehidupan Kristus, seperti pria dan wanita menginkarnasi realitas yang tertransformasi oleh rahmat ilahi dalam cinta kasih yang utuh diantara mereka” (Karl Rahner).
Setelah tiba di rumah, saya menonton beberapa kaset video tentang seksualitas yang ada di ruang TV basement untuk menambah pemahaman pribadi tentang kelas seksualitas yang saya ambil di bulan Januari ini.
Kamis, 20 Januari 2004. “Cinta bukanlah semata perasaan belaka. Ada kalanya, dalam kasih penuh komitmen yang mendalam, perasaan-perasaan yang nyata ini tidak hadir” (Philip Sheldrake).
Hampir sepanjang hari ini hujan salju. Saya ke CTU mengikuti diskusi kelompok dalam kuliah seksualitas di lantai 8 gedung CTU. Di sore hari, dari jam 3 hingga 5 kami mengadakan rapat komunitas melanjutkan evaluasi program hidup bersama kami tentang dimensi kerohanian. Malam hari saya menulis jurnal mingguan ini di mana saya mengambil kutipan-kutipan dari bacaan kuliah seksualitas yang saya baca selama seminggu ini. Saat membaca tugas bacaan-bacaan ini, saya terkesan dengan beberapa kalimat, maka saya menuliskannya di jurnal ini.
Jumat, 21 Januari 2004. ”Pencarian cinta juga mewahyukan keperluan akan keseimbangan antara kesunyian dan intimasi. Panggilan untuk intimasi juga suatu panggilan untuk belajar, bahwa meskipun dua insan saling mencintai satu sama lain, mereka tak akan pernah saling memiliki, juga mereka akhirnya tidak akan mengenal satu sama lain” (Philip Sheldrake).
Pagi hari saya ikut kuliah seksualits di CTU dan sorenya Dharmawan mengantarku ke tempat kerasulanku di rumah retret, David Darst Center. Kali ini yang mengikuti retret adalah murid-murid SMA Katolik Lansing, Michigan. Mereka adalah 11 murid (7 puteri dan 4 putera) bersama kedua guru teologi/agama mereka. Kali ini Gayle, seorang volunter di rumah retret ini tidak di tempat karena dia mendadak harus pergi ke Missouri rumahnya, ayahnya sedang sakit berat. Maka retret ini hanya dipimpin oleh Suster Paula dan saya sendiri. Dalam sesi pertama saya memberikan permainan yang memiliki arti salib, yaitu permainan tali. Nampaknya mereka menikmati permainan ini. Dharmawan membantuku untuk menyiapkan dan memimpin lagu-lagu Taize untuk doa malam. Saya tetap tinggal di rumah retret ini hingga Minggu sore dan Dharmawan segera kembali ke rumah di Hyde Park setelah selesai doa malam sementara hujan salju terus turun dengan lebatnya malam itu.
Sabtu, 22 Januari 2004. “Kesepian, kerapuhan, dan kehilangan dapat menyebabkan kerinduan seksual dan menciptakan reaksi yang berlawanan, jika ditinggalkan tanpa pengolahan lebih lanjut, dapat menambah kebingungan dalam relasi dengan sesama di tempat kerasulan. Perassan seksual perlu dimiliki dan diproses dalam terapi, bimbingan rohani, dukungan kelompok, dan/atau kelompok-kelompok pelayanan” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Bangun pagi, saya lalu membersihkan banyak salju di depan rumah retret. Ada seorang volunter yang membantu masak pagi dan siang yaitu Peg O’Brien. Di pagi hari kami dipandu oleh seorang bruder dari tarekat Christian Brother yang adalah African American bernama Brother Raymond dalam tour melihat sisi sebelah Selatan Kota Chicago, sekitar Hyde Park dst. Setelah makan siang di rumah retret, kami mengunjungi sebuah pusat anak-anak muda di mana kami semua berbaur bersama anak-anak ini yang kebanyakan adalah African American bermain beberapa game seperti basket, vide game, bilyard, dsb. kami melanjutkan kunjungan kami ke sebuah tempat persinggahan kaum tuna wisma bernama Lakeview Shelter di sebelah Utara Chicago. Kami bercakap dan makan malam bersama para tuna wisma (semua laki-laki) yang kebanyakan adalah African American juga. Makan malam ini disiapkan oleh Suster Paula dan kedua guru mereka. Para murid peserta retret ini bercakap dan bermain games bersama penghuni rumah singgah ini. Malam hari setelah kembali ke rumah retret, Suster Paula memandu refleksi untuk hari ini. Hari ini adalah hari yang cukup melelahkan dengan banyaknya salju menghiasi jalanan setinggi 6-12 inci.
Minggu, 23 Januari 2004. “Cara paling efektif untuk mencegah kelakuan yang tidak pantas dalam pelayanan kerasulan adalah dengan memelihara relasi yang sehat dengan para kerabat (seperti anggota dalam tarekat religius), dengan sesama lainnya, dan dengan Allah, sebagaimana juga memberikan perhatian pada hubungan antara pikiran-tubuh-roh” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Pagi hari sekali lagi saya membersihkan salju di depan pintu rumah retret, sarapan pagi dan bersama-sama kami pergi ke misa di Gereja Santo Basil pukul 9. Sesudah misa kami pergi ke basement paroki ini makan snack dan berbincang dengan umat yang kebanyakan adalah African American. Kami melanjutkan kunjungan kami ke SU CASA yaitu sebuah rumah untuk Catholic Workers di mana terdapat sekitar 30 orang tinggal di sementara waktu dan kebanyakan adalah dari negara Latin Amerika. Seorang pemuda dari Jerman bernama Phil memandu kami mengenal rumah penampungan para imigran ini terutama para wanita dan anak-anak. Mereka juga memiliki sebuah dapur umum untuk para tuna wisma yang menyediakan makan siang setiap hari Minggu. Kami bergabung bersama mereka mempersiapkan makanan dan makan siang bersama para tuna wisma yang datang berjumlah sekitar hampir 100 orang. Di dapur umum ini juga saya bertemu seorang frater dari tarekat Maryknool yang baru saja memulai studi teologinya di CTU Chicago di Januari Term ini. Ia adalah Tim yang berasal dari Philadelphia dan mengenal Pastor Herondi, SX dari Brasil juga. Pukul 1.30 sore kami semua pulang kembali ke rumah retret dan para peserta retret ini mengerjakan beberapa hal seperti membantu membersihkan rumah retret ini dan menuliskan evaluasi mereka atas pengalaman retret ini. Dalam doa penutupan, dipandu oleh Suster Paula, kami mengurapi minyak di dahi para peserta retret ini sebagai tanda perutusan mereka “menyebarkan sabda bagi para papa, menyembuhkan yang sakit, membebaskan para tawanan dan memperbaharui muka bumi ini.” Retret kali ini sungguh suatu peristiwa yang sangat baik bagi saya pribadi setidaknya saya merasakan kenyamanan bersama para muda-mudi anak SMA tahun terakhir ini yang cukup menghormati dan bersahabat terhadap saya meskipun saya memiliki sikap tenang dan diam seperti ini. Saya pun merasakan bahwa mereka menerima saya apa adanya dan ini suatu pengalaman yang bagus mendengarkan anak muda Amrik ini bercanda, bercakap dengan bahasa gaul mereka di sepanjang perjalanan menuju ke tempat-tempat yang kami tuju. Saya mencoba mengingat nama-nama mereka selama retret sepekan ini yaitu: Nick, Adam, David, Phil, Angi, Kellyn, Emily, Danielle, Erin, Kristina dan Ashley. Serta kedua guru mereka: Mr. Doug dan Mrs. Marty. Pukul 4 mereka pergi meninggalkan rumah retret ini kembali ke kota mereka di Lansing, Michigan State, sekitar 4 jam perjalanan jauhnya di sebelah Utara Chicago. Suster Paula mengantar saya pulang ke rumah di Hyde Park pukul 5 sore.
“Sentuhan digunakan dalam pelayanan kerasulan hanya untuk keperluan seseorang yang dilayani oleh seorang religius, bukan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan seorang religius itu sendiri” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
“Kerendahan hati mengenal kebutuhan dasar kita akan sesama dan Allah. Kerendahan hati tidaklah berpikir terlalu banyak atau terlalu sedikit akan diri sendiri namun suatu penerimaan yang lebih nyata tentang siapa diri kita dengan segenap kelebihan dan keterbatasan kita” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Pemenuhan secara paradox (berlawanan) datang melalui askese/latihan, pengorbanan dan penyerahan diri yang sehat” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Spiritualitas bukanlah tentang mendapatkan sesuatu dengan benar setiap waktu namun terlebih tentang kesadaran bahwa kepedihan, perjuangan dan kesalahan adalah bagian mendasar dari kehidupan. Penghargaan penuh akan ketenangan batin dicapai hanya setelah seseorang mengalami masa-masa kelemahan, keterbatasan dan kekurangan” (Kevin P. McClone).
Monday, January 17, 2004. “Three qualities of marriage are unconditional love, coming to consensus and active forgiving” (Kathy Haskin).
Today is the USA national day off, celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. In the morning from 10 to 12 I met a Canon Law professor, a Norbertin Abbot from Milwaukee, Father Gary Naville at CTU in order to do suggestion of my academic advisor, Gil Ostdiek, OFM to have private tutoring about Sacrament of Penance. I thank to him that he gave me enough explanation of the sacrament of penance and probably I will review again his handout given to me. One thing that is interesting to me: he has a principle that before we learn how to give sacrament of penance to the faithful, it is much better if I am as a seminarian having a custom to receive the sacrament and believe on the meaning of it and to live it out in my spiritual journey actively and consciously in which someday as a priest I will minister of it to others. This is exactly, the principle that I have until now. How we become faithfully and believe to give this sacrament to the faithful if we as priests are not confident and faithful to practice it. He added that most of the seminarians he taught in 1990’s at CTU, they did not go to the sacrament of penance frequently after many years. What an irony?
Tuesday, January 18, 2004. “All of the spirituality life can be summed up in two words, ‘Stay Awake.’” (Bishop Morneau of Green Bay).
Today in the Mass we celebrated the intention of Christian Unity (Oikumene). From 18 to 25 January there is a week of prayer by the Churches in the world. At CTU I attended a class of sexuality in which we watched a videocassette of Diane Bergant explaining the Book Song of Songs. Even though it was just a videocassette, I could not fall asleep because she has a sort of inner power to transfer her knowledge beside her talent of teaching.
Wednesday, January 19, 2004. “Marriage is a unique sign of the incarnation, of the mystery that the transcendent reality of God became flesh in the person and life of Christ, just as men and women incarnate their transforming reality of divine grace in their total love for one another” (Karl Rahner).
After arriving home at noon, I watched some videocassettes about sexuality that we have in the TV room at the basement in order to give me more understanding of the class that I have this month.
Thursday, January 20, 2004. “Love is not simply a matter of immediate feelings. There may be times, even in deep love commitments, when tangible feelings are absent” (Philip Sheldrake).
Almost the whole day it’s snowing. I had a discussion group in the sexuality class at the 8th floor of CTU building. In the afternoon, at 3 to 5 p.m. we had a community meeting continuing to evaluate our community project of life in the spiritual dimension. At night I did write this weekly journal that I draw the quotations from my reading on the sexuality class that I read during this week. As I read the reading assignments, I was impressed by some sentences, therefore I wrote down on this journal.
Friday, January 21, 2004. ”The search for love also reveals the need for a balance between solitude and intimacy. The call to intimacy is also a call to learn that, however much two people love each other, they never own each other nor finally know each other” (Philip Sheldrake).
In morning I attended a sexuality class at CTU and in the afternoon Dharmawan took me to my ministry site, David Darst Center. There was a youth group from Lansing Catholic High School in Michigan having this weekend retreat. They are 11 senior students (7 girls and 4 boys) and two teachers. This time Gayle, was not there since she went to visit her father who is sick in Missouri. So, this retreat was run only by Sister Paula and myself. In the first session I gave a game that has a meaning of cross, a rope game. It seemed they enjoy it. Dharmawan helped me prepare and lead the Taize prayer for night prayer. I stayed at this retreat house and Dharmawan left soon after the night prayer finished while snow was falling heavily.
Saturday, January 22, 2005. “Loneliness, vulnerability, and loss can stir sexual longing and create countertransferential reactions that, if left unprocessed, can add confusion to ministerial relationship. Sexual feelings need to be owned and processed in therapy, spiritual direction, supervision, support groups, and/or ministry groups” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Woke up in the morning, I shoveled bunch of snow at the front side of the retreat house. There was a volunteer lady named Peg O’Brien cooking for our breakfast and lunch. In the morning till noon, we were guided by an African American Christian Brother, named Raymond to a tour seeing South side area of Chicago by their white van car. After having lunch, we went to Blessed Sacrament Youth Center in which we intermingled with the youth mostly African American, playing games such as basketball, video games, pool, etc. We continued our visit to Lakeview Shelter and together with some homeless men, we had supper that was prepared by Sister Paula and their two teachers. The students had conversation with them and played games and jokes. At night, Sister Paula led them a reflection. It’s a tiring day with a lot of snow adorned the street about 6-12 inches.
Sunday, January 23, 2005. “The most effective way to prevent misconduct in ministry is to nurture healthy relationships with colleagues (i.e., members within congregations), with others, and with God, as well as to pay heed to mind-body-spirit connections” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
In the morning once again I did clean snow in front of the door of the retreat house, had breakfast and together we had Mass at Saint Basil Catholic Church at 9. After the Mass, we went down to the basement having snack and hospitality with the parishioners who mostly are African American. We proceeded to visit ‘SU CASA’, a house of Catholic Workers in which there are about 30 people live there momentarily and mostly coming from Latin American countries. A German young man named Phil guided us to know this shelter mainly for women and children. They have also a soup kitchen serving lunch for the homeless people every Sunday. We joined them in serving food and eating lunch together. I met a Maryknoll student who just started his theology study at CTU this J-Term. He’s Tim originally from Philadelphia and knows Father Herondi, SX as well. At 1.30 p.m. we went back to David Darst retreat house and the students did some work to clean the retreat house and jotted down the evaluation for this weekend retreat. In the closing prayer led by Sister Paula, we anointed the students with oil as a sign of sending them “to spread the word for the poor, to heal the sick, to free the captives and to renew the face of the earth.” It’s a good retreat for me, at least I feel comfortable with the students who were friendly to me even though I have a silent character. I feel they accepted me and it’s good experience to listen their youth conversation along the way to go some sites. I tried to remember their names: Nick, Adam, David, Phil, Angi, Kellyn, Emily, Danielle, Erin, Kristina and Ashley. Their two teachers: Mr. Doug and Mrs. Marty. At 4 p.m. they departed to their hometown in Lansing, Michigan, about 4 hours away to North. Sister Paula took me home in Hyde Park at 5 p.m.
“Touch is to be used in ministry only to address the needs of the person the religious is assisting, not to meet the needs of the religious” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
“Humility is recognizing our fundamental need for others and God. Humility is not thinking too much or too little of oneself but a more realistic acceptance of who we are with all our strengths and limitations” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Fulfillment paradoxically comes through healthy asceticism, sacrifice, and surrender” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Spirituality is less about getting it right all the time and more about realizing that pain, struggle, and mistakes are an essential part of living. The full appreciation of inner serenity is achieved only after having to come to terms with one’s own weakness, limitations, and shortcomings” (Kevin P. McClone).
4) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-3, 23 Januari 2005
Senin, 17 Januari 2004. “Tiga kualitas perkawinan adalah cinta tanpa syarat, pencapaian konsensus/kesepakatan dan pengampunan yang aktif” (Kathy Haskin).
Hari ini adalah hari libur nasional USA, merayakan hari Martin Luther King Jr. Pagi hari dari jam 10 hingga 12 siang, saya bertemu dosen Hukum Kanonik, seorang abas tarekat Norbertin dari Milwaukee, Pastor Gary Naville di CTU untuk memenuhi usulan penasehat akademis saya, Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk mendapatkan kursus privat tentang Sakramen Rekonsiliasi menurut Hukum Gereja Katolik. Saya bersyukur kepada dosen ini yang sudah memberikan penjelasan yang cukup panjang lebar selama dua jam tentang sakramen tobat ini dan kemungkinan saya harus melihat kembali materi yang diberikannya padaku. Satu hal yang menarik adalah: dia berprinsip bahwa sebelum kita belajar memberikan sakramen tobat pada orang lain, sungguh lebih baik kalau saya sebagai seminaris memiliki keyakinan mendalam akan arti pentingnya sakramen ini dan menghidupinya/menjalankannya dalam perjalanan hidup rohani sebagai calon imam yang nantinya akan memberikan sakramen ini pada umat. Ini adalah prinsip yang saya yakini sejak dulu. Bagaimana kita dengan setia dan percaya memberikan sakramen tobat pada umat kalau kita sebagai imam tidak yakin dan menjalankannya dengan tekun. Ia menambahkan bahwa kebanyakan para seminaris/frater yang ia ajar di tahun 1990-an di CTU, mereka tidak pernah lagi pergi ke sakramen pengakuan dosa setelah sekian tahun lamanya. Betapa suatu ironi-kah?
Selasa, 18 Januari 2004. “Seluruh hidup kerohanian dapat diringkas dalam dua kata, ‘Tetap Berjaga/sadar.’” (Bishop Morneau of Green Bay).
Hari ini dalam misa kami merayakan intensi misa persatuan Umat Kristiani (Oikumene). Dari tanggal18 hingga 25 Januari ada pekan doa oleh gereja-gereja di seluruh dunia. Di CTU saya mengikuti kuliah seksualitas di mana kami menonton sebuah video yaitu seorang dosen Kitab Suci CTU bernama Diane Bergant menjelaskan Kitab Kidung Agung dari Perjanjian Lama. Kendati hanya menonton kaset video, namun saya tidak dapat tertidur karena memang dosen yang satu ini nampaknya memiliki semacam tenaga ‘dalam’ untuk menyampaikan pengetahuannya disamping bakatnya mengajar.
Rabu, 19 Januari 2004. “Perkawinan adalah suatu tanda unik dari inkarnasi, suatu misteri di mana realitas transenden Allah menjadi daging dalam diri dan kehidupan Kristus, seperti pria dan wanita menginkarnasi realitas yang tertransformasi oleh rahmat ilahi dalam cinta kasih yang utuh diantara mereka” (Karl Rahner).
Setelah tiba di rumah, saya menonton beberapa kaset video tentang seksualitas yang ada di ruang TV basement untuk menambah pemahaman pribadi tentang kelas seksualitas yang saya ambil di bulan Januari ini.
Kamis, 20 Januari 2004. “Cinta bukanlah semata perasaan belaka. Ada kalanya, dalam kasih penuh komitmen yang mendalam, perasaan-perasaan yang nyata ini tidak hadir” (Philip Sheldrake).
Hampir sepanjang hari ini hujan salju. Saya ke CTU mengikuti diskusi kelompok dalam kuliah seksualitas di lantai 8 gedung CTU. Di sore hari, dari jam 3 hingga 5 kami mengadakan rapat komunitas melanjutkan evaluasi program hidup bersama kami tentang dimensi kerohanian. Malam hari saya menulis jurnal mingguan ini di mana saya mengambil kutipan-kutipan dari bacaan kuliah seksualitas yang saya baca selama seminggu ini. Saat membaca tugas bacaan-bacaan ini, saya terkesan dengan beberapa kalimat, maka saya menuliskannya di jurnal ini.
Jumat, 21 Januari 2004. ”Pencarian cinta juga mewahyukan keperluan akan keseimbangan antara kesunyian dan intimasi. Panggilan untuk intimasi juga suatu panggilan untuk belajar, bahwa meskipun dua insan saling mencintai satu sama lain, mereka tak akan pernah saling memiliki, juga mereka akhirnya tidak akan mengenal satu sama lain” (Philip Sheldrake).
Pagi hari saya ikut kuliah seksualits di CTU dan sorenya Dharmawan mengantarku ke tempat kerasulanku di rumah retret, David Darst Center. Kali ini yang mengikuti retret adalah murid-murid SMA Katolik Lansing, Michigan. Mereka adalah 11 murid (7 puteri dan 4 putera) bersama kedua guru teologi/agama mereka. Kali ini Gayle, seorang volunter di rumah retret ini tidak di tempat karena dia mendadak harus pergi ke Missouri rumahnya, ayahnya sedang sakit berat. Maka retret ini hanya dipimpin oleh Suster Paula dan saya sendiri. Dalam sesi pertama saya memberikan permainan yang memiliki arti salib, yaitu permainan tali. Nampaknya mereka menikmati permainan ini. Dharmawan membantuku untuk menyiapkan dan memimpin lagu-lagu Taize untuk doa malam. Saya tetap tinggal di rumah retret ini hingga Minggu sore dan Dharmawan segera kembali ke rumah di Hyde Park setelah selesai doa malam sementara hujan salju terus turun dengan lebatnya malam itu.
Sabtu, 22 Januari 2004. “Kesepian, kerapuhan, dan kehilangan dapat menyebabkan kerinduan seksual dan menciptakan reaksi yang berlawanan, jika ditinggalkan tanpa pengolahan lebih lanjut, dapat menambah kebingungan dalam relasi dengan sesama di tempat kerasulan. Perassan seksual perlu dimiliki dan diproses dalam terapi, bimbingan rohani, dukungan kelompok, dan/atau kelompok-kelompok pelayanan” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Bangun pagi, saya lalu membersihkan banyak salju di depan rumah retret. Ada seorang volunter yang membantu masak pagi dan siang yaitu Peg O’Brien. Di pagi hari kami dipandu oleh seorang bruder dari tarekat Christian Brother yang adalah African American bernama Brother Raymond dalam tour melihat sisi sebelah Selatan Kota Chicago, sekitar Hyde Park dst. Setelah makan siang di rumah retret, kami mengunjungi sebuah pusat anak-anak muda di mana kami semua berbaur bersama anak-anak ini yang kebanyakan adalah African American bermain beberapa game seperti basket, vide game, bilyard, dsb. kami melanjutkan kunjungan kami ke sebuah tempat persinggahan kaum tuna wisma bernama Lakeview Shelter di sebelah Utara Chicago. Kami bercakap dan makan malam bersama para tuna wisma (semua laki-laki) yang kebanyakan adalah African American juga. Makan malam ini disiapkan oleh Suster Paula dan kedua guru mereka. Para murid peserta retret ini bercakap dan bermain games bersama penghuni rumah singgah ini. Malam hari setelah kembali ke rumah retret, Suster Paula memandu refleksi untuk hari ini. Hari ini adalah hari yang cukup melelahkan dengan banyaknya salju menghiasi jalanan setinggi 6-12 inci.
Minggu, 23 Januari 2004. “Cara paling efektif untuk mencegah kelakuan yang tidak pantas dalam pelayanan kerasulan adalah dengan memelihara relasi yang sehat dengan para kerabat (seperti anggota dalam tarekat religius), dengan sesama lainnya, dan dengan Allah, sebagaimana juga memberikan perhatian pada hubungan antara pikiran-tubuh-roh” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Pagi hari sekali lagi saya membersihkan salju di depan pintu rumah retret, sarapan pagi dan bersama-sama kami pergi ke misa di Gereja Santo Basil pukul 9. Sesudah misa kami pergi ke basement paroki ini makan snack dan berbincang dengan umat yang kebanyakan adalah African American. Kami melanjutkan kunjungan kami ke SU CASA yaitu sebuah rumah untuk Catholic Workers di mana terdapat sekitar 30 orang tinggal di sementara waktu dan kebanyakan adalah dari negara Latin Amerika. Seorang pemuda dari Jerman bernama Phil memandu kami mengenal rumah penampungan para imigran ini terutama para wanita dan anak-anak. Mereka juga memiliki sebuah dapur umum untuk para tuna wisma yang menyediakan makan siang setiap hari Minggu. Kami bergabung bersama mereka mempersiapkan makanan dan makan siang bersama para tuna wisma yang datang berjumlah sekitar hampir 100 orang. Di dapur umum ini juga saya bertemu seorang frater dari tarekat Maryknool yang baru saja memulai studi teologinya di CTU Chicago di Januari Term ini. Ia adalah Tim yang berasal dari Philadelphia dan mengenal Pastor Herondi, SX dari Brasil juga. Pukul 1.30 sore kami semua pulang kembali ke rumah retret dan para peserta retret ini mengerjakan beberapa hal seperti membantu membersihkan rumah retret ini dan menuliskan evaluasi mereka atas pengalaman retret ini. Dalam doa penutupan, dipandu oleh Suster Paula, kami mengurapi minyak di dahi para peserta retret ini sebagai tanda perutusan mereka “menyebarkan sabda bagi para papa, menyembuhkan yang sakit, membebaskan para tawanan dan memperbaharui muka bumi ini.” Retret kali ini sungguh suatu peristiwa yang sangat baik bagi saya pribadi setidaknya saya merasakan kenyamanan bersama para muda-mudi anak SMA tahun terakhir ini yang cukup menghormati dan bersahabat terhadap saya meskipun saya memiliki sikap tenang dan diam seperti ini. Saya pun merasakan bahwa mereka menerima saya apa adanya dan ini suatu pengalaman yang bagus mendengarkan anak muda Amrik ini bercanda, bercakap dengan bahasa gaul mereka di sepanjang perjalanan menuju ke tempat-tempat yang kami tuju. Saya mencoba mengingat nama-nama mereka selama retret sepekan ini yaitu: Nick, Adam, David, Phil, Angi, Kellyn, Emily, Danielle, Erin, Kristina dan Ashley. Serta kedua guru mereka: Mr. Doug dan Mrs. Marty. Pukul 4 mereka pergi meninggalkan rumah retret ini kembali ke kota mereka di Lansing, Michigan State, sekitar 4 jam perjalanan jauhnya di sebelah Utara Chicago. Suster Paula mengantar saya pulang ke rumah di Hyde Park pukul 5 sore.
“Sentuhan digunakan dalam pelayanan kerasulan hanya untuk keperluan seseorang yang dilayani oleh seorang religius, bukan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan seorang religius itu sendiri” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
“Kerendahan hati mengenal kebutuhan dasar kita akan sesama dan Allah. Kerendahan hati tidaklah berpikir terlalu banyak atau terlalu sedikit akan diri sendiri namun suatu penerimaan yang lebih nyata tentang siapa diri kita dengan segenap kelebihan dan keterbatasan kita” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Pemenuhan secara paradox (berlawanan) datang melalui askese/latihan, pengorbanan dan penyerahan diri yang sehat” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Spiritualitas bukanlah tentang mendapatkan sesuatu dengan benar setiap waktu namun terlebih tentang kesadaran bahwa kepedihan, perjuangan dan kesalahan adalah bagian mendasar dari kehidupan. Penghargaan penuh akan ketenangan batin dicapai hanya setelah seseorang mengalami masa-masa kelemahan, keterbatasan dan kekurangan” (Kevin P. McClone).
2nd Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 16, 2005
3) 2nd Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 16, 2005
Monday, January 10, 2004. “In humility is perfect freedom” (Thomas Merton).
This morning, 8.30 to 11.15 I had a class at CTU for J-Term (three weeks), Healthy Human Sexual Development for Ministry. The faculty who teach this class there are 6 professors such as Dawn Notwehr, OSF, Thomas Nairn, OFM and there are 13 students. From the Xaverians there are 4 students: Jacques, Alejandro, Dharmawan and I. In the afternoon, Dharmawan took me to my ministry site, David Darst Center. I had a meeting to plan a weekend retreat with my supervisor, Sister Paula and Gayle. Afterward, we went to LSTC bookstore to buy a book of sexuality class.
As I called up my oldest sister in Indonesia, she told me that my uncle (the older brother of my mother) passed away on January 6th in the age 69 year-old. I had a chance to envoy my condolence with calling up my cousin, Yudi (the 3rd son of my uncle) in Madiun-Indonesia.
Tuesday, January 11, 2004. “The remedy for unpredictability, for the chaotic uncertainty of the future, is contained in the faculty to make and keep promise.” (Hannah Arendt).
In the morning I had the sexuality class at CTU then cooked hot dog for my community. In the afternoon I called up the supervisor of CPE program, James Gullickson and I will have interview of this summer program on Tuesday, January 25th at 3 p.m. at Alexian Brothers hospital, Elk Village Grove, Illinois.
I wrote a reflection on the cultural perspective on my sexuality class:
How has my culture shaped my experiences and understanding of sexuality?
I was born and raised in East Java, Indonesia by a Chinese descent family who have already lived and adapted in local Javanese culture from a number of generations. In my family, my parents never talked about sex and sexuality to me because probably they considered that this issue is only for adult people and we will come to know about it when we are becoming adult. It is influenced so much of our local culture that talking about sex especially to the children is a taboo and shameful thing. It is only appropriately talked by adult persons and between a married-couple. Even my parents as I remember, never gave me advice about relationship to other gender as I grew up in high school. I came to know about sex and sexuality from my own searching, my self-discovery from newspaper, books and magazines. In the age of puberty, I was sometimes still confused and questioning about my own mysterious libido that I found out the answer from the wide-opened information in mass media. I felt ashamed also when somebody talking about this issue and I never raised the questions to competent persons.
In my own family, the greeting between our family members never expressed by touching each other, even I never embracing or shaking hand to my father, grandmother and siblings after so long time we did not meet each other. I never reflected deeply about this case but I ever read one article that some general culture among the Chinese descendants in Indonesia having such a custom. This influenced my way to relate others in school and society. Normally, I keep very strict boundaries to other gender in the relationship. The normal way to greet others in my own culture is shaking hand but never embracing each other. Since I live in the USA I have to adjust the custom and culture of embracing and hugging each other in friendship. When I saw this Western culture when I was in Indonesia, I still wondered how I could adjust this custom. But, luckily I got accustom without feeling guilty or other strange feelings. Since in the kindergarten and primary school, gathering with other gender friends is a shameful way. It creates a custom that I had to make friendship to my own gender, boys. Most of my close friends were boys and apparently I never had female friends in my house despite my own shyness attitude. At primary school normally we sit with the same gender friend and very seldom we sit with other gender friend. Once I sit with a female friend, I felt very uncomfortable and too cautious keeping boundaries especially in secondary high school.
Even though it seems that sexuality is taboo but in the society especially in mass media such as movie, film and advertisement, we can see daily performance that tends to sex and vulgar relationship between man and woman. It makes many children more curious to know about sex and sexuality without taken care by the parents and adult persons. The information that I got was ranging from positive to negative teachings and sometimes ambiguous and I did not know which one the right according to the norm of my Catholic religion. One major thing that probably makes me think and reflect is self-pleasure such as masturbation. It is struck me when I found that there are some different approaches and arguments regard to this issue in the traditional Catholic teaching and other modern thinkers. Some consider it as mortal sin and others as venial sin. Some myths about this disorder sexual custom in Indonesia influenced also my understanding about sexuality. I hope from this course I come to know how to deal with this issue in a better understanding as I prepare myself becoming a minister in the Catholic Church.
Wednesday, January 12, 2004. “We must not give only what we have; we must give what we are”(Cardinal Mercia).
I attended a class of sexuality in the morning. In the supper, there were Father Alfredo and Adolph from Milwaukee who just had a meeting with other formators. In my reflection on the commitment of sexuality class, I came up with this idea:
“Exploring Commitments and My Capacity for Making and Keeping Them”
I chose ‘FRIENDSHIP’ because this word recalls my experience dealing with so many people in my long-life process as of now. Starting with my friends of close neighbors in some areas that I had been living in, schools, working places, my formation time in the Xaverian Missionaries, and all people whom I met during my ministry as a religious, teacher and a friend of them. There is one special female friend who gave me a lot of meaning enduring what I have been choosing as a religious. Her care of me drew me to a certain feeling that I never had before, namely, feeling of falling in love to a girl. It put me on a threshold of my journey toward a missionary-religious-priesthood and at the same time transformed and awakened me who I am as a normal human being. Eventually, I could say full of gratitude of this experience. I always remember of my philosophy professor who said, “To love and to be loved as a human person is giving an ultimate meaning in one’s life.” To love is not to be attached to someone, so gradually my attached feeling to her becoming a test to me to be an unconditioned lover, to be a lover to many God’s people especially those who do not love me. It is much easier to love those who love us and it is very difficult and almost impossible to love those who are not happy with our presence.” Another lesson of my professor is when I fall in love, as soon as possible I should stand up, awake and be aware of then to build this love in positive way. From my spiritual director I learn that to love is a commitment, not a feeling merely. This unforgettable memory strengthens my commitment to embrace my religious life even though in the beginning it cost me a lot of tension and confusion in my own personality and freedom. To be honest to myself and to others especially my formator, I told this love story both to my formators and my confreres in order to let them know who I was at that time and to ask help to endure this long-life vocation. My strength is that I could accept this moving experience as a positive lesson and to share plainly to others. In addition, to treat her and other friends as God’s people in their dignity and still keep them in my prayer that God allowed them to come into my life story.
It suggests me to be more aware that I am a man who needs care, love, attention and acceptance of others especially other gender. It makes me realized that I am a normal man who devotes myself to God’s service in a celibate way with all consequences such as loneliness, lack of love and attention of others, depression and isolated life. In my fragility as a human being, I just surrender to God’s compassion to keep me being faithful in my daily journey. When I fall down into temptation, I believe it signs me that I am a fragile human, not myself who can endure this kind of life but merely God’s love and compassion and also great grace. Without God, I am nothing. My commitments to my religious life in order to ministering God’s people are full of struggle in my whole life that require a lot of patience, wisdom and daily denying of myself. In my weaknesses I commit myself to God. “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).
Some clues that I can enhance my ability to be with others in a committed relationship in ministry are to be honest to myself and to respect others in their dignity as human beings and do my best to love them in mutual and unconditional way. Full of compassion and forgiveness to others will cure some conflicts that may occur in the relationship. To be aware of the ministry boundaries is a wise way to relate to others in the ministry and at the same time not to be afraid in dealing with them in cooperative way as teamwork. To be authentic as I am in front of the others will help others and myself as well to know each other better.
Thursday, January 13, 2004. “Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either”(Golda Meir).
In the afternoon from 3 to 4.30, we had a community meeting with an agenda of evaluation of our community project of life in the spiritual dimension. As I read my reading of the sexuality class, I found an interesting one: “Sexuality is as much about having friends as it is about having lovers. It is painful to sleep alone but it is perhaps even more painful to sleep alone when you are not sleeping alone. Thus, while genitality should never be denigrated and seen as something that is not spiritual or important, it should not be asked, all by itself, to be responsible for community, friendship, family and delight within our lives” (Ronald Rolheiser).
Friday, January 14, 2004. “Those that lose wealth, lose much; those that lose friends, lose more; but those that lose spirit, lose all” (Spanish proverb).
In the morning I still had a sexuality class in which the second session we had a sharing time in a small group.
Saturday, January 15, 2005. “Every action of ours must be accompanied by a reflection to orient it, to order it, to make it coherent, so that it does not lapse into a sterile and superficial activism” (Gustavo Gutierrez).In the afternoon, before and after the Mass at 5.30 at Saint Thomas the Apostle Church at Hyde Park with the initiative of Erna, an Indonesian lady who studies for doctoral degree at the University of Chicago and the cooperation of some Indonesians (Father Edi, osc and Father Rudi, osc, Sony, svd, Francis, svd, and 4 Xaverian students: Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan and I), we raised fund for the Indonesian Relief Tsunami. At night we continued our gathering at Erna’s house.
Sunday, January 16, 2005.
“Christ has no body now but yours;no hands, no feet on earth, but yours.Yours are the eyesthrough which he looks with compassion on this world;Yours are the feetwith which he walks to do good;Yours are the handswith which he blesses all the world.Christ has no body now on earth but yours” (Saint Teresa of Avila).
We continued to raise donation for the Indonesian Tsunami Relief Fund at Saint Thomas Church in which we were present in front of the main door of the church every Masses at 8 a.m., 10 a.m., 12.15 a.m. and 5.30 p.m. At the end of this appeal we counted the fund from many generous parishioners of Saint Thomas Church almost as much as $ 5,000. Thank be to God and to all of them and we will supply all of this fund to Indonesian Catholic Group in Chicago in order to be sent directly to some areas such as Nias Islands in Indonesia which endure the Tsunami devastation.
3) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-2, 16 Januari 2005
Senin, 10 Januari 2004. “Dalam kerendahan hati terdapat kemerdekaan yang sempurna” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi ini dari jam 8.30 hingga 11.15 saya mengikuti kuliah di CTU untuk masa kuliah J-Term (January term selama tiga minggu), yaitu matakuliah Pengembangan Seksualitas Manusia yang sehat untuk Pelayanan. Staf pengajar untuk kuliah ini ada 6 dosen diantaranya adalah Dawn Notwehr, OSF, dan Thomas Nairn, OFM yang diikuti oleh 13 mahasiswa. Kami dari Xaverian ada 4 frater: Jacques, Alejandro, Dharmawan dan saya sendiri. Sore hari, Dharmawan mengantar saya ke tempat kerasulan saya di David Darst Center. Saya mengikuti pertemuan bersama dengan suprvisor kerasulan saya yaitu Suster Paula, OSF dan Gayle. Setelah itu, kami pergi ke toko buku LSTC untuk membeli buku untuk mata kuliah seksualitas.
Ketika saya menelpon kakak sulung saya di Indonesia, ia bercerita padaku bahwa paman saya (kakak dari ibu saya) telah meninggal dunia tanggal 6 Januari lalu dalam usianya yang ke-69 tahun. Saya sempat menelpon saudara sepupu saya, Yudi (anak ketiga dari paman saya) di Madiun-Indonesia menyampaikan belasungkawa saya.
Selasa, 11 Januari 2004. “Obat untuk hal yang tidak dapat diperkirakan sebelumnya, untuk ketidakpastian yang kacau untuk masa mendatang, terkandung dalam kemampuan dan menjaga janji.” (Hannah Arendt).
Pagi hari saya mengikuti seksualitas kelas di CTU lalu sore hari masak hot dog untuk komunitas saya di sini. Sore hari saya menelpon supervisor program Klinik Pastoral (CPE), James Gullickson dan saya akan menemui dia untuk interview buat program CPE musim panas 2005, hari Selasa, 25 Januari pukul 3 sore di rumah sakit Alxian Brothers di Elk Village Grove, Illinois.
Saya menulis sebuah refleksi atas perspektif budaya untuk kuliah seksualitas dengan pertanyaan: Bagaimana budayaku membentuk pengalaman-pengalamanku dan pemahamanku akan seksualitas? (Silahkan baca renungan ini di atas….di edisi “English”).
Rabu, 12 Januari 2004. “Kita seharusnya tidak hanya memberikan apa yang kita punya; kita harus memberikan apa adanya kita” (Cardinal Mercia).
Saya mengikuti kuliah seksualitas pagi hari. Dalam makan malam bersama di komunitas, ada dua pastor SX dari Milwaukee yang baru saja mengadakan rapat para formator di sini, yaitu Alfredo dan Adolph. Dalam refleksi saya atas komitmen dalam kuliah seksualitas, saya menuliskan permenungan saya berikut ini (silahkan baca di atas yah…..di edisi “English”- nya).
Kamis, 13 Januari 2004. “Mereka yang tidak mengetahui bagaimana menangis dengan segenap hati, mereka tidak tahu bagaimana tertawa dengan segenap hati pula”(Golda Meir).
Di sore hari pukul 3 hingga 4.30, kami mengadakan rapat komunitas dengan sebuah agenda tentang evaluasi proyek hidup bersama dalam dimensi rohani. Saat membaca bacaan tentang seksualitas, saya menemukan suatu kutipan yang cukup menarik, berikut ini: “Seksualitas adalah tentang sebanyak memiliki teman sebagaimana memiliki kekasih. Adalah menyakitkan tidur sendirian namun kemungkinan jauh lebih menyakitkan lagi tidur sendirian ketika kamu tidak tidur sendirian. Maka, sementara hal kemaluan selayaknya tidak diingkari dan dilihat sebagai sesuatu yang bukan rohaniah atau tidak penting, seharusnya tidak dipertanyakan, seluruhnya oleh dirinya sendiri, menjadi bertanggung jawab bagi komunitas, persahabatan, keluarga dan kegembiraan dalam hidup kita” (Ronald Rolheiser).
Jumat, 14 Januari 2004. “Mereka yang kehilangan kesejahteraan, kehilangan banyak; mereka yang kehilangan teman, kehilangan lebih banyak; namun mereka yang kehilangan roh, kehilangan segala-galanya” (peribahasa Spanyol).
Pagi hari saya masih menghadiri kuliah seksualitas di mana dalam bagian kedua kami mengadakan sharing dalam kelompok kecil.
Sabtu, 15 Januari 2004. “Setiap tindakan kita haruslah disertai oleh refleksi untuk mengarahkan diri, untuk memerintahkannya, untuk membuatnya masuk akal, sehingga tidak berubah dalam sesuatu yang hampa dan kegiatan yang dangkal belaka” (Gustavo Gutierrez).
Sore hari sebelum dan sesudah misa pukul 5.30 di Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul di Hyde Park dengan inisiatif Mbak Erna dengan kerjasama kami para mahasiswa Indonesia (Romo Edi, osc, Romo Rudi, osc, dua frater diakon svd: Sony dan Francis serta empat frater Xaverian: Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan dan saya) kami berusaha mengusahakan dana bantuan untuk korban bencana Tsunami di Indonesia. Malam harinya kami berkumpul di rumah Mbak Erna.
Minggu, 16 Januari 2004.
“Kristus tidak memiliki tubuh lagi sekarang tapi tubuhmu;tidak memiliki tangan, tidak memiliki kaki di bumi ini, tapi tangan dan kakimu. Tubuhmu adalah mata di mana ia melihat dengan penuh belas kasih di dunia ini; Engkau adalah kaki di mana ia berjalan melakukan hal-hal baik; Engkau adalah tangan di mana ia memberkati dunia ini. Kristus tidak memiliki tubuh lagi sekarang di dunia ini namun dirimulah”
(Santa Teresa dari Avila). Kami melanjutkan pencarian dana untuk korban Tsunami di Indonesia di Gereja Santo Thomas di mana kami hadir di depan pintu utama gereja ini dalam setiap misa jam 8, 10, 12.15 dan sore jam 5.30. Pada akhir acara penggalangan dana ini kami menghitung seluruh dana dari segenap kebaikan hati umat paroki Santo Thomas sebesar hampir 5.000 US dollar. Kami bersyukur kepada Allah dan seluruh umat paroki ini lalu kami akan segera menyalurkan seluruh dana ini ke PWKI (Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago) untuk langsung dikirimkan ke beberapa daerah di Pulau Nias di Indonesia yang mengalami bencana alam Tsunami ini.
Monday, January 10, 2004. “In humility is perfect freedom” (Thomas Merton).
This morning, 8.30 to 11.15 I had a class at CTU for J-Term (three weeks), Healthy Human Sexual Development for Ministry. The faculty who teach this class there are 6 professors such as Dawn Notwehr, OSF, Thomas Nairn, OFM and there are 13 students. From the Xaverians there are 4 students: Jacques, Alejandro, Dharmawan and I. In the afternoon, Dharmawan took me to my ministry site, David Darst Center. I had a meeting to plan a weekend retreat with my supervisor, Sister Paula and Gayle. Afterward, we went to LSTC bookstore to buy a book of sexuality class.
As I called up my oldest sister in Indonesia, she told me that my uncle (the older brother of my mother) passed away on January 6th in the age 69 year-old. I had a chance to envoy my condolence with calling up my cousin, Yudi (the 3rd son of my uncle) in Madiun-Indonesia.
Tuesday, January 11, 2004. “The remedy for unpredictability, for the chaotic uncertainty of the future, is contained in the faculty to make and keep promise.” (Hannah Arendt).
In the morning I had the sexuality class at CTU then cooked hot dog for my community. In the afternoon I called up the supervisor of CPE program, James Gullickson and I will have interview of this summer program on Tuesday, January 25th at 3 p.m. at Alexian Brothers hospital, Elk Village Grove, Illinois.
I wrote a reflection on the cultural perspective on my sexuality class:
How has my culture shaped my experiences and understanding of sexuality?
I was born and raised in East Java, Indonesia by a Chinese descent family who have already lived and adapted in local Javanese culture from a number of generations. In my family, my parents never talked about sex and sexuality to me because probably they considered that this issue is only for adult people and we will come to know about it when we are becoming adult. It is influenced so much of our local culture that talking about sex especially to the children is a taboo and shameful thing. It is only appropriately talked by adult persons and between a married-couple. Even my parents as I remember, never gave me advice about relationship to other gender as I grew up in high school. I came to know about sex and sexuality from my own searching, my self-discovery from newspaper, books and magazines. In the age of puberty, I was sometimes still confused and questioning about my own mysterious libido that I found out the answer from the wide-opened information in mass media. I felt ashamed also when somebody talking about this issue and I never raised the questions to competent persons.
In my own family, the greeting between our family members never expressed by touching each other, even I never embracing or shaking hand to my father, grandmother and siblings after so long time we did not meet each other. I never reflected deeply about this case but I ever read one article that some general culture among the Chinese descendants in Indonesia having such a custom. This influenced my way to relate others in school and society. Normally, I keep very strict boundaries to other gender in the relationship. The normal way to greet others in my own culture is shaking hand but never embracing each other. Since I live in the USA I have to adjust the custom and culture of embracing and hugging each other in friendship. When I saw this Western culture when I was in Indonesia, I still wondered how I could adjust this custom. But, luckily I got accustom without feeling guilty or other strange feelings. Since in the kindergarten and primary school, gathering with other gender friends is a shameful way. It creates a custom that I had to make friendship to my own gender, boys. Most of my close friends were boys and apparently I never had female friends in my house despite my own shyness attitude. At primary school normally we sit with the same gender friend and very seldom we sit with other gender friend. Once I sit with a female friend, I felt very uncomfortable and too cautious keeping boundaries especially in secondary high school.
Even though it seems that sexuality is taboo but in the society especially in mass media such as movie, film and advertisement, we can see daily performance that tends to sex and vulgar relationship between man and woman. It makes many children more curious to know about sex and sexuality without taken care by the parents and adult persons. The information that I got was ranging from positive to negative teachings and sometimes ambiguous and I did not know which one the right according to the norm of my Catholic religion. One major thing that probably makes me think and reflect is self-pleasure such as masturbation. It is struck me when I found that there are some different approaches and arguments regard to this issue in the traditional Catholic teaching and other modern thinkers. Some consider it as mortal sin and others as venial sin. Some myths about this disorder sexual custom in Indonesia influenced also my understanding about sexuality. I hope from this course I come to know how to deal with this issue in a better understanding as I prepare myself becoming a minister in the Catholic Church.
Wednesday, January 12, 2004. “We must not give only what we have; we must give what we are”(Cardinal Mercia).
I attended a class of sexuality in the morning. In the supper, there were Father Alfredo and Adolph from Milwaukee who just had a meeting with other formators. In my reflection on the commitment of sexuality class, I came up with this idea:
“Exploring Commitments and My Capacity for Making and Keeping Them”
I chose ‘FRIENDSHIP’ because this word recalls my experience dealing with so many people in my long-life process as of now. Starting with my friends of close neighbors in some areas that I had been living in, schools, working places, my formation time in the Xaverian Missionaries, and all people whom I met during my ministry as a religious, teacher and a friend of them. There is one special female friend who gave me a lot of meaning enduring what I have been choosing as a religious. Her care of me drew me to a certain feeling that I never had before, namely, feeling of falling in love to a girl. It put me on a threshold of my journey toward a missionary-religious-priesthood and at the same time transformed and awakened me who I am as a normal human being. Eventually, I could say full of gratitude of this experience. I always remember of my philosophy professor who said, “To love and to be loved as a human person is giving an ultimate meaning in one’s life.” To love is not to be attached to someone, so gradually my attached feeling to her becoming a test to me to be an unconditioned lover, to be a lover to many God’s people especially those who do not love me. It is much easier to love those who love us and it is very difficult and almost impossible to love those who are not happy with our presence.” Another lesson of my professor is when I fall in love, as soon as possible I should stand up, awake and be aware of then to build this love in positive way. From my spiritual director I learn that to love is a commitment, not a feeling merely. This unforgettable memory strengthens my commitment to embrace my religious life even though in the beginning it cost me a lot of tension and confusion in my own personality and freedom. To be honest to myself and to others especially my formator, I told this love story both to my formators and my confreres in order to let them know who I was at that time and to ask help to endure this long-life vocation. My strength is that I could accept this moving experience as a positive lesson and to share plainly to others. In addition, to treat her and other friends as God’s people in their dignity and still keep them in my prayer that God allowed them to come into my life story.
It suggests me to be more aware that I am a man who needs care, love, attention and acceptance of others especially other gender. It makes me realized that I am a normal man who devotes myself to God’s service in a celibate way with all consequences such as loneliness, lack of love and attention of others, depression and isolated life. In my fragility as a human being, I just surrender to God’s compassion to keep me being faithful in my daily journey. When I fall down into temptation, I believe it signs me that I am a fragile human, not myself who can endure this kind of life but merely God’s love and compassion and also great grace. Without God, I am nothing. My commitments to my religious life in order to ministering God’s people are full of struggle in my whole life that require a lot of patience, wisdom and daily denying of myself. In my weaknesses I commit myself to God. “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).
Some clues that I can enhance my ability to be with others in a committed relationship in ministry are to be honest to myself and to respect others in their dignity as human beings and do my best to love them in mutual and unconditional way. Full of compassion and forgiveness to others will cure some conflicts that may occur in the relationship. To be aware of the ministry boundaries is a wise way to relate to others in the ministry and at the same time not to be afraid in dealing with them in cooperative way as teamwork. To be authentic as I am in front of the others will help others and myself as well to know each other better.
Thursday, January 13, 2004. “Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either”(Golda Meir).
In the afternoon from 3 to 4.30, we had a community meeting with an agenda of evaluation of our community project of life in the spiritual dimension. As I read my reading of the sexuality class, I found an interesting one: “Sexuality is as much about having friends as it is about having lovers. It is painful to sleep alone but it is perhaps even more painful to sleep alone when you are not sleeping alone. Thus, while genitality should never be denigrated and seen as something that is not spiritual or important, it should not be asked, all by itself, to be responsible for community, friendship, family and delight within our lives” (Ronald Rolheiser).
Friday, January 14, 2004. “Those that lose wealth, lose much; those that lose friends, lose more; but those that lose spirit, lose all” (Spanish proverb).
In the morning I still had a sexuality class in which the second session we had a sharing time in a small group.
Saturday, January 15, 2005. “Every action of ours must be accompanied by a reflection to orient it, to order it, to make it coherent, so that it does not lapse into a sterile and superficial activism” (Gustavo Gutierrez).In the afternoon, before and after the Mass at 5.30 at Saint Thomas the Apostle Church at Hyde Park with the initiative of Erna, an Indonesian lady who studies for doctoral degree at the University of Chicago and the cooperation of some Indonesians (Father Edi, osc and Father Rudi, osc, Sony, svd, Francis, svd, and 4 Xaverian students: Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan and I), we raised fund for the Indonesian Relief Tsunami. At night we continued our gathering at Erna’s house.
Sunday, January 16, 2005.
“Christ has no body now but yours;no hands, no feet on earth, but yours.Yours are the eyesthrough which he looks with compassion on this world;Yours are the feetwith which he walks to do good;Yours are the handswith which he blesses all the world.Christ has no body now on earth but yours” (Saint Teresa of Avila).
We continued to raise donation for the Indonesian Tsunami Relief Fund at Saint Thomas Church in which we were present in front of the main door of the church every Masses at 8 a.m., 10 a.m., 12.15 a.m. and 5.30 p.m. At the end of this appeal we counted the fund from many generous parishioners of Saint Thomas Church almost as much as $ 5,000. Thank be to God and to all of them and we will supply all of this fund to Indonesian Catholic Group in Chicago in order to be sent directly to some areas such as Nias Islands in Indonesia which endure the Tsunami devastation.
3) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-2, 16 Januari 2005
Senin, 10 Januari 2004. “Dalam kerendahan hati terdapat kemerdekaan yang sempurna” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi ini dari jam 8.30 hingga 11.15 saya mengikuti kuliah di CTU untuk masa kuliah J-Term (January term selama tiga minggu), yaitu matakuliah Pengembangan Seksualitas Manusia yang sehat untuk Pelayanan. Staf pengajar untuk kuliah ini ada 6 dosen diantaranya adalah Dawn Notwehr, OSF, dan Thomas Nairn, OFM yang diikuti oleh 13 mahasiswa. Kami dari Xaverian ada 4 frater: Jacques, Alejandro, Dharmawan dan saya sendiri. Sore hari, Dharmawan mengantar saya ke tempat kerasulan saya di David Darst Center. Saya mengikuti pertemuan bersama dengan suprvisor kerasulan saya yaitu Suster Paula, OSF dan Gayle. Setelah itu, kami pergi ke toko buku LSTC untuk membeli buku untuk mata kuliah seksualitas.
Ketika saya menelpon kakak sulung saya di Indonesia, ia bercerita padaku bahwa paman saya (kakak dari ibu saya) telah meninggal dunia tanggal 6 Januari lalu dalam usianya yang ke-69 tahun. Saya sempat menelpon saudara sepupu saya, Yudi (anak ketiga dari paman saya) di Madiun-Indonesia menyampaikan belasungkawa saya.
Selasa, 11 Januari 2004. “Obat untuk hal yang tidak dapat diperkirakan sebelumnya, untuk ketidakpastian yang kacau untuk masa mendatang, terkandung dalam kemampuan dan menjaga janji.” (Hannah Arendt).
Pagi hari saya mengikuti seksualitas kelas di CTU lalu sore hari masak hot dog untuk komunitas saya di sini. Sore hari saya menelpon supervisor program Klinik Pastoral (CPE), James Gullickson dan saya akan menemui dia untuk interview buat program CPE musim panas 2005, hari Selasa, 25 Januari pukul 3 sore di rumah sakit Alxian Brothers di Elk Village Grove, Illinois.
Saya menulis sebuah refleksi atas perspektif budaya untuk kuliah seksualitas dengan pertanyaan: Bagaimana budayaku membentuk pengalaman-pengalamanku dan pemahamanku akan seksualitas? (Silahkan baca renungan ini di atas….di edisi “English”).
Rabu, 12 Januari 2004. “Kita seharusnya tidak hanya memberikan apa yang kita punya; kita harus memberikan apa adanya kita” (Cardinal Mercia).
Saya mengikuti kuliah seksualitas pagi hari. Dalam makan malam bersama di komunitas, ada dua pastor SX dari Milwaukee yang baru saja mengadakan rapat para formator di sini, yaitu Alfredo dan Adolph. Dalam refleksi saya atas komitmen dalam kuliah seksualitas, saya menuliskan permenungan saya berikut ini (silahkan baca di atas yah…..di edisi “English”- nya).
Kamis, 13 Januari 2004. “Mereka yang tidak mengetahui bagaimana menangis dengan segenap hati, mereka tidak tahu bagaimana tertawa dengan segenap hati pula”(Golda Meir).
Di sore hari pukul 3 hingga 4.30, kami mengadakan rapat komunitas dengan sebuah agenda tentang evaluasi proyek hidup bersama dalam dimensi rohani. Saat membaca bacaan tentang seksualitas, saya menemukan suatu kutipan yang cukup menarik, berikut ini: “Seksualitas adalah tentang sebanyak memiliki teman sebagaimana memiliki kekasih. Adalah menyakitkan tidur sendirian namun kemungkinan jauh lebih menyakitkan lagi tidur sendirian ketika kamu tidak tidur sendirian. Maka, sementara hal kemaluan selayaknya tidak diingkari dan dilihat sebagai sesuatu yang bukan rohaniah atau tidak penting, seharusnya tidak dipertanyakan, seluruhnya oleh dirinya sendiri, menjadi bertanggung jawab bagi komunitas, persahabatan, keluarga dan kegembiraan dalam hidup kita” (Ronald Rolheiser).
Jumat, 14 Januari 2004. “Mereka yang kehilangan kesejahteraan, kehilangan banyak; mereka yang kehilangan teman, kehilangan lebih banyak; namun mereka yang kehilangan roh, kehilangan segala-galanya” (peribahasa Spanyol).
Pagi hari saya masih menghadiri kuliah seksualitas di mana dalam bagian kedua kami mengadakan sharing dalam kelompok kecil.
Sabtu, 15 Januari 2004. “Setiap tindakan kita haruslah disertai oleh refleksi untuk mengarahkan diri, untuk memerintahkannya, untuk membuatnya masuk akal, sehingga tidak berubah dalam sesuatu yang hampa dan kegiatan yang dangkal belaka” (Gustavo Gutierrez).
Sore hari sebelum dan sesudah misa pukul 5.30 di Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul di Hyde Park dengan inisiatif Mbak Erna dengan kerjasama kami para mahasiswa Indonesia (Romo Edi, osc, Romo Rudi, osc, dua frater diakon svd: Sony dan Francis serta empat frater Xaverian: Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan dan saya) kami berusaha mengusahakan dana bantuan untuk korban bencana Tsunami di Indonesia. Malam harinya kami berkumpul di rumah Mbak Erna.
Minggu, 16 Januari 2004.
“Kristus tidak memiliki tubuh lagi sekarang tapi tubuhmu;tidak memiliki tangan, tidak memiliki kaki di bumi ini, tapi tangan dan kakimu. Tubuhmu adalah mata di mana ia melihat dengan penuh belas kasih di dunia ini; Engkau adalah kaki di mana ia berjalan melakukan hal-hal baik; Engkau adalah tangan di mana ia memberkati dunia ini. Kristus tidak memiliki tubuh lagi sekarang di dunia ini namun dirimulah”
(Santa Teresa dari Avila). Kami melanjutkan pencarian dana untuk korban Tsunami di Indonesia di Gereja Santo Thomas di mana kami hadir di depan pintu utama gereja ini dalam setiap misa jam 8, 10, 12.15 dan sore jam 5.30. Pada akhir acara penggalangan dana ini kami menghitung seluruh dana dari segenap kebaikan hati umat paroki Santo Thomas sebesar hampir 5.000 US dollar. Kami bersyukur kepada Allah dan seluruh umat paroki ini lalu kami akan segera menyalurkan seluruh dana ini ke PWKI (Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago) untuk langsung dikirimkan ke beberapa daerah di Pulau Nias di Indonesia yang mengalami bencana alam Tsunami ini.
Sunday, the Baptism of the Lord, January 09, 2005
2) Sunday, the Baptism of the Lord, January 09, 2005
Monday, January 03, 2004. The Dialogue is a state of mind of one who strives constantly to put the message of which he is custodian into the mainstream of human discourse. It is an example of the art of spiritual communication (Pope Paul VI).
In the morning, Petrus, Alejandro and I went to Saint Therese Church to help out putting down Christmas ornaments at the basement till noon. Father Michael cooked various pastas for our lunch that put weight on me became heavier about 200 pounds (93 kgs). In the afternoon I cooked in my community, lasagna and beef soup (semur). At night Petrus, Dharmawan and I went to Edi-Liza’s house in Chinatown to celebrate Liza’s birthday.
Tuesday, January 04, 2004. To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue. These five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness (Confucius).
In the evening after Vesper, Petrus and I went to Magda Locklin’s house in Buffalo Grove (Northwestern Chicago) to attend Magda’s invitation. The four Indonesian Vincentian priests (Jack, Eko, Astanto, and Susilo) also came to this special occasion in which we celebrated the birthday of Father Astanto, cm who just came from Philadelphia with Father Susilo, cm from New York City. We had very delicious Indonesian food cooked by the older sister of Magda who came from the Dutch. As we left the place the snow already poured down changing the circumstances surround became really white winter season.
Wednesday, January 05, 2004. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion (The Dalai Lama).
At night from 8.30 to 10, coming to our house the four Indonesian Vincentian priests: Astanto, Susilo, Jack and Eko; also Father Edi, osc while the snow was still falling heavily.
Thursday, January 06, 2004. Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens (Jimi Hendrix).
After supper, we had a short community meeting talking about the schedule of next three weeks in J-Term period of CTU adjusted to our community timetable.
Friday, January 07, 2004. The most important thing in life is to have a focus and a purpose (Marcus Aurelius).
In the morning I shared my reflection upon the liturgical reading of the Mass. I went to my ministry site, David Darst to meet my supervisor in order to plan a weekend retreat on January 21-23. It is my reflection:
Reflection of Luke 5:12-16 (Friday, 07 January 2005)
Once upon a time a little girl said to her mother, “Mom, why should we pray every day with the same prayer? Does God already know our needs? Always saying the same prayer is boring, Mom! Maybe we can write letters to God and we don’t need to say the same prayer ever day again.”
For us as religious perhaps having the same feeling and experience in living our daily prayer that sometimes makes us bored without enthusiasm to say it, but because we have to do so, we do likely without a full of consciousness. May we ask ourselves, “What does prayer mean for me?” The questions about prayer really cluster around the ‘God’s question’. The more important question for us is: “What image of God is operative in our life? Is God distant and uninvolved? Does God offer love as a free gift or has it to be earned? Is prayer essentially God’s action or is it our effort expressed by quantity?
In the Gospel today, we heard that Jesus after healed a man full of leprosy, continued to cure other ailments but eventually he withdrew to deserted place to pray. Often times we heard that Jesus needs also a prayer time besides his ministry of others in order to regain spiritual strength to serve them. We see in Jesus life, there is an integration of ministry and prayer life. Jesus knows when he needs a spiritual retreat and avoiding a lot of people who need his help. In our Xaverians Constitution number 43 it is written, “Prayer is the principal activity of the missioner. It strengthens his faithfulness and sustains his apostolic commitment. The Lord often retired to a quiet place to pray to the Father. His example invites us to reserve ample space for individual prayer, reflection, contemplation, even, if necessary, at the expense of charitable work and apostolic ministry.” In addition, in the Testament Letter of our Founder number 8 mentioning that “As we work for the salvation of others, may it never happen that we neglect our own. Experience teaches that indifference to spiritual means, a diminished interest in things above, less concern for the good, feeble resistance to temptation are all aspects of one and the same thing.”
Saint Ignatius of Loyola saw God as dwelling in all things and ‘laboring’ for people in the world and experiences of life. This understanding is present especially in the ‘Contemplation to attain the love of God’ in the Exercises, which is arguably both a method of prayer and a way of understanding the process of prayer in daily life. It points to an awareness of God in all times and in all things so that contemplation and action become not two distinct things but inextricably linked one to another. In other word, “Contemplation in action and action in contemplation.”
Saint James in his letter (2:17) wrote, “Faith without work is dead.” In our world we can see that most people are busy with their work and spend little time to pray. It is evident when I searched on the Internet: on Yahoo as I searched the word “prayer” there are 21,900,00 entries and the word “work” 509,000,000. Then I put “prayer and work”, there are 8,890,000 entries. It deciphers that not many people understand and live in the meaning of ‘ora et labora’ (prayer and work), yet most people are busy to do their mundane work to make money for their life and happiness. But one said, “Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want” (Margaret Young).
The story of Christ’s healing of the leper is told at this time of the liturgical year when we celebrate his birth and will soon recall his baptism in the Jordan for a very good reason. It looks forward to his public ministry and suggests his coming passion and death by which he will fulfill the purpose of his coming in the flesh, namely, to restore our race to God’s favor. The healing of a leper is a symbol of redemption, rebirth and new life brought by the One sent by God to cleanse all people from sin and the darkness of error and to bestow of grace and eternal life. Here at the altar where we offer the Eucharist and receive in communion the body and blood of the risen Savior, we ourselves receive a share in the healing touch of Jesus. They are given as a fuller life that transcends all the ills and passing sorrows and pains or a world made sick through sin and the blindness of heart that it causes. May we always prove grateful for his healing gifts and in our turn be instruments of his compassion and mercy to one another and especially to those who are mourning and suffering and need our support and help.
Mother Teresa said, “The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love and the fruit of love is silence.” In prayer, faith and love we remember our brothers and sister who return to the Father because of the natural disaster.
O God, whose spirit moved over the deeps and called forth order out of chaos. O God who sent a dove with an olive branch to tell Noah that the flood was over, send food and water, blankets, tents, medicine, compassion, order and finally hope to all who suffer on the shores of the Indian Ocean. To those whose universe has crumbled, whose past and future have been erased, send the comfort of human touch the knowledge that strangers the world over ache for them and pray and give for a new future filled with healing and new possibility. In the midst of this anguish, help us see how little it matters whether an orphan is Muslim or Christian, whether roads are cleared by Americans or Indians or Australians. Remind us that the prayers of Buddhists, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims all reach your ears. Their cries are heard, their dead are held in your eternal hands, their hope is in your mercy, spread throughout the world by people who call on your name in many tongues and follow your gracious will to love and cherish their neighbor. Amen. (Taken from “Prayer for Lost Souls”).
Saturday, January 08, 2005. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy (Martin Luther King, Jr.).
In the morning I went to CTU to meet my academic supervisor, Gil Ostdiek to sign up my add/drop form of J-Term. Then, together with Petrus I went to Midway airport to take an Indonesian friend and two others to downtown and Metra station. Afterward, we went to Saint Therese Church Chinatown: having lunch cooked by Father Michael and spiritual direction with him. In the evening, we had rosary prayer led by Petrus and we prayed the Angelus prayer.
Sunday, January 09, 2005. Our family is a circle of love, guided and directed from God above. With every union and every birth, our circle grown with joy and mirth. This love that flows so strong and deep, leaves us memories to treasure and keep. And when a sadness comes along, our circle tightens, remaining strong (Anonymous).
Indonesian Catholics in Chicago held a fundraising Mass in English at Saint Therese Church Chinatown for the tsunamis’ victims in Aceh, Nias and other islands in Indian Ocean. It was concelebrated by Father Eko, cm, Father Jack, cm, Father Edi, osc and Father Kevin (campus minister of DePaul University in Chicago). In the homily, Father Edi was saying that we’re not only human beings who have experiences but most importantly that we’re spiritual beings who have compassion to others who are mourning and weeping regardless their religions, ethnic, nations, etc. Some of the attendants were coming from CTU, not only Indonesians but also some Philippinos, Americans even my supervisor of ministry at David Darst came as well since she read the announcement of this Mass from the Internet. At the end of the Mass Father Eko was saying his farewell words in Indonesian that he leaves for Indonesia on January 19th to continue his ministry after studying in Chicago for 3.5 years. We continued our gathering with lunch prepared by Ibu Imelda, Ibu Ina and other friends with simple menu fried rice and eggs. In the evening at Erna’s house, we came to talk and plan our appeal to raise fund at Saint Thomas the Apostle Church for next week after Masses on Saturday and Sunday.
2) Hari Minggu Pesta Pembaptisan Tuhan, 09 Januari 2005
Senin, 03 Januari 2004. Dialog adalah keadaan pikiran seseorang yang berusaha terus-menerus menyampaikan pesan di mana ia adalah pemelihara dalam percakapan utama manusia. Ini adalah suatu contoh seni komunikasi rohani (Pope Paul VI).
Pagi hari, saya ikut Petrus dan Alejandro pergi ke Gereja Saint Therese Chinatwon untuk menurunkan hiasan Natal di basement hingga siang hari. Pastor Michael memasak berbagai macam makanan dalam bentuk pasta untuk makan siang bersama yang membuat berat badan saya naik hingga 200 pounds (93 kgs). Nampaknya berat badan ini sudah mencapai puncaknya di awal tahun 2005 karena banyak ‘perjamuan’ di akhir tahun 2004 dan awal tahun 2005, sudah saatnya untuk diet lagi. Sore hari saya memasak untuk komunitasku yaitu masak lasagna (sudah jadi tinggal masukin ke oven) dan semur daging. Malam harinya Petrus dan Dharmawan mengajak saya pergi ke rumah Edi-Liza di Chinatwon untuk merayakan hari ulang tahun Liza. Ini makin menambah buncit perut saya.
Selasa, 04 Januari 2004. Untuk bertahan dalam segala situasi adalah dengan menerapkan lima hal yang merupakan lima keutamaan. Kelima hal ini adalah keseriusan, kemurahan hati, ketulusan hati, kesungguhan dan kebaikan (Confucius).
Di sore hari setelah doa sore, Petrus dan saya pergi ke rumah Magda di Buffalo Grove (Northwestern Chicago) untuk menghadiri undangan Magda. Keempat pastor Vincensian Indonesia (Jack, Eko, Astanto, dan Susilo) juga datang pada acara khusus ini di mana kami merayakan ulang tahun Romo Astanto, cm yang baru saja tiba dari Philadelphia bersama Romo Susilo, cm dari New York City. Kami makan makanan Indonesia yang sunggu lezat serasa di Indonesia (soto Betawi, Sio May, rempeyek Philadelphia, dll) yang dimasak oleh kakak Magda dari Belanda. Ketika kami keluar rumah untuk pulang salju sudah turun mengubah suasana sekitar menjadi benar-benar musim dingin yang putih dengan salju.
Rabu, 05 Januari 2004. Jika Anda menginginkan orang lain bahagia, terapkanlah belas kasihan. Jika Anda ingin bahagia, berbagilah belas kasihan (The Dalai Lama).
Malam hari dari pukul 8.30 hingga 10, datang ke rumah kami keempat pastor Vincensian Indonesia: Romo Astanto, Susilo, Jack and Eko; juga Romo Edi, osc sementara salju masih terus turun dengan lebatnya.
Kamis, 06 Januari 2004. Pengetahuan berbicara, namun kebijaksanaan mendengarkan (Jimi Hendrix).
Setelah makan malam, kami mengadakan rapat komunitas untuk membahas jadwal kuliah di CTU dalam tiga minggu ke depan di musim J-Term (masa Januari) menyesuaikan jadwal untuk kegiatan komunitas kami.
Jumat, 07 Januari 2004. Hal yang paling penting dalam kehidupan adalah memiliki suatu fokus perhatian dan sebuah tujuan (Marcus Aurelius).
Pagi hari saya mensharingkan renungan saya atas bacaan liturgi dalam misa hari ini. Saya pergi ke tempat kerasulan saya, David Darst untuk menemui supervisor saya dan merencanakan retreat tanggal 21-23 Januari.
Untuk renungan saya di atas silahkan baca di atas dalam versi bahasa Inggris.
Sabtu, 08 Januari 2004. Ukuran paling penting bagi seorang manusia adalah bukan di mana ia menempatkan diri dalam kenyamanan, namun di mana ia menempatkan diri dalam menghadapi tantangan dan pertentangan (Martin Luther King, Jr.).
Pagi hari saya pergi ke CTU untuk menemui dosen pembimbing akademis saya, Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk minta tanda tangan formulir tambah/kurang untuk masa kuliah J-Term. Lalu, bersama dengan Petrus saya pergi ke bandara Midway untuk mengantarkan seorang teman Indonesia dan dua teman lain ke downtown dan stasiun kereta Metra. Setelah itu, kami pergi ke gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown: makan siang di sini seperti biasa dimasak oleh Pastor Michael dan bimbingan rohani dengan Pastor Michael. Sore hari kami mengadakan doa rosario di komunitas yang dipimpin oleh Petrus dan kami berdoa juga doa Angelus.
Minggu, 09 Januari 2004. Keluarga kita adalah sebuah lingkaran kasih, dipandu dan diatur oleh Allah sendiri. Dengan setiap persatuan dan setiap kelahiran, lingkaran kita berkembang dalam sukacita dan kegembiraan. Kasih ini yang mengalir begitu kuat dan dalam, memberikan kita kenangan untuk terus dijaga dan dipelihara. Dan ketika duka menimpa, lingkaran kita makin erat terjalin, tetap kuat (Anonim).
Pukul 12 siang di Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown Chicago PWKI (Paguyuban Warga Katolik di Chicago) mengadakan misa dalam bahasa Inggris untuk menggalang dana bagi para korban tsunami di Aceh, Nias dan pulau-pulau lain di Samudera Hindia. Misa ini dipimpin oleh Romo Eko, cm, Romo Jack, cm, Romo Edi, osc dan seorang romo dari campus ministry di DePaul University, Father Kevin. Dalam khotbahnya, Romo Edi mengatakan bahwa kita bukanlah hanya makhluk hidup yang memiliki pengalaman namun yang paling penting lagi adalah bahwa kita adalah insan spiritual yang memiliki perasaan dan belas kasihan terhadap sesama yang sedang berduka dan menangis tanpa melihat agama, suku, bangsa, dst. Beberapa dari umat yang datang pada misa ini dari CTU, bukan hanya umat Indonesia namun juga beberapa dari Philippine, Amerika bahkan supervisor dari tempat kerasulan saya di David Darst Center juga datang karena ia membaca pengumuman misa ini di Internet. Pada akhir misa Romo Eko menyampaikan kata-kata perpisahannya dalam bahasa Indonesia kepada umat bahwa ia akan kembali pulang ke Indonesia tanggal 19 Januari meneruskan karyanya setelah selama 3,5 tahun belajar di Chicago. Kami melanjutkan kebersamaan kami dengan ramah tamah dan makan siang di basement seperti biasa yang disiapkan oleh para ibu kita yang peduli dan berbagi kasih seperti Ibu Imelda, Ibu Ina dan teman-teman lain dengan menu sederhana nasi goreng plus telor dadar. Sore hari di rumah Mbak Erna, kami berbicara dan merencanakan usaha pencarian dana untuk korban tsunami ini di Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul di Hyde Park untuk minggu depan setelah misa hari Sabtu dan Minggu.
Monday, January 03, 2004. The Dialogue is a state of mind of one who strives constantly to put the message of which he is custodian into the mainstream of human discourse. It is an example of the art of spiritual communication (Pope Paul VI).
In the morning, Petrus, Alejandro and I went to Saint Therese Church to help out putting down Christmas ornaments at the basement till noon. Father Michael cooked various pastas for our lunch that put weight on me became heavier about 200 pounds (93 kgs). In the afternoon I cooked in my community, lasagna and beef soup (semur). At night Petrus, Dharmawan and I went to Edi-Liza’s house in Chinatown to celebrate Liza’s birthday.
Tuesday, January 04, 2004. To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue. These five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness (Confucius).
In the evening after Vesper, Petrus and I went to Magda Locklin’s house in Buffalo Grove (Northwestern Chicago) to attend Magda’s invitation. The four Indonesian Vincentian priests (Jack, Eko, Astanto, and Susilo) also came to this special occasion in which we celebrated the birthday of Father Astanto, cm who just came from Philadelphia with Father Susilo, cm from New York City. We had very delicious Indonesian food cooked by the older sister of Magda who came from the Dutch. As we left the place the snow already poured down changing the circumstances surround became really white winter season.
Wednesday, January 05, 2004. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion (The Dalai Lama).
At night from 8.30 to 10, coming to our house the four Indonesian Vincentian priests: Astanto, Susilo, Jack and Eko; also Father Edi, osc while the snow was still falling heavily.
Thursday, January 06, 2004. Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens (Jimi Hendrix).
After supper, we had a short community meeting talking about the schedule of next three weeks in J-Term period of CTU adjusted to our community timetable.
Friday, January 07, 2004. The most important thing in life is to have a focus and a purpose (Marcus Aurelius).
In the morning I shared my reflection upon the liturgical reading of the Mass. I went to my ministry site, David Darst to meet my supervisor in order to plan a weekend retreat on January 21-23. It is my reflection:
Reflection of Luke 5:12-16 (Friday, 07 January 2005)
Once upon a time a little girl said to her mother, “Mom, why should we pray every day with the same prayer? Does God already know our needs? Always saying the same prayer is boring, Mom! Maybe we can write letters to God and we don’t need to say the same prayer ever day again.”
For us as religious perhaps having the same feeling and experience in living our daily prayer that sometimes makes us bored without enthusiasm to say it, but because we have to do so, we do likely without a full of consciousness. May we ask ourselves, “What does prayer mean for me?” The questions about prayer really cluster around the ‘God’s question’. The more important question for us is: “What image of God is operative in our life? Is God distant and uninvolved? Does God offer love as a free gift or has it to be earned? Is prayer essentially God’s action or is it our effort expressed by quantity?
In the Gospel today, we heard that Jesus after healed a man full of leprosy, continued to cure other ailments but eventually he withdrew to deserted place to pray. Often times we heard that Jesus needs also a prayer time besides his ministry of others in order to regain spiritual strength to serve them. We see in Jesus life, there is an integration of ministry and prayer life. Jesus knows when he needs a spiritual retreat and avoiding a lot of people who need his help. In our Xaverians Constitution number 43 it is written, “Prayer is the principal activity of the missioner. It strengthens his faithfulness and sustains his apostolic commitment. The Lord often retired to a quiet place to pray to the Father. His example invites us to reserve ample space for individual prayer, reflection, contemplation, even, if necessary, at the expense of charitable work and apostolic ministry.” In addition, in the Testament Letter of our Founder number 8 mentioning that “As we work for the salvation of others, may it never happen that we neglect our own. Experience teaches that indifference to spiritual means, a diminished interest in things above, less concern for the good, feeble resistance to temptation are all aspects of one and the same thing.”
Saint Ignatius of Loyola saw God as dwelling in all things and ‘laboring’ for people in the world and experiences of life. This understanding is present especially in the ‘Contemplation to attain the love of God’ in the Exercises, which is arguably both a method of prayer and a way of understanding the process of prayer in daily life. It points to an awareness of God in all times and in all things so that contemplation and action become not two distinct things but inextricably linked one to another. In other word, “Contemplation in action and action in contemplation.”
Saint James in his letter (2:17) wrote, “Faith without work is dead.” In our world we can see that most people are busy with their work and spend little time to pray. It is evident when I searched on the Internet: on Yahoo as I searched the word “prayer” there are 21,900,00 entries and the word “work” 509,000,000. Then I put “prayer and work”, there are 8,890,000 entries. It deciphers that not many people understand and live in the meaning of ‘ora et labora’ (prayer and work), yet most people are busy to do their mundane work to make money for their life and happiness. But one said, “Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want” (Margaret Young).
The story of Christ’s healing of the leper is told at this time of the liturgical year when we celebrate his birth and will soon recall his baptism in the Jordan for a very good reason. It looks forward to his public ministry and suggests his coming passion and death by which he will fulfill the purpose of his coming in the flesh, namely, to restore our race to God’s favor. The healing of a leper is a symbol of redemption, rebirth and new life brought by the One sent by God to cleanse all people from sin and the darkness of error and to bestow of grace and eternal life. Here at the altar where we offer the Eucharist and receive in communion the body and blood of the risen Savior, we ourselves receive a share in the healing touch of Jesus. They are given as a fuller life that transcends all the ills and passing sorrows and pains or a world made sick through sin and the blindness of heart that it causes. May we always prove grateful for his healing gifts and in our turn be instruments of his compassion and mercy to one another and especially to those who are mourning and suffering and need our support and help.
Mother Teresa said, “The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love and the fruit of love is silence.” In prayer, faith and love we remember our brothers and sister who return to the Father because of the natural disaster.
O God, whose spirit moved over the deeps and called forth order out of chaos. O God who sent a dove with an olive branch to tell Noah that the flood was over, send food and water, blankets, tents, medicine, compassion, order and finally hope to all who suffer on the shores of the Indian Ocean. To those whose universe has crumbled, whose past and future have been erased, send the comfort of human touch the knowledge that strangers the world over ache for them and pray and give for a new future filled with healing and new possibility. In the midst of this anguish, help us see how little it matters whether an orphan is Muslim or Christian, whether roads are cleared by Americans or Indians or Australians. Remind us that the prayers of Buddhists, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims all reach your ears. Their cries are heard, their dead are held in your eternal hands, their hope is in your mercy, spread throughout the world by people who call on your name in many tongues and follow your gracious will to love and cherish their neighbor. Amen. (Taken from “Prayer for Lost Souls”).
Saturday, January 08, 2005. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy (Martin Luther King, Jr.).
In the morning I went to CTU to meet my academic supervisor, Gil Ostdiek to sign up my add/drop form of J-Term. Then, together with Petrus I went to Midway airport to take an Indonesian friend and two others to downtown and Metra station. Afterward, we went to Saint Therese Church Chinatown: having lunch cooked by Father Michael and spiritual direction with him. In the evening, we had rosary prayer led by Petrus and we prayed the Angelus prayer.
Sunday, January 09, 2005. Our family is a circle of love, guided and directed from God above. With every union and every birth, our circle grown with joy and mirth. This love that flows so strong and deep, leaves us memories to treasure and keep. And when a sadness comes along, our circle tightens, remaining strong (Anonymous).
Indonesian Catholics in Chicago held a fundraising Mass in English at Saint Therese Church Chinatown for the tsunamis’ victims in Aceh, Nias and other islands in Indian Ocean. It was concelebrated by Father Eko, cm, Father Jack, cm, Father Edi, osc and Father Kevin (campus minister of DePaul University in Chicago). In the homily, Father Edi was saying that we’re not only human beings who have experiences but most importantly that we’re spiritual beings who have compassion to others who are mourning and weeping regardless their religions, ethnic, nations, etc. Some of the attendants were coming from CTU, not only Indonesians but also some Philippinos, Americans even my supervisor of ministry at David Darst came as well since she read the announcement of this Mass from the Internet. At the end of the Mass Father Eko was saying his farewell words in Indonesian that he leaves for Indonesia on January 19th to continue his ministry after studying in Chicago for 3.5 years. We continued our gathering with lunch prepared by Ibu Imelda, Ibu Ina and other friends with simple menu fried rice and eggs. In the evening at Erna’s house, we came to talk and plan our appeal to raise fund at Saint Thomas the Apostle Church for next week after Masses on Saturday and Sunday.
2) Hari Minggu Pesta Pembaptisan Tuhan, 09 Januari 2005
Senin, 03 Januari 2004. Dialog adalah keadaan pikiran seseorang yang berusaha terus-menerus menyampaikan pesan di mana ia adalah pemelihara dalam percakapan utama manusia. Ini adalah suatu contoh seni komunikasi rohani (Pope Paul VI).
Pagi hari, saya ikut Petrus dan Alejandro pergi ke Gereja Saint Therese Chinatwon untuk menurunkan hiasan Natal di basement hingga siang hari. Pastor Michael memasak berbagai macam makanan dalam bentuk pasta untuk makan siang bersama yang membuat berat badan saya naik hingga 200 pounds (93 kgs). Nampaknya berat badan ini sudah mencapai puncaknya di awal tahun 2005 karena banyak ‘perjamuan’ di akhir tahun 2004 dan awal tahun 2005, sudah saatnya untuk diet lagi. Sore hari saya memasak untuk komunitasku yaitu masak lasagna (sudah jadi tinggal masukin ke oven) dan semur daging. Malam harinya Petrus dan Dharmawan mengajak saya pergi ke rumah Edi-Liza di Chinatwon untuk merayakan hari ulang tahun Liza. Ini makin menambah buncit perut saya.
Selasa, 04 Januari 2004. Untuk bertahan dalam segala situasi adalah dengan menerapkan lima hal yang merupakan lima keutamaan. Kelima hal ini adalah keseriusan, kemurahan hati, ketulusan hati, kesungguhan dan kebaikan (Confucius).
Di sore hari setelah doa sore, Petrus dan saya pergi ke rumah Magda di Buffalo Grove (Northwestern Chicago) untuk menghadiri undangan Magda. Keempat pastor Vincensian Indonesia (Jack, Eko, Astanto, dan Susilo) juga datang pada acara khusus ini di mana kami merayakan ulang tahun Romo Astanto, cm yang baru saja tiba dari Philadelphia bersama Romo Susilo, cm dari New York City. Kami makan makanan Indonesia yang sunggu lezat serasa di Indonesia (soto Betawi, Sio May, rempeyek Philadelphia, dll) yang dimasak oleh kakak Magda dari Belanda. Ketika kami keluar rumah untuk pulang salju sudah turun mengubah suasana sekitar menjadi benar-benar musim dingin yang putih dengan salju.
Rabu, 05 Januari 2004. Jika Anda menginginkan orang lain bahagia, terapkanlah belas kasihan. Jika Anda ingin bahagia, berbagilah belas kasihan (The Dalai Lama).
Malam hari dari pukul 8.30 hingga 10, datang ke rumah kami keempat pastor Vincensian Indonesia: Romo Astanto, Susilo, Jack and Eko; juga Romo Edi, osc sementara salju masih terus turun dengan lebatnya.
Kamis, 06 Januari 2004. Pengetahuan berbicara, namun kebijaksanaan mendengarkan (Jimi Hendrix).
Setelah makan malam, kami mengadakan rapat komunitas untuk membahas jadwal kuliah di CTU dalam tiga minggu ke depan di musim J-Term (masa Januari) menyesuaikan jadwal untuk kegiatan komunitas kami.
Jumat, 07 Januari 2004. Hal yang paling penting dalam kehidupan adalah memiliki suatu fokus perhatian dan sebuah tujuan (Marcus Aurelius).
Pagi hari saya mensharingkan renungan saya atas bacaan liturgi dalam misa hari ini. Saya pergi ke tempat kerasulan saya, David Darst untuk menemui supervisor saya dan merencanakan retreat tanggal 21-23 Januari.
Untuk renungan saya di atas silahkan baca di atas dalam versi bahasa Inggris.
Sabtu, 08 Januari 2004. Ukuran paling penting bagi seorang manusia adalah bukan di mana ia menempatkan diri dalam kenyamanan, namun di mana ia menempatkan diri dalam menghadapi tantangan dan pertentangan (Martin Luther King, Jr.).
Pagi hari saya pergi ke CTU untuk menemui dosen pembimbing akademis saya, Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk minta tanda tangan formulir tambah/kurang untuk masa kuliah J-Term. Lalu, bersama dengan Petrus saya pergi ke bandara Midway untuk mengantarkan seorang teman Indonesia dan dua teman lain ke downtown dan stasiun kereta Metra. Setelah itu, kami pergi ke gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown: makan siang di sini seperti biasa dimasak oleh Pastor Michael dan bimbingan rohani dengan Pastor Michael. Sore hari kami mengadakan doa rosario di komunitas yang dipimpin oleh Petrus dan kami berdoa juga doa Angelus.
Minggu, 09 Januari 2004. Keluarga kita adalah sebuah lingkaran kasih, dipandu dan diatur oleh Allah sendiri. Dengan setiap persatuan dan setiap kelahiran, lingkaran kita berkembang dalam sukacita dan kegembiraan. Kasih ini yang mengalir begitu kuat dan dalam, memberikan kita kenangan untuk terus dijaga dan dipelihara. Dan ketika duka menimpa, lingkaran kita makin erat terjalin, tetap kuat (Anonim).
Pukul 12 siang di Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown Chicago PWKI (Paguyuban Warga Katolik di Chicago) mengadakan misa dalam bahasa Inggris untuk menggalang dana bagi para korban tsunami di Aceh, Nias dan pulau-pulau lain di Samudera Hindia. Misa ini dipimpin oleh Romo Eko, cm, Romo Jack, cm, Romo Edi, osc dan seorang romo dari campus ministry di DePaul University, Father Kevin. Dalam khotbahnya, Romo Edi mengatakan bahwa kita bukanlah hanya makhluk hidup yang memiliki pengalaman namun yang paling penting lagi adalah bahwa kita adalah insan spiritual yang memiliki perasaan dan belas kasihan terhadap sesama yang sedang berduka dan menangis tanpa melihat agama, suku, bangsa, dst. Beberapa dari umat yang datang pada misa ini dari CTU, bukan hanya umat Indonesia namun juga beberapa dari Philippine, Amerika bahkan supervisor dari tempat kerasulan saya di David Darst Center juga datang karena ia membaca pengumuman misa ini di Internet. Pada akhir misa Romo Eko menyampaikan kata-kata perpisahannya dalam bahasa Indonesia kepada umat bahwa ia akan kembali pulang ke Indonesia tanggal 19 Januari meneruskan karyanya setelah selama 3,5 tahun belajar di Chicago. Kami melanjutkan kebersamaan kami dengan ramah tamah dan makan siang di basement seperti biasa yang disiapkan oleh para ibu kita yang peduli dan berbagi kasih seperti Ibu Imelda, Ibu Ina dan teman-teman lain dengan menu sederhana nasi goreng plus telor dadar. Sore hari di rumah Mbak Erna, kami berbicara dan merencanakan usaha pencarian dana untuk korban tsunami ini di Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul di Hyde Park untuk minggu depan setelah misa hari Sabtu dan Minggu.
Sunday of Epiphany of the Lord, January 02, 2005
1) Sunday of Epiphany of the Lord, January 02, 2005
Yesterday is history,Tomorrow a mystery.Today is a gift,That's why we call itThe Present -- Anonymous
Monday, December 27, 2004. Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want – (Margaret Young).
Our world is mourned by a natural disaster that happened on December 26th 2004, namely, tsunami and earthquake that victimized more than a hundred thousand people in some poor areas such as Sri Lanka, Aceh-Indonesia, India, Thailand and Maldives, even Somalia-Eastern Africa. Many people try to give meaning of this horrible nightmare calamity that happened at the end of 2004 while the Christians just celebrated the Christmas, the birth of their Savior. May one asks, “Where was God, Jesus Christ in this disaster? Why did God let it happen to so many poor people?” Such event impacts many people, nations and organizations to help and resolve the problem afterward. There is such a competition of nations and organizations how much money they can pledge to donate and making a ranking. It seems to me that of here, the care and solidarity of the world are measured by the amount of money (materialism). Solidarity and compassion are the theme of the end of 2004 and to start the 2005. Some of us think and try: how to muster the largess and to supply them to the direct suffered people on sites, without long process and corrupted agents. I believe that many generous people will handle this situation as much as they can. Probably our effort to help them just a little thing but with this solidarity in whatever we contribute that also given by many other people on this planet, hopefully, the recovery of this hard situation will be done rapidly both in short and long term. “What contribution can I personally give here and now to our brothers and sisters to rebuild their humanity without assume that there are already many people who take care of them?” is a pivotal question we should answer and follow up as faithful people.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004. If you look carefully you will see that there is one thing and only one thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is Attachment. What is an attachment? An emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person you cannot be happy – (Anthony de Mello)
This week I spent my holiday time just in the house, in Chicago. To see my life and my journal so far, I was intrigued to write more meaningful journal in this new-year 2005. I found some interesting quotations of some famous people that I can learn of their wisdom and I believe you will learn also of them. While I still write my daily activity not so much in my routine way but in what special and impressed me in my life. May be it is a heavier and more demanding one, but I will try my best. With reading of the editorial of newspapers both The Chicago Tribune and The New York Times, likely will enhance my knowledge what is going on in the world and improve my English. I see myself that I still have limited vocabularies in English and I need to add more in my daily lives while I live in the USA.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004. We must take care to live not merely a long life, but a full one; for living a long life requires only good fortune, but living a full live requires-character (Seneca).
Thursday, December 30, 2004. A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on (Carly Sandburg).
In the evening after supper, we gathered as a community to talk and plan about our community event celebrating the end of the year 2004, that is tomorrow night. In conclusion, we agreed to do something starting at 9 p.m. At night in the Petrus’ room, I contributed my notes of my journal to make kaleidoscope of our community in order to present them in a power point program.
Friday, December 31, 2004. No man desires anything so eagerly as God desires to bring men to the knowledge of Himself. God is always ready, but we are very unready. God is near us, but we are far from Him. God is within, and we are without. God is friendly -- we are estranged – (Meister Eckhart).
Almost the whole day, Petrus in his room were doing the presentation of our community kaleidoscope for our night event. Started at 9 p.m. led by Father Victor in the chapel, we started our prayer to give thanks to God for all graces that we receives both communaly and personally and confess our sins and ask forgiveness. It lasted in thirty minutes, then we proceeded with dinner prepared by Father Pascal and Father Willy. Finally, with the hard effort of Petrus and the final gentle touch of Dharmawan, we gathered together to watch the presentation of our community kaleidoscope. It’s a perfect time because it finished almost at midnight…it seemed that everybody were happy in this event and we said good bye 2004 and welcome 2005. It’s my first experience that I ever have to have gathering in the end of the year with my community members. I appreciate to the ones who suggested do this event even though in a short time decision. All seemed run very well and impressively in the spirit of fraternity as brothers in our Xaverian community and family. I hope it will continue in the journey of the year 2005 and looking forward to the end of 2005…..
Saturday, January 01, 2005. What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us (Oliver Wendell Holmes).
In the evening, we (Petrus, Dharmawan, Pato, Father Edi, osc and I) went to the Vincentian House at Fullerton, the house of Father Jack, cm and Father Eko, cm, to attend their invitation to have dinner of this new and first day of 2005. There were about 16 people in this gathering that we were spending in dining room savoring Indonesian food and hanging out in the guestroom till 10.15 p.m. Thank you for the invitation of Father Jack (who cooked as well as Rina Bongsu) and Father Eko and also all friends whom we met last night.
Sunday, January 02, 2005. Strange is our situation upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, Not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose (Albert Einstein).
This morning I woke up at 9 then I wrote this journal till afternoon. At 3.15 p.m. with Dharmawan, I went to Saint Therese Church to attend an infant baptism of Magda Locklin’s son. The Mass was said in English and presided by Father Jack, c.m. We continued the celebration with dinner and hospitality at the basement till 7 p.m.
The fruit of silence is prayer,
the fruit of prayer is faith,
the fruit of faith is love,
and the fruit of love is silence –
MotherTeresa
1) Hari Minggu Pesta Penampakan Tuhan, 02 Januari 2005
Kemarin adalah sejarah,Esok adalah misteri,Hari ini adalah berkat,Itulah mengapa kita sebut hari ini sebagaiHadiah -- Anonymous
Senin, 27 Desember 2004. Sering kali orang berusaha untuk menjalani kehidupannya dengan melihat sebaliknya; mereka mencoba untuk memiliki sesuatu lebih, atau memiliki uang lebih, untuk dapat melakukan sesuatu dengan lebih seperti yang mereka inginkan, sehingga mereka akan menjadi lebih bahagia. Namun yang terjadi adalah kebalikannya. Anda pertama harus menjadi jati diri Anda sendiri, lalu melakukan apa yang ingin Anda lakukan, untuk mendapatkan apa yang Anda iginkan – (Margaret Young).
Dunia kita berdukacita secara mendalam dengan adanya bencana alam yang terjadi pada tanggal 26 Desember 2004, yaitu bencana tsunami dan gempa bumi di Samudera Hindia yang memakan korban lebih dari seratus ribu orang di beberapa daerah miskin seperti Sri Lanka, Aceh-Indonesia, India, Thailand dan Maldives, bahkan Somalia- Afrika Timur. Banyak orang mencoba untuk memberikan arti atas peristiwa bencana mengerikan yang terjadi di penghujung tahun 2004 sementara kaum Kristiani baru saja merayakan hari Natal, kelahiran Sang Penebus Yesus Kristus di dunia. Mungkin seseorang bertanya, “Di manakah Allah, Tuhan kita Yesus Kristus dalam bencana ini?” Peristiwa semacam ini memberikan pengaruh pada banyak orang, bangsa dan organisasi untuk membantu dan memecahkan permasalahan selanjutnya. Ada semacam persaingan antar bangsa-bangsa dan organisasi-organisasi tentang berapa banyak uang yang mereka janjikan untuk disumbangkan dan membuat ranking berdasar banyaknya uang. Nampak sekali dari sini bahwa kepekaan dan solidaritas dunia diukur dari kucuran dollar (materialisme). Solidaritas dan belas kasihan adalah tema di akhir tahun 2004 dan permulaan tahun 2005. Beberapa di antara kita berpikir dan mengusahakan: bagaimana caranya mengumpulkan dana dan menyalurkannya secara langsung pada korban di tempat kejadian, tanpa proses yang panjang dan agen yang korup. Saya percaya bahwa banyak orang di planet bumi kita ini akan mengatasi situasi parah ini semaksimal mungkin. Barangkali usaha kita untuk membantu mereka hanyalah hal yang terlalu kecil namun dengan solidaritas ini dalam bentuk apa pun kita mewujudkannya yang juga diberikan oleh sekian banyak orang di dunia ini, kiranya, pemulihan situasi sulit ini akan segera terlaksana dengan berkelanjutan dengan cepat baik dalam jangka pendek maupun panjang. “Sumbangan apakah yang secara pribadi dapat saya berikan di sini dan saat ini kepada para saudara-saudariku yang menderita untuk membangun kembali sisi manusiawi mereka tanpa berasumsi bahwa sudah banyak orang di sana yang memperhatikan mereka?” adalah suatu pertanyaan yang sangat penting yang harus kita jawab dan tindaklanjuti sebagi umat beriman.
Selasa, 28 Desember 2004. Jika kamu melihat dengan jeli kamu akan melihat bahwa ada satu hal dan hanya satu hal yang menyebabkan ketidakbahagiaan. Nama hal itu adalah ke-melekat-an. Apa itu ke-melekat-an? Suatu keadaan emosional yang berkeras hati disebabkan oleh kepercayaan bahwa tanpa suatu hal yang khusus atau tanpa beberapa orang tertentu kamu tidak dapat bahagia – (Anthony de Mello)
Minggu ini adalah hari liburan sekolah yang saya gunakan hanya tinggal di rumah saja, di Chicago. Melihat hidup saya dan jurnal mingguan saya sejauh ini, saya tergugah untuk menulis jurnal ini dengan lebih bermakna dalam tahun baru 2005 ini. Saya menemukan sebuah daftar kutipan kalimat dari bebarapa orang terkenal di dunia yang saya dapat pelajari dari kebijakan mereka dan saya percaya Anda sekalian juga kana mendapatkan manfaat dari kutipan kata-kata mereka. Sementara saya masih menuliskan kegiatan harian saya namun tidak terlalu banyak dalam hal-hal rutin harian tapi dalam hal yang khusus dan mengesankan saya. Barangkali cara ini lebih berat dan lebih banyak menuntut, nmaun saya akan mengusahakan sebaik mungkin. Dengan membaca kolom editorial dari dua surat kabar: The Chicago Tribune dan The New York Times, mungkin saya akan meningkatkan pengetahuan saya akan apa yang terjadi di dunia dan memperbaiki bahasa Inggris saya. Saya melihat diri saya sendiri mash memiliki kosakata dalam bahasa Inggris yang sedikit dan saya perlu untuk menambah lagi setiap hari sementara saya masih punya kesempatan hidup dan tinggal di USA ini.
Rabu, 29 Desember 2004. Kita harus waspada untuk hidup tidak hanya semata utuk hidup panjang, namun hidup sepenuhnya; karena hidup panjang menuntut hanya nasib baik, namun hidup dalam kepenuhan menuntut karakter/watak.(Seneca).
Kamis, 30 Desember 2004. Seorang bayi adalah pemikiran Allah bahwa dunia harus terus berjalan (Carly Sandburg).
Di malam hari setelah makan malam, kami berkumpul sebagai satu komunitas untuk berbicara dan merencanakan tentang acara komunitas merayakan akhir tahun 2004 dan tahun baru 2005, yaitu untuk besok malam. Dalam kesimpulan yang diambil, kami sepakat untuk melakukan sesuatu dan lain hal mulai pukul 9 malam. Di malam hari saya di kamar Petrus memberikan catatan jurnal saya tahun 2004 untuk dibuat kaleidoskop komunitas tahun 2004 yang dibuat dalam bentuk presentasi power point.
Jumat, 31 Desember 2004. Tak seorang pun menginginkan sesuatu sedemikian besarnya seperti Allah menghendaki untuk membawa manusia pada pengetahuan akan diri-Nya. Allah selalu siap sedia, namun kita sungguh tidak siap. Allah berada di dekat kita, namun kita jauh dari-Nya. Allah ada di dalam diri kita, dan kita tidak di dalam diri-Nya. Allah ini sungguh bersahabat baik dengan kita – namun kita menjadi terasing. (Meister Eckhart).
Hampir seharian, Petrus di kamarnya mengerjakan presentasi keleidoskop komunitas kami di Hyde Park untuk acara malam ini. Mulai pukul 9 malam, dipimpin oleh Pastor Victor, kami memulai doa kami mengucapkan syukur pada Allah atas segala rahmat yang telah kami terima baik secara komunitas maupun pribadi lalu mengakukan dosa-dosa serta memohon pengampunan. Doa ini berlangsung selama 30 menit, lalu kami melanjutkan dengan makan malam bersama yang disiapkan oleh Pastor Pascal dan Pastor Willy. Akhirnya, dengan usaha keras Petrus serta sentuhan halus akhir Dharmawan untuk presentasi power point, kami bersama menyaksikan keleidoskop komunitas kami tahun 2004. Waktu yang tersedia sungguh sempurna karena presentasi berakhir beberapa menit sebelum pergantian tahun…nampaknya semua menikmati presentasi ini dengan gembira ria dan kami mengucapkan selamat tinggal 2004 dan selamat datang tahun 2005. Ini adalah pengalaman pertama saya di USA bersama komunitas saya meluangkan waktu bersama untuk mengakhiri tahun penuh makna ini. Saya menghargai mereka semua yang telah mengusulkan untuk mengadakan acara bersama ini kendati pun dalam waktu yang sungguh singkat dalam sebuah keputusan bersama. Semuanya nampak berjalan dengan sangat bagus dan cukup mengesankan dalam semangat kekeluargaan sebagai sesama saudara dalam keluarga dan komunitas kami Xaverian. Saya berharap hal ini akan berlanjut terus dalam perjalanan waktu di tahun 2005 ini dan sambil menyongsong apa yang akan terjadi di akhir tahun 2005 nanti…..
Sabtu, 01 Januari 2004. Apa yang terletak di belakang kita dan apa yang terletak sebelum kita adalah urusan kecil dibandingkan dengan apa yang terletak di dalam diri kita sendiri (Oliver Wendell Holmes) Malam hari ini, kami (Petrus, Dharmawan, Pato, Romo Edi, osc dan saya sendiri) pergi ke rumah Vincentian, rumah Romo Jack, cm dan Romo Eko, cm, untuk menghadiri undangan mereka untuk makan malam pada hari pertama dan hari baru di tahun 2005 ini. Ada sekitar 16 orang dalam acara kekeluargaan ini yang berkumpul untuk makan malam di ruang makan dan bercengkerama di kamar tamu lantai dua hingga pukul 10.15 malam. Terim kasih atas undangan Romo Jack (yang juga sudah memasak makanan Indonesia ini bersama Rina Bongsu) dan Romo Eko, c.m. serta semua teman yang kami jumpai di malam kemarin ini.
Minggu, 02 Januari 2004. Anehlah situasi kita di dunia ini. Setiap dari kita datang untuk waktu yang singkat, tidak mengetahui menapa, namun kadang nampaknya untuk suatu tujuan ilahi. (Albert Einstein)
Pagi ini saya bangun agak siangan, jam 9 lalu menulis jurnal saya edisi perdana tahun 2005 ini. Pukul 3.15 sore, dengan Dharmawan, saya pergi ke Gereja Saint Therese Chinatown untuk menghadiri misa pembaptisan bayi, yaitu putera Magda Locklin yang dipimpin oleh Romo Jack, c.m. dalam bahasa Inggris. Acara dilanjutkan dengan makan malam dan ramah tamah di basement yang berakhir sekitar pukul 7 malam.
Buah keheningan adalah doa,
Buah doa adalah iman,
Buah iman adalah kasih,
dan buah kasih adalah keheningan.
MotherTeresa
Yesterday is history,Tomorrow a mystery.Today is a gift,That's why we call itThe Present -- Anonymous
Monday, December 27, 2004. Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want – (Margaret Young).
Our world is mourned by a natural disaster that happened on December 26th 2004, namely, tsunami and earthquake that victimized more than a hundred thousand people in some poor areas such as Sri Lanka, Aceh-Indonesia, India, Thailand and Maldives, even Somalia-Eastern Africa. Many people try to give meaning of this horrible nightmare calamity that happened at the end of 2004 while the Christians just celebrated the Christmas, the birth of their Savior. May one asks, “Where was God, Jesus Christ in this disaster? Why did God let it happen to so many poor people?” Such event impacts many people, nations and organizations to help and resolve the problem afterward. There is such a competition of nations and organizations how much money they can pledge to donate and making a ranking. It seems to me that of here, the care and solidarity of the world are measured by the amount of money (materialism). Solidarity and compassion are the theme of the end of 2004 and to start the 2005. Some of us think and try: how to muster the largess and to supply them to the direct suffered people on sites, without long process and corrupted agents. I believe that many generous people will handle this situation as much as they can. Probably our effort to help them just a little thing but with this solidarity in whatever we contribute that also given by many other people on this planet, hopefully, the recovery of this hard situation will be done rapidly both in short and long term. “What contribution can I personally give here and now to our brothers and sisters to rebuild their humanity without assume that there are already many people who take care of them?” is a pivotal question we should answer and follow up as faithful people.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004. If you look carefully you will see that there is one thing and only one thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is Attachment. What is an attachment? An emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person you cannot be happy – (Anthony de Mello)
This week I spent my holiday time just in the house, in Chicago. To see my life and my journal so far, I was intrigued to write more meaningful journal in this new-year 2005. I found some interesting quotations of some famous people that I can learn of their wisdom and I believe you will learn also of them. While I still write my daily activity not so much in my routine way but in what special and impressed me in my life. May be it is a heavier and more demanding one, but I will try my best. With reading of the editorial of newspapers both The Chicago Tribune and The New York Times, likely will enhance my knowledge what is going on in the world and improve my English. I see myself that I still have limited vocabularies in English and I need to add more in my daily lives while I live in the USA.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004. We must take care to live not merely a long life, but a full one; for living a long life requires only good fortune, but living a full live requires-character (Seneca).
Thursday, December 30, 2004. A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on (Carly Sandburg).
In the evening after supper, we gathered as a community to talk and plan about our community event celebrating the end of the year 2004, that is tomorrow night. In conclusion, we agreed to do something starting at 9 p.m. At night in the Petrus’ room, I contributed my notes of my journal to make kaleidoscope of our community in order to present them in a power point program.
Friday, December 31, 2004. No man desires anything so eagerly as God desires to bring men to the knowledge of Himself. God is always ready, but we are very unready. God is near us, but we are far from Him. God is within, and we are without. God is friendly -- we are estranged – (Meister Eckhart).
Almost the whole day, Petrus in his room were doing the presentation of our community kaleidoscope for our night event. Started at 9 p.m. led by Father Victor in the chapel, we started our prayer to give thanks to God for all graces that we receives both communaly and personally and confess our sins and ask forgiveness. It lasted in thirty minutes, then we proceeded with dinner prepared by Father Pascal and Father Willy. Finally, with the hard effort of Petrus and the final gentle touch of Dharmawan, we gathered together to watch the presentation of our community kaleidoscope. It’s a perfect time because it finished almost at midnight…it seemed that everybody were happy in this event and we said good bye 2004 and welcome 2005. It’s my first experience that I ever have to have gathering in the end of the year with my community members. I appreciate to the ones who suggested do this event even though in a short time decision. All seemed run very well and impressively in the spirit of fraternity as brothers in our Xaverian community and family. I hope it will continue in the journey of the year 2005 and looking forward to the end of 2005…..
Saturday, January 01, 2005. What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us (Oliver Wendell Holmes).
In the evening, we (Petrus, Dharmawan, Pato, Father Edi, osc and I) went to the Vincentian House at Fullerton, the house of Father Jack, cm and Father Eko, cm, to attend their invitation to have dinner of this new and first day of 2005. There were about 16 people in this gathering that we were spending in dining room savoring Indonesian food and hanging out in the guestroom till 10.15 p.m. Thank you for the invitation of Father Jack (who cooked as well as Rina Bongsu) and Father Eko and also all friends whom we met last night.
Sunday, January 02, 2005. Strange is our situation upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, Not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose (Albert Einstein).
This morning I woke up at 9 then I wrote this journal till afternoon. At 3.15 p.m. with Dharmawan, I went to Saint Therese Church to attend an infant baptism of Magda Locklin’s son. The Mass was said in English and presided by Father Jack, c.m. We continued the celebration with dinner and hospitality at the basement till 7 p.m.
The fruit of silence is prayer,
the fruit of prayer is faith,
the fruit of faith is love,
and the fruit of love is silence –
MotherTeresa
1) Hari Minggu Pesta Penampakan Tuhan, 02 Januari 2005
Kemarin adalah sejarah,Esok adalah misteri,Hari ini adalah berkat,Itulah mengapa kita sebut hari ini sebagaiHadiah -- Anonymous
Senin, 27 Desember 2004. Sering kali orang berusaha untuk menjalani kehidupannya dengan melihat sebaliknya; mereka mencoba untuk memiliki sesuatu lebih, atau memiliki uang lebih, untuk dapat melakukan sesuatu dengan lebih seperti yang mereka inginkan, sehingga mereka akan menjadi lebih bahagia. Namun yang terjadi adalah kebalikannya. Anda pertama harus menjadi jati diri Anda sendiri, lalu melakukan apa yang ingin Anda lakukan, untuk mendapatkan apa yang Anda iginkan – (Margaret Young).
Dunia kita berdukacita secara mendalam dengan adanya bencana alam yang terjadi pada tanggal 26 Desember 2004, yaitu bencana tsunami dan gempa bumi di Samudera Hindia yang memakan korban lebih dari seratus ribu orang di beberapa daerah miskin seperti Sri Lanka, Aceh-Indonesia, India, Thailand dan Maldives, bahkan Somalia- Afrika Timur. Banyak orang mencoba untuk memberikan arti atas peristiwa bencana mengerikan yang terjadi di penghujung tahun 2004 sementara kaum Kristiani baru saja merayakan hari Natal, kelahiran Sang Penebus Yesus Kristus di dunia. Mungkin seseorang bertanya, “Di manakah Allah, Tuhan kita Yesus Kristus dalam bencana ini?” Peristiwa semacam ini memberikan pengaruh pada banyak orang, bangsa dan organisasi untuk membantu dan memecahkan permasalahan selanjutnya. Ada semacam persaingan antar bangsa-bangsa dan organisasi-organisasi tentang berapa banyak uang yang mereka janjikan untuk disumbangkan dan membuat ranking berdasar banyaknya uang. Nampak sekali dari sini bahwa kepekaan dan solidaritas dunia diukur dari kucuran dollar (materialisme). Solidaritas dan belas kasihan adalah tema di akhir tahun 2004 dan permulaan tahun 2005. Beberapa di antara kita berpikir dan mengusahakan: bagaimana caranya mengumpulkan dana dan menyalurkannya secara langsung pada korban di tempat kejadian, tanpa proses yang panjang dan agen yang korup. Saya percaya bahwa banyak orang di planet bumi kita ini akan mengatasi situasi parah ini semaksimal mungkin. Barangkali usaha kita untuk membantu mereka hanyalah hal yang terlalu kecil namun dengan solidaritas ini dalam bentuk apa pun kita mewujudkannya yang juga diberikan oleh sekian banyak orang di dunia ini, kiranya, pemulihan situasi sulit ini akan segera terlaksana dengan berkelanjutan dengan cepat baik dalam jangka pendek maupun panjang. “Sumbangan apakah yang secara pribadi dapat saya berikan di sini dan saat ini kepada para saudara-saudariku yang menderita untuk membangun kembali sisi manusiawi mereka tanpa berasumsi bahwa sudah banyak orang di sana yang memperhatikan mereka?” adalah suatu pertanyaan yang sangat penting yang harus kita jawab dan tindaklanjuti sebagi umat beriman.
Selasa, 28 Desember 2004. Jika kamu melihat dengan jeli kamu akan melihat bahwa ada satu hal dan hanya satu hal yang menyebabkan ketidakbahagiaan. Nama hal itu adalah ke-melekat-an. Apa itu ke-melekat-an? Suatu keadaan emosional yang berkeras hati disebabkan oleh kepercayaan bahwa tanpa suatu hal yang khusus atau tanpa beberapa orang tertentu kamu tidak dapat bahagia – (Anthony de Mello)
Minggu ini adalah hari liburan sekolah yang saya gunakan hanya tinggal di rumah saja, di Chicago. Melihat hidup saya dan jurnal mingguan saya sejauh ini, saya tergugah untuk menulis jurnal ini dengan lebih bermakna dalam tahun baru 2005 ini. Saya menemukan sebuah daftar kutipan kalimat dari bebarapa orang terkenal di dunia yang saya dapat pelajari dari kebijakan mereka dan saya percaya Anda sekalian juga kana mendapatkan manfaat dari kutipan kata-kata mereka. Sementara saya masih menuliskan kegiatan harian saya namun tidak terlalu banyak dalam hal-hal rutin harian tapi dalam hal yang khusus dan mengesankan saya. Barangkali cara ini lebih berat dan lebih banyak menuntut, nmaun saya akan mengusahakan sebaik mungkin. Dengan membaca kolom editorial dari dua surat kabar: The Chicago Tribune dan The New York Times, mungkin saya akan meningkatkan pengetahuan saya akan apa yang terjadi di dunia dan memperbaiki bahasa Inggris saya. Saya melihat diri saya sendiri mash memiliki kosakata dalam bahasa Inggris yang sedikit dan saya perlu untuk menambah lagi setiap hari sementara saya masih punya kesempatan hidup dan tinggal di USA ini.
Rabu, 29 Desember 2004. Kita harus waspada untuk hidup tidak hanya semata utuk hidup panjang, namun hidup sepenuhnya; karena hidup panjang menuntut hanya nasib baik, namun hidup dalam kepenuhan menuntut karakter/watak.(Seneca).
Kamis, 30 Desember 2004. Seorang bayi adalah pemikiran Allah bahwa dunia harus terus berjalan (Carly Sandburg).
Di malam hari setelah makan malam, kami berkumpul sebagai satu komunitas untuk berbicara dan merencanakan tentang acara komunitas merayakan akhir tahun 2004 dan tahun baru 2005, yaitu untuk besok malam. Dalam kesimpulan yang diambil, kami sepakat untuk melakukan sesuatu dan lain hal mulai pukul 9 malam. Di malam hari saya di kamar Petrus memberikan catatan jurnal saya tahun 2004 untuk dibuat kaleidoskop komunitas tahun 2004 yang dibuat dalam bentuk presentasi power point.
Jumat, 31 Desember 2004. Tak seorang pun menginginkan sesuatu sedemikian besarnya seperti Allah menghendaki untuk membawa manusia pada pengetahuan akan diri-Nya. Allah selalu siap sedia, namun kita sungguh tidak siap. Allah berada di dekat kita, namun kita jauh dari-Nya. Allah ada di dalam diri kita, dan kita tidak di dalam diri-Nya. Allah ini sungguh bersahabat baik dengan kita – namun kita menjadi terasing. (Meister Eckhart).
Hampir seharian, Petrus di kamarnya mengerjakan presentasi keleidoskop komunitas kami di Hyde Park untuk acara malam ini. Mulai pukul 9 malam, dipimpin oleh Pastor Victor, kami memulai doa kami mengucapkan syukur pada Allah atas segala rahmat yang telah kami terima baik secara komunitas maupun pribadi lalu mengakukan dosa-dosa serta memohon pengampunan. Doa ini berlangsung selama 30 menit, lalu kami melanjutkan dengan makan malam bersama yang disiapkan oleh Pastor Pascal dan Pastor Willy. Akhirnya, dengan usaha keras Petrus serta sentuhan halus akhir Dharmawan untuk presentasi power point, kami bersama menyaksikan keleidoskop komunitas kami tahun 2004. Waktu yang tersedia sungguh sempurna karena presentasi berakhir beberapa menit sebelum pergantian tahun…nampaknya semua menikmati presentasi ini dengan gembira ria dan kami mengucapkan selamat tinggal 2004 dan selamat datang tahun 2005. Ini adalah pengalaman pertama saya di USA bersama komunitas saya meluangkan waktu bersama untuk mengakhiri tahun penuh makna ini. Saya menghargai mereka semua yang telah mengusulkan untuk mengadakan acara bersama ini kendati pun dalam waktu yang sungguh singkat dalam sebuah keputusan bersama. Semuanya nampak berjalan dengan sangat bagus dan cukup mengesankan dalam semangat kekeluargaan sebagai sesama saudara dalam keluarga dan komunitas kami Xaverian. Saya berharap hal ini akan berlanjut terus dalam perjalanan waktu di tahun 2005 ini dan sambil menyongsong apa yang akan terjadi di akhir tahun 2005 nanti…..
Sabtu, 01 Januari 2004. Apa yang terletak di belakang kita dan apa yang terletak sebelum kita adalah urusan kecil dibandingkan dengan apa yang terletak di dalam diri kita sendiri (Oliver Wendell Holmes) Malam hari ini, kami (Petrus, Dharmawan, Pato, Romo Edi, osc dan saya sendiri) pergi ke rumah Vincentian, rumah Romo Jack, cm dan Romo Eko, cm, untuk menghadiri undangan mereka untuk makan malam pada hari pertama dan hari baru di tahun 2005 ini. Ada sekitar 16 orang dalam acara kekeluargaan ini yang berkumpul untuk makan malam di ruang makan dan bercengkerama di kamar tamu lantai dua hingga pukul 10.15 malam. Terim kasih atas undangan Romo Jack (yang juga sudah memasak makanan Indonesia ini bersama Rina Bongsu) dan Romo Eko, c.m. serta semua teman yang kami jumpai di malam kemarin ini.
Minggu, 02 Januari 2004. Anehlah situasi kita di dunia ini. Setiap dari kita datang untuk waktu yang singkat, tidak mengetahui menapa, namun kadang nampaknya untuk suatu tujuan ilahi. (Albert Einstein)
Pagi ini saya bangun agak siangan, jam 9 lalu menulis jurnal saya edisi perdana tahun 2005 ini. Pukul 3.15 sore, dengan Dharmawan, saya pergi ke Gereja Saint Therese Chinatown untuk menghadiri misa pembaptisan bayi, yaitu putera Magda Locklin yang dipimpin oleh Romo Jack, c.m. dalam bahasa Inggris. Acara dilanjutkan dengan makan malam dan ramah tamah di basement yang berakhir sekitar pukul 7 malam.
Buah keheningan adalah doa,
Buah doa adalah iman,
Buah iman adalah kasih,
dan buah kasih adalah keheningan.
MotherTeresa
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